Dear Overly-Attached Boyfriend,
We’re only doing this because we care about you, but this is an intervention. On behalf of everyone else in your life, you might be too attached to your girlfriend.
It happens so easily that it’s hard for anyone to blame you. Spending time with her is so much fun. How could anyone expect you to keep track of the fact that you haven’t seen your friends in weeks or that even your family dog is having trouble recognizing you?
It’s just so awesome when someone finds you sexy or when she laughs at your stupid jokes. Something inside you melts when you gaze at her eyes or her smile. Everything feels so new, so intense and so overwhelmingly wonderful. Who would ever want you to do anything without her?
We would. And that’s why we’re telling you this.
When you’re always with her you lose track of who you are without her. You might not recognize that your other relationships are crumbling and that your friends and family are feeling neglected. Furthermore you’re starting to isolate yourself from others in an unhealthy way, one that will come back to haunt you if you and your girlfriend ever break up.
This is a problem that lots of guys fall into when they’re first falling in love. One of your buddies might bring it up teasingly but you brush it off because it sounds like a joke. Your parents might nag you for it but what aren’t they bugging you about? There’s no real way to know exactly when it becomes a problem. So you’ve got to stay on your toes and be proactive about it.
No one is asking you to block off time with her and others into a calendar like your dating life is a continuation of your class schedule. We just want you to have a healthy balance. So starting this instant you’re on a relationship diet. Crash diets never work, so we’re not advocating you simply take a break from her and think that’s fixed things. Instead, make it your goal to include more fruits and veggies—think of “fruits and veggies” as “time with family and friends”—and try to cut back a little on all the dessert—gorging on time with your girl every night. It’s all about healthier decisions for you and her.
And definitely make sure you talk about your dating diet decision with your girlfriend. She should know why you’re thinking about changing things up with her and that getting more balance will ultimately make your relationship even better. Work out an agreement to stay strong but spend more time with other people. Say “yes” more to invitations from friends and family. Support one another when you make plans to spend time with someone else. Hang out as a couple around others but don’t be so grossly lovey-dovey when you do so. And most importantly check in often to make sure you’re both still getting what you need from the relationship. You want to be a strong couple but you want to be individual human beings as well.
Sincerely,
Everyone else in your life
