Ask Us Anything
Summer Fling
It’s hot outside and things are heating up indoors as well…have you met the person of your dreams? Or is it just a summer fling? We’re here to answer all your summertime romance questions. Ask Us Anything!
My friend is fourteen years old, in a long distance relationship with a kid she met at a six week summer camp, and is completely enamored with him. She keeps going on about how wonderful he is and how perfect they are for each other; she tells me they’re in love all the time. How do I tell her that she probably isn’t in love with him without hurting her feelings? Her boyfriend is a nice guy, but it feels like she’s obsessed with an idea of him that isn’t quite true, and I’m worried about her mental health and other aspects of her life.
That is a tough situation! Giving relationship advice to a friend is never easy, but it’s one of the important jobs as a friend… especially when you think the relationship is unhealthy. Let her know how you feel—and try to remain sensitive to the fact that this is probably the first she’s hearing of this point of view and that it may be jarring. Do your best to remain cool, calm, and collected during your conversation so your friend knows this is coming from a place of caring and not confrontation or jealousy.
It may also help to talk to her a bit about keeping true to herself, even while she’s in a relationship. Planning a “girls night” so you can have quality time again (and maybe making boys an off limit topic!) would be one idea, but we have some more ideas for maintaining friendships through her relationship.
I find this helpfulI am a freshman who likes a senior. What do I do? How do I tell him I like him?
Hanging out with new people is one of the best parts of high school. As an underclassman, it’s totally normal to be crushing on a senior, but a big age gap can really effect a relationship. Before you decide to tell him, think about what you want out of the relationship. If he’s going away to college, think about if you’d want a long-distance relationship or if you’re just interested in hanging out for the summer.
If you do decide to tell him how you feel, it’s best to do whatever feels most natural. It can be nerve-wracking expressing feelings for someone, so it’s important to make yourself as comfortable as possible. It can be tempting to express yourself via text or Snapchat, but this kind of talk is best face-to-face.
If all goes well, make sure you’re both staying on the same page with open and honest communication. Relationships—especially long-distance or with an older guy—can get complicated quickly, so ask an adult you trust and respect for advice on managing the age difference
I find this helpfulHow do you keep an online relationship interesting? We’ve decided how and when we can meet up in real life (late Summer of this year), but how do I keep the relationship interesting until that point?
Keeping any relationship interesting with time can be challenging but it’s important for both partners to make an effort to do so. Since you know when you’ll be seeing each other in real life, talking about what you’ll do together and planning the visit together can be a productive and exciting topic! You can check out our cheap date ideas and summer date tips to see what interests you both.
If meeting IRL means taking things to a new place physically, you should think about where your comfort level is and discuss with your partner. The time to think about sex and protection is before the situation happens. Check out our birth control explorer to find the best method for you.
I find this helpfulHe wants to have sex before he leaves for college this summer, but how do I say no without hurting the relationships?
You are never obligated to have sex. If you feel your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex, check out LoveIsRespect.Org or tell a trusted adult, because that isn’t a healthy relationship.
If you’re not feeling pressured but aren’t sure how to respond, the best thing to do is have an honest conversation. Sex is best when you’re both ready and comfortable, so tell him that! Be honest with him about what you’re thinking in terms of getting physical and ask the same from him. Caring about him doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him. At the end of the day, it’s your body and your choice. Not interested in sex? Say no.
I find this helpfulMy boyfriend asks me about past experiences and I tell him it makes me uncomfortable to talk about that and he stops. But he keeps bringing it up later. What is he trying to do? What should I do?
Being uncomfortable, especially around a close friend or loved one is really tough.
It sounds like you’re confused why he’s suddenly so interested in this info—so ask him why he wants to know. It could be that he’s concerned about STIs or maybe he’s feeling insecure or jealous. Or it could be that he just wants to find out what you like in a relationship.
Remember you don’t have to disclose personal information that doesn’t affect him. If you’re not interested in sharing or it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay and he should respect your decision to keep your history to yourself.
I find this helpfulMy friend recently has been showing signs of interest to my boyfriend. She asks him to pick stuff up for him and she’ll hand me her stuff to hold so she can go talk to him. She tells everyone except me that he’s awesome and great but she hates when we’re talking and my boyfriend comes up to kiss me on the cheek. Today she asked if I was going to stay with my boyfriend for a long time because she wanted to know. How do I keep a good relationship with my friend and my boyfriend while all of this is happening?
Ack! In any relationship respect is key. If your friend isn’t respecting your relationship with your boyfriend, you should talk to her about it privately. Find out if she really does have a crush on him and how you guys will handle it. Make sure she knows you’d like to maintain both relationships, but want everyone to be comfortable with the situation.
No doubt about it, it’d be hard to hear that she’s into him, but try to remember it must be hard for her knowing that he likes you. This conversation is the time for both of you to clear the air and try meeting halfway—so be open and honest and ask the same of her.
I find this helpfulMy boyfriend always cancels or asks me to reschedule our plans because he wants to do something with his friends. I feel like what I say means nothing to him, and every time I try to explain why I’m mad, he calls me crazy. What should I do?
You are not crazy. Having to constantly change plans last minute can be frustrating and disappointing, especially if it happens a lot. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t understand the effect his actions are having. One way to approach the situation is to privately and calmly explain to him how his constant cancellations affect you. By having an open conversation, not in the heat of the moment, it will allow you both to actually address the situation without either of you feeling defensive.
If nothing changes after you talk, it may be time to think about how his priorities compare to yours. It may be time to take a closer look at the relationship and see if you want to continue.