The Older Guy
Once you get to high school, a whole new world of possibilities opens up for you. Suddenly you aren’t limited to dating the boys you’ve known since kindergarten—the same ones who put gum in your hair or threw spitballs at you from across the room. Nope, you can leave those immature losers behind for a sophisticated older guy.
And believe me this is tempting. High school guys love the first day of school because a new crop of freshmen are roaming the halls. When I started high school, it wasn’t long before many of my girlfriends had snagged themselves a junior or senior boyfriend which definitely made them cooler (and me, too, by association). But dating an older guy also brought up much more grown up issues. Like how older boys often expect more out of a relationship than we had been used to. They can drive, so they want to take you out on real dates, they don’t have as much parental supervision because they’re older, and they may want to take things further sexually than you’re ready for. I don’t mean to say that a relationship with an older guy or can’t work. But there are some things you need to be realistic about if it’s going to.
First, you need to know what you’re comfortable with—and you need to be confident about telling him or exactly what that is. If he wants to go beyond your comfort zone for physical stuff, don’t be afraid to make that known. If that’s all they’re after, you’ll know pretty quickly and you’ll be able to get out of the relationship before you get hurt. Even if you really like the person, it’s better to know that your expectations are way different before you do something you might regret.
Another thing to keep in mind when you decide to date an older guy is how your parent(s) will feel. Odds are they won’t be super excited to learn that their 14- year-old daughter wants to date a 17-year-old boy (or their 17-year-old daughter going out with a 22-year-old guy, for that matter). But if you keep them in the loop about your relationship—and don’t lie to them or sneak around behind their backs—they’ll feel better about the situation, which can translate into more freedom for you.
Only you will know whether you’re ready to date someone who is older than you are. If it doesn’t feel right, or you feel pressure or trapped, listen to those feelings. They’re there for a reason. And don’t let your friends influence you either. Just because they’re ready for a more mature relationship doesn’t mean you have to be. You’ll know when the time is right. You just have to trust yourself.
Have you or any of your friends ever dated an older guy?
Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
I really, really like this guy, who is year 10, turning 16 in November and I am 13 turning 14 in November. I have known him since grade 2 and I am best friends with his brother. I am worried that my best friend might like me and I feel bad because I like his older brother so, so much!! I need some advice. I think the year 10 guy like me quiet a lot, but how should I know? I just need some advice to pick out the obvious reasons that he may like me.
Thanks and I hope to get some feedback!
im in 11th grade. i like this guy thats almost 2 years older than me but we work together. its weird. i went to primary school with him so i feel awkward talking to him.
but question is:
do i like him or the idea of being with him?
watdya reckon????
I want to date this 7th grader really bad. He is so cute and funny. I really like him and when I told him all he said was “I don’t date sixth graders.” I want him to tell me what he thinks about me but I don’t know how to ask. P.S. I’m I will be 13 in six months and he is 13.
I like this boy whose a junior and I’m in the 8th grade. I can never get him off my mind and he might like me but I’m scared he’ll treat me like a child when I talk to him since I’m really short
I’m a freshman in high school and I met this guy who’s 17, for now, its a 2 year difference being that I’m 15. But he’s turning 18 this July and I’m turning 16 this December. We’ve been dating for about 3 months now and I want to tell my mom when i turn 16 but I’m worried she’ll be upset that he’s 2 years older than me and off to college, meanwhile, I’d still be a sophmore. How do I tell her? Any Advice Please??
So I’m 14 and in year 9 at school, the guy I like is 17 and in year 12. I only started liking him because (I’m guessing) he likes me; he would always stare at me and quickly look away when I saw, and tease me indirectly in a friendly manner, etc.
I’ve literally never spoken to him which I know sounds stupid, but idk, I get crushes quite easily and they last for a maximum of a few months. I’ve liked this guy for over a year now. I have this gut feeling that there’s maybe something between us, and maybe I could find out if I were brave enough to talk to him. I guess I’m just scared of rejection (even over facebook).
If he does like me, I’m still torn over the idea of a relationship. I personally believe that if two people are in love, trust eachother and are prepared to deal with certain problems, age shouldn’t matter. But the thing is with me I care a lot about what other people think (family, friends etc) and that would probably be the thing that would stop me.
I was talking to my parents earlier and casually asked if they’d allow me to date an older guy, and they basically said that if they knew and trusted him well then they would.
ughh i like him so much :/
I’m 14 and I’m with a 17 year old. My parents have met and like him. But my school has organised 2 meetings between me and my head of year, and him and his head of year. I don’t see why they’re getting in my business. Can I do anything?
So I’m 15 and I really like this guy who’s 17 but he’s so sweet and considerate and stuff and he’s also super innocent… Like I’ve hooked up with 3 guys before and he hasn’t even has his first kiss… I really like him and I really wanna hu with him but I’m not sure what to do
I’m 13 and my bf is 15 almost 16. I’m worried tho about some things in the relationship. I’m really in the need of some advice…..
I am a 15 year old girl (sophomore) dating an 18 year old guy (senior). The age gap was definitely something we had to overcome at the beginning of our relationship. In fact, for a while, we didn’t date because of it. But I managed to find a guy who understands that I’m not ready for sex yet and he is extremely respectful. Also, when I first told my parents, they were a little hesitant but I showed them that they could trust me and now I have more freedom to be around him.
The hardest part about dating an older guy is what people think that means. I used to get a lot of questions about my supposed sex life just because he is almost 3 years older than me. With time, people began to see that our relationship was built on love and mutual respect, not the sexual stuff. I am now so grateful that I chose to date an older guy because I watch the rest of my friends get played by the boys in my grade and I know that that’s not happening to me. Even though we’ll break up when he goes off to college, I am grateful for the time I get to spend with him now
I’m 15 and I met this guy at my high school, He’s a senior and he’s almost 18, but I really like him and I think he likes me. I’m pretty sure my parents won’t approve, but I really like him….HELP!!!
I really like this guy (16) that I met at this basically Christian camp (I’m sorry if that’s offensive but it’s my truth) and I’m (13) my friend basically tried to set us up and like we text and stuff and he says that he likes me too but I’m worried about trusting him bc he lives a county over (in the same state) and so like I don’t want to completely trust him bc he might be trying to play me bc he still texts my friend even tho she made it very clear that she doesn’t like him and like I’m fine with that but im just worried that he might lie to me or both of us or be some idk player but im just really worried about trusting him enough to open up a little and get to know him and like bc he’s an older guy I’ve been on the fence like I’m worried that this could be a huge mistake and idk if I could wait a little while bc I might be moving bc my dad is in the army & we might have to leave this summer please help me idk what else to do
okay so my boyfriend is 15 in 9th and the school im moving to is his school but junior high and highs school is together, well im about to be 13 in 7th And He thinks im 14 in 9th and im scared to tell him and im moving really soon! But I love him so much and ik the age wont matter cause his ex is in my grade but I love him so much and ot would hurt that I lied
im 13 and im dating this guy who is 16 going to be 17 on july 17th… I know its only a three year age difference , but I haven’t told my mom yet and she is very over protective… my boyfriend wats me to lie to my mom and tell her he is 14 but im worried she will find out he is 16 bc he gets his license in a few months I don’t know how to approach and tell my mom about it…im actually very scared of my mom PLZ HELP!
My BF is in 8th grade and I’m in 6th. We’ve been dating for about 3 months and he never talks to me in person! Only on insta! And there is a school dance coming up and I thought that would be the night he would kiss me but he won’t go 🙁 ! I am REALLY depressed about it! And next year he’s going off to high school! I love him SOOOOOOO much! HELP ME!!!!!
Ok so I’m 12 and I met this guy at camp. He’s 14 and I really like him. I never thought I would see him again but turns out he is my brothers friend so… What should I do?
well i have a boyfriend that’s 18 and i’m 14 ( about to turn 15, even then there’s still a 4 year age difference) and we’ve been dating a year and 5months and we’ve been through the works with our relationship , and he’s stayed. and guys normally don’t stick around with me but this is my longest and last ( i’m 100%) relationship , and i want to tell my parents , but i’m and army brat . and i talked to my sister and she told me to break up with him because my dad has PTSD and gets really violent and she’s worried he’ll find out and … well yeah , but i ( kinda ) asked my mom about it but she’s really on and off about stuff but i really want him to feel okay with being with me , because he’s worried about what my dad will do too and i want to have a good relationship between them and him and being okay with us …. but i don’t know how to talk them into it. help ?
I’m 15 and I’ve been talking to this guys who’s 17 and he happens to be my bestfriends older brother but she recently moved 8 hours away and he stayed back to finish his senior year but since my friend moved we can’t really hangout anymore, i really wanna hangout with him but I know my parents won’t approve, how can I talk them into it ?
I’m just starting in highschool. I don’t know why but I have always been more attracted to older guys. (Probably because I have had more experience talking to older people because I have been in musicals- also im much more mature then people my age) I don’t know how to tell if an older guy likes me or not though… And I have recently gotten out of a relationship with a boy my age. Please help me find out how to be more attractive to older boys and how to get an older boyfriend!!?
I am 13 almost 14 and I really like a guy who is 16 almost 17. Both of our families know and are fine with it. He took me out to a concert and around where we live. So everything looked perfect and THEN HIS BEST FRIEND CAME IN and now it’s not that great. We ignore each other and he always invites her round when I’m around and I’m basically going to say nothing about it because things are already pretty bad. I told him I liked him and he didn’t say he liked me back or not.
I have been depressed for days at a time about the age gap and it’s taking a big toll on my emotional health. Moral of the story is, falling in love with an older guy SUCKS!
there. I’m out. Peace.
I currently like an older guy. I am 15 and he is 17. He is someone I have known for a really long time. I really like him and he likes me too. He knows how I feel about sexual things. I will not do anything until I am married. He likes that and I need to tell my mom. We have several obstacles to overcome. Those would include the age difference, him being my brothers friend, and my mother being overprotective. I need to tell my mother but I don’t know how to go about this.
I’m 12 and have a crush on a 14 year old guy. I got his phone number but I’m worried about my parents reaction to it.
I’m 17, and I just started dating a guy who is 21. I believe that if both parties are mature, can talk openly about their boundaries, and are aware of the age difference, it can work. Also, if you are the younger person, keep a good relationship with your parents. My parents set a few rules, which both me and the guy I’m with follow. Because I have not gone behind my parents’ back, I have been given a bit more freedom.
However, an age difference comes with its own risks. There is a large number of older people who will take advantage of younger people. Because of this, the younger person should watch out for warning signs, such as being pressured into doing things they are not wanting or ready for. Personally, I believe that if the younger person (or either person in the relationship) can not identify those warning signs and end the relationship, he/she should not pursue a relationship with an older person.
If you are in or thinking about starting a relationship with an age difference, trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If you can’t talk about what you want and what you’re ready for, leave. And another piece of advice for the younger person, if the older person makes negative comments about your age (Ex.: “Problems of a ___ year old…” or “That’s only because you’re ___.”), they are brushing off your problems and using your age as an excuse. This is not a good relationship.
The important points to remember about any relationship (not just ones with an age difference) are to trust your gut, know your boundaries, and communication. It can be a rocky road when you’re a teenager (especially if one of the parties is over 18), but with patience and maturity, I believe a relationship with an age difference can work.
I’m in love with my brothers best friend….I’m a freshman and he’s a senior….we talk during school because we have a class together and he’s really nice. I feel like he flirts with me. I’ve been obsessed with him since kindergarten…any ideas should I tell him I like him… my parents love him they have known him forever and I always tell them how I’m gonna marry him lol…I need help ..
awesome advice it help a lot !
What if the relationship with the guy is long distance? And you haven’t met in person yet. Is that considered a real relationship, and something you have to tell you parents?
I like an older guy (17) but I’m 14 and we’re kind of friends. Dating an older man who is 18+ is not illegal by the way, however sleeping with them is. No matter who you date, as long as it is not physical (or uncomfortably sexual), please-by all means-date who you truly feel a connection with. Just be safe and have at least one experience without consulting our favorite life-guide: the internet. Thank you and just go for it, man.
P.S. Don’t date creeps you meet online, lest you wish to be on the front page of the obituaries! 😉
I am a freshman (15 year old girl), and i really like this senior. We have been talking over message for a really long time, and we see each other in school and talk sometimes face to face. I like him, and he likes me but we still have yet to hang out. i am scared to tell my parents that i like him. He is really sweet, smart, funny, respectful, and responsible, but he is older and I’m afraid that my parents won’t be able to look past that. We both don’t find age that big a deal and we really want to hangout with each other, but I’m just stuck on how to tell my parents. HELP?!?!?!
why are older guys so much more attractive and mature? it makes my life so much more difficult
I am 15 and i like older guys which is normal for my age. I lived a pretty rough life which lead people to believe i’m crazy ,But I’m not. I dated guys my age but they stop talking to me because,”[They] don’t get [me]”. I want to be a Therapist so when I give advice i get really deep and personal and talk as if it’s a puzzle so that people can understand it while processing it. I had a guy who was a few months younger than me and he broke up with me in text after a day of ignoring me saying it was because he thinks i like girls more than him and he’s not into that. Basically i want to be able to show everyone I’m mature. I know i’m young and dating isn’t the most important thing ,But its something i want to be able to do . If i talk to an adult they they talk to me as a person of age not a child they never have to give extra detail to help me understand because the ones who try to get to know me are the ones who actually face the fact I’m 15. I currently am talking to a 20 year old and he always talks to me as i am ,But then he always says, “I’m 20″… as if he i trying to
reassure himself.. As if he’s saying,” Nothing is going to happen between me and you” . I respect him because of that but that’s also what draws ne towards him more … He respects me.
My friend is 11 and she has been hanging around her aunt’s 15 year old stepson for a while. They have been getting closer but he hasn’t tried to push her to do anything she doesn’t want to and he is a gentleman about everything. They both feel like it is meant to be. She is taller and curvier than most 11 year olds.
im 16 and my boyfriend is 18. Is there anything that my parents can do to make it to where i cant see or talk to him anymore??
Yup, it didn’t end well, I’m 16 and I dated a guy 2 years older. When de first started dating i was a sophomore in highschool and he was a senior, we went to two different schools and two different districts we met through work. The first 5 months were absolutely amazing, I couldn’t ask for anything better.. Prom came and we went together and he was proud to show me off however once he got to college .. He wanted more space and more time to spend with his friends and he started to get tempted to smoke. We got into arguments because of this and I tried to make everything be fine by just try and hold on to him tighter by spending more time with him and everything. One day unexpectedly he just broke the news to me… He needed space and me being in highschool and him being in college wasnt helping. He said I couldn’t truly understand him. My reaction. Why? Because I don’t smoke and want to do drugs? Because I want a great future? Ugh older guys are complicated.
This guy I like apparently did/does(I’m still guessing) like me but he thinks he is too old for me because we are 3 years apart.
I’m a freshman and I like a senior we talk through messages but not really in person. I sometimes do catch him taking glaces to where I am does it mean something?
Your guys are right about this dating an older guy coms with other things as well.thankes for the advise
I’ve been meaning to tell my mom about the older guy I’ve been talking to. I know him so well and we both know we want a relationship. I just didn’t know how to tell my mom until I saw this.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating an older guy. If both of you have the same feelings for each other, age shouldn’t matter.
I am 13 and a freshman. I will be 14 tomorrow. I just started dating this boy who is 16 and a sophmore. We have been friends for 3 years now and just decided to date. I am a little nervous about how much he wants to do. He is a christian just like me and i guess he believes in sex after marriage so should i still physically be worried?
I met a guy at my church camp he lives on Alabama an is 2 years older than me is that ok? Or really wierd
I am in love with a senior In highschool one problem tho I’m only in eight grade but I’m madly in love with him we are buds but I think he views it as brotherly love!! My school only has fifty people in it asum
I’m 14 and I want to start seeing a girl at least 13 what do I do????
How do i get him to notice me if he’s a senior and i’m a sophomore
A senior at my school approached me on Instagram and we started talking he was really sweet and sting but I told him since I was a freshman to leave me alone for the better….about a month later I missed him and we were talking for about a week I told my parents about him and we had a date planned and just a day before our date I get a text “I can’t do this anymore” “I’ve liked this other girl for awhile…it’s not you it’s me”
I was heart broken but ik now to stay away from seniors no matter how sweet,hot,popular etc. they are
I’m 15 the oldest guy I have ever been with was 17
After all of that I still don’t know what to do or to say to my boyfriend but I really love him
Um, I’m 15 dating a 17 year old who is graduating this year. His parents don’t approve of the age gap, any advice? He’s a great guy, he just doesn’t want anything bad to happen.
I don’t even know how I feel
im 16 and the guy i like is 18 but my mom is being stupid and said that she will have the cops called on him if i talked to him ever again..can she even do that? were just talking.
I met this guy on orientation day. He is 3 academic years older than me. Since school started we always have this intense staring bond. Then months flew by and all that stopped until the day we bumped into each other then the staring started again. Then it stopped. I started developing feelings for him. Then recently i figured out who he prefers, thats when i broke down into little bits of pieces. What shall i do? Is it possible he may like me?
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