Did you know that 1 in 5 teens admit that their friends are in unhealthy relationships? That’s a pretty scary stat, although I guess the bright side is that teens are savvy enough to spot an unhealthy relationship when they see one. Sometimes the signs are obvious—a friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend makes fun of them in public, isolates them from their friends and family, or even physically abuses them. But other times, it can be difficult to tell whether your friend is really in an unhealthy situation, or you just don’t like the person they’re with.

That’s when things get complicated. Because if you don’t like their bf or gf, that’s kinda not your friend’s problem—unless of course the reason you don’t like them is because they treat your friend badly. But if you’re jealous of the amount of time they spend together (which means less time for you) or the fact that you aren’t in a relationship yourself, you can’t let those feelings cloud your judgment and allow you to jump to conclusions. If your friend is happy, then you need to be happy for them.

If, however, you really do suspect that your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend is verbally or physically abusing them, or that they’re miserable in their relationship, you need to speak up. Start by talking with your friend. Tell them your concerns and really listen to their response. Sometimes all they need is the support of their friends to help them get out of a bad situation. If they refuse to admit that there’s a problem—and you know otherwise—it may be time to involve a trusted adult. Yes, your friend will probably be really upset that you broke their confidence, but someday they’ll thank you for caring.

Not sure if you or your friend is in an unhealthy relationship? Take a step back and ask yourself the questions in our Dating Abuse Checklist. And get more information on Stay Teen's Dating Abuse page.And if you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, seek help. You are not alone and there are places you can turn to for help. Talk to your parents, a teacher, or another adult you can trust. You can also contact the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 for the hearing impaired) or online at www.loveisrespect.org.

Have you ever had a friend who was in an unhealthy relationship? What did you do to help them get out of it?

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!