When we realized the condom broke it was like seeing a whole new life I wasn’t ready for suddenly flash before my eyes. There I was covered in diaper cream, wet wipes, and baby poop, my head cocked to one side explaining into the phone, “Sorry, dude—I can’t go. It’s my turn to watch the little one.” Then, I’m on the front porch, holding a toddler’s hand as I wave to my friends, cars packed and music blaring, as they depart for all the adventures of college. Finally, I see myself crouched next to a tiny bed, being screeched at to read the bedtime story one more time (for the bazillionth time) even as the last seconds of the final round of March Madness tick away in another room.