Just like all people are different, all relationships are different. The relationship you have with your bf/gf may be completely different from the one your best friend has with their bf/gf. What this all means is that assessing if your relationship is a good one can be difficult because, as they say, you can’t compare apples and oranges. But as different as all relationships may be, the good ones all have (at least!!!) these five qualities:
- You feel adored. The person you’re in a relationship with should make you feel special. Yeah, that sounds cheesy. But it’s a prerequisite for any good relationship. You have to feel like your bf/gf admires you, respects you, and feels lucky to be with you. Different people show this in different ways: maybe it’s through compliments, how they take care of you, or how they make your life a priority. But bottom line, your partner needs to make you feel attractive, smart, interesting, and, most of all, loved.
- You adore your BF/GF. Just like your relationship should make you feel good, your relationship should make your partner feel good. You should feel like you’re with someone who’s awesome, who you admire, and who you think is just overall a good person and a good role model.
- You can be yourself. A good relationship means one where you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. You feel accepted, and don’t feel like you have to pretend to be someone else. You should be able to dress how you want to, listen to the type of music you like, read the books and watch the movies that interest you, and take part in the hobbies you love. You should never be afraid of being judged if your likes and dislikes don’t match up exactly with those of your partner.
- You have separate lives. Obviously, when you’re dating someone you’re going to spend a lot of time together. But in a good relationship, you also spend a good amount of time apart. You should have your own friends and your own life outside of your bf/gf. There may be things you like doing that they don’t—and that’s fine—continue to do them on your own. Just like you don’t want to be completely reliant upon your relationship, you don’t want your partner to be completely reliant upon it either. Your bf/gf should have their own friends and their own hobbies, not just adopt all of yours. It’s too much pressure to feel like someone else is completely dependent on you for all of their happiness. You should make them happy, but ultimately you have to know that they would be okay on their own too.
- You are happy. Speaking of happy…a basic but easy way to evaluate your relationship is to ask yourself “since I’ve been dating X have I been more or less happy than before I started dating them?” A relationship should make you feel good, not exhausted from always fighting or trying to be someone you’re not. You should feel content, not disappointed, let down, unappreciated, or taken for granted. A relationship should make you feel good about yourself, not like you’re not good enough or greatly flawed. Yes, there will be fights, but for the most part, if you’re with the right person it should feel good—and easy.