Though obviously fun to use, Facebook can also be a major source of stress. We know it’s changed the way we date, so before you accidentally detonate one, here are a few Facebook-related relationship landmines and how to avoid them.

The “Facebook official” Fall-Out.  Making a relationship Facebook official can be almost as stressful as making a relationship official in person. At what point do you declare? What if you send a relationship request and it doesn’t get confirmed? What if you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to ever make it FBO? Does that make them sketchy? The truth is, everyone has a different view about declaring a relationship on Facebook. If you’re dating someone who’s acting shady in many ways, then yes, I’d say not wanting to publicly declare your togetherness is something you can add to the sketchiness list. But if the person you’re seeing is a good, loving partner, cut them some slack—maybe they just don’t want to open your relationship up for public appraisal. If the lack of Facebook recognition bothers you, talk with your bf/gf about it. Find out their reasons about not wanting to date you on Facebook, and you’ll likely feel much better. (Either that, or it will make it clear that maybe you shouldn’t be dating them in the first place…whatever happens, it’ll at least be a productive conversation.)

The Worry Wall.  Okay, is the point of Facebook walls to insert jealousy into an otherwise stable relationship? I mean seriously, do we really need to be made aware of every time our bf/gf gets a new friend of the opposite sex? And do we have to see (and by default analyze) the meaning of comments people are leaving on their wall? It’s enough to turn anyone into a green-eyed-monster. The smartest thing to do here is just not to look—but that’s a lot easier said than done. If you’re going to frequent your bf/gf’s wall, have a little internal dialogue before you let your emotions get the best of you. Ask yourself: When it comes down to it, do I trust this person or not? If you trust them, you just have to trust them, and force yourself to get over the small stuff. If you don’t trust them, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating them…

Ex-Stalking.  In darker moments we’ve all done it: spent time poking around the pages of our significant other’s ex's. Looking at their pictures, reading their posts, and trying to figure out if there’s any way they are more desirable than we are, or if it’s possible that our bf/gf liked them more. Maybe there are even pictures of the two of them together that we can dissect just to really dig in the knife. During these moments of self-induced agony, this is what’s key to remember: They aren’t together anymore for a reason. The relationship didn’t work, and our bf/gf’s have moved on…to us! There’s nothing we can do about people’s pasts, but the best way to deal with them is to make sure they don’t affect our future.   

Butt-in Betty's.  Facebook offers people a window into your life (and your relationship), which can open it up to their commentary: “Who was that girl who posted the picture with her arm around your boyfriend? Are you okay with that?!? I mean, that would totally freak me out!” All of the sudden something that you may not have thought was a big deal can become one. Stay sane by tuning out the chatter. If something upsets YOU, get upset. If it upset’s someone else on your behalf…that’s just drama you don’t need.

Have you encountered any of these virtual landmines? How have you dealt with them? 

Amber Madison has been writing about sex, love, and relationships since college (she went to Tufts University) when she wrote for her school newspaper's sex ed column. Since graduating, she's published two books: Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality and Talking Sex With Your Kids and has been quoted in a ton of different media outlets from Seventeen magazine to MTV to NPR. Have a question for Amber? Send us an email!