TWO make a relationship, NOT three
I remember how awkward it was. My closest friend was going out with a guy who was known to be a player. He was somewhat good looking, and dressed like he came out of a catalog. She was so caught up in his clothing and his “good looks”, that she ignored all the girls who were his “best friends” aka “side joints,” in other words the girls he spent time with when my friend wasn’t around. I remember finding out he was cheating.
I rushed to tell my friend but she didn’t believe me, and she thought I was trying to break them up. That was the last time we talked because every time I told her to be careful she would take offense and get upset with me. She would start talking about me, making up rumors, and trying to get my friends against me. She was in denial, and thought I was trying to ruin her relationship. So I backed away, and let her figure it out. As for me, I learned my lesson. Next time, I would just give a warning and back away, because it affected most of my friends not just the two of us.
I have dated guys my friends didn’t like, but their approval never came up in conversations. I never expected them to approve of my relationships because they weren’t going to be the one’s in it. A relationship takes two people, not three, four, five, or six. Yes, it was awkward when I wanted to hang out with everyone in one place, because there was tension just having the conversation, but I personally didn’t feel like it mattered whether my friends liked him or not. It only bothered me when my friends talked about him in a negative way, or when he complained about them…which caused arguments in both cases.
I remember when I found out my friends didn’t like my boyfriend. We were in the locker room talking about guys, and once the conversation got deeper, we all started commenting on each other’s boyfriends and about the flaws they had. Each one of us was defending our boyfriends, and things were starting to get a little emotional. We acted like our boyfriends were perfect, but inside we all knew that our friends were making decent points. But when you’re in a relationship you try to avoid thinking about those flaws or actually confronting a person about them because either you’re scared to do so, or you like them too much to say anything.
That day everyone came out of the locker room upset and fired up, we were all annoyed with each other. But ever since that day, I think that a friend can comment or mention what they think but shouldn’t push their friend into believing what they believe is right. Friends should always be open to sharing with each other but when it comes to a friend’s relationship I think there is a limit. At the end of the day it’s your friend in the relationship not you.
Do agree that who you’re dating is nobody’s business but your own? Or do friends have a responsibility to get involved if their don’t like your significant other?
Melody is 16 and from Washington, DC. She is a member of The National Campaign’s Youth Leadership Team. Have a question for Melody? Email us!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
I’ve been talking to this guy now for about two months and I really like him. But, his cousin and I are kinda friends. But, his cousin keeps coming back and telling me negative things about the boy I talk to. Also, these things sorta add up. But, I don’t trust the cousin because he normally tells fibs to me all the time about stupid stuff. I’ve even talked to my guy about this issue before and I trust him because, he’s never given me a reason not to before. But, I just don’t know who to trust, the cousin or my guy. PS: the things the cousin are telling me is that my guy has a girlfriend.
Girls are attracted to players.. If a girl meets a guy that has that ‘player vibe’ she will be attracted to them. It’s just how it works. People like feeling emotions and with players , they make you feel like the most amazing person in the world then they turn around and well.. play you.
to be honest im 14 and i never had been in a relationship. honestly i think your friends should have at least some input to your relationship. its usually up to you if you believe it or not. just make sure the friends who are giving you information about your boyfriend/girlfriend are REAL friends that care about you and everything. my best friend has an ex-boyfriend that used to sexually abuse her and she told me thats the reason why she broke up with him. right now he is trying to play the guilt card to get her back but my friends and i always have her back and help her make the right desicions. if your friend says something about your boyfriend you dont like just laugh it off or tease her about her boyfriend in all good manner of course. however, if they start to tell you that he is cheating on you or he is too possesive dont shoot them down right away. consider what they are saying first. if you still dont believe them, talk to ur partner about it and confront the problem. after all…. you cant have a healthy long lasting relationship without trust
I think my friends have sumwat of a say in my relationship bcuz they try 2 help me out by telling me the truth
cool
yo! I think my friendz have a big say so in my relationships. we live in a town georgia at columbia high and everyone in the school lives near each other so if my friends say something about my boyfriend i trust them all enough to believe them and confront him. like my friend zae’s ex boyfriend with every girl he laid eyes on. we told her, she confronted him, they broke up, and now he is begging her to come back! You cant cheat and then think everything is ok… duh!!!!
when my boyfriend and I were dating it was magical at first and we like so head over heels for each other it was like a dream until he started mentioning SEX in many of the conversations we had. It was just non-stop pressure, and being an african american most of the boys in my neighborhood would do this but i thought he was different.I was wrong, and sometimes he would be playful and try to convince me to do it. But I kept telling him no. Then one day while I was helping him study for a math test he just started kissing me and feeling on me in a way that i didnt like and kept telling him to stop but he didnt. He just pulled off my pants held me down and sexually abused me. I was so scared that i didnt tell anybody what happen,he told me if i did he woud hurt me. He did this seven more times before i had the guts to report him. And when i did i felt relieved but still afraid to be in another relationship but i got help and now 2 years passed and i am in a healthy relationship with someone who doesnt abuse me and we are both going to the same college next year and we are going to keep moving foward together and all i can say is thaank god!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you Terrance Williams
I dont need a friend to be involved in my relationship with my bf
I think that my friends should at least try to get along with him. And if they don’t then it’s time to have a talk. That has happen to me everybody kept saying he was a instagator and alot of other stuff they treated him wrong and.. But then he was ready to do the “unthinkable” and it scared me I went along with it but he was getting me in a lot of trouble at school. And I mean A LOT I didn’t know what to do. So I had “the talk” with my cousin and We broke up
No, its between 2 people. God isn’t a person, yet a belief. So, that being said. I think a relationship should be shared between a boy and a girl, a girl and a girl, or a boy and a boy. Nobody should try and interfere with the relationship of others unless it gets to a point of abuse – verbal, emotional, sexual, or physical – that the other party might have observed.
Grace
i hated it when i found out when my exboyfriend was cheating on me behind my back
Not that long ago alot of people were all over my relationship with my girlfriend. I knew that there were problems in the relationship(which ended in us breaking up) but i couldnt stand other people always putting themselfs in my relationship. Pretty soon after that we just didnt talk to anyone about the problems. She didnt even talk to me much after that because people were always in our relationship when they didnt need to be. A relationship should be betweeen two people. And if there should be any other person in it it should be God.
A relationship Is between a man a woman and god…. That’s three people… Not two
me and my girlfriend do things like that all the time. We’ll sit around and talk about our boyfriends at sleepovers and we’ll make fun of the others boyfriend. We’ll point out all the flaws and weird things they do, but in the end we both just laugh about it. I appreciate it when she talks to me about atuff like that, becaue her opinion is as important to me as my own.
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