I can still distinctly remember my five-year-old self drawing pictures in crayon of my dream man. He was tall with blond hair and a goofy smile. Granted, his smile could have been goofy due to my amateur drawing skills, but the dream for a future with the perfect man was there. 

As I grew up, movies and books taught me that there was more to my perfect man that just a physical appearance. He also had to be romantic, and brave, and charming, and confident.  He needed to carry me away on his white horse. Though I never directly bought into the idea of a silent knight who had loved me the moment he saw me, there were rules and beliefs that I had about relationships that experience taught me couldn’t have been more wrong. When I realized that some of my assumptions were vastly incorrect, it was a relief to know the truth. These are some of the assumptions about relationships that I came to realize were just not true:

The lie that: You will immediately find a “perfect match.”
Though movies like to show people finding their true love on their first try, this is nearly impossible. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, just that it often takes more than one try to get it right. Sometimes you have to learn mistakes in past relationships in order to do better in future ones. Through these mistakes you can learn personal traits you don’t like or situations that you’ll know in the future how to avoid. It can be crushing to lose your first partner, but it also is an opportunity to learn. There can be a lot of pressure to find the right person, but it is important to remember that you still have so much time! 

The lie that: Your partner should be able to read your mind.
Let’s face it, there aren’t many Edward Cullens in the world. In my experience I have felt a lot of frustration because my partner didn’t understand what I was feeling, but how could I expect them to know if I didn’t tell them? This is where communication comes in. Although it might be initially uncomfortable or even awkward to explain how you feel, it gets easier. The confusion and guessing games that it avoids makes talking worth it. Believe it or not, by communicating your feelings with your partner you are also instilling respect and understanding in your relationship. Strong relationships are built on communication. 

The lie that: The guy always has to pay for a date.
I had always thought that no matter what the guy had to pay. That is what made it a date, right? Sure it is nice that I don’t have to pay for my food or movies, but what does that really say about my relationship with that person? Personally, while I don’t mind saving money, I also think that one of the signs of equality and responsibility in a relationship is in how expenses are shared. There is also the danger of being indebted to someone and feeling like you owe them something after they pay for your diner. That isn’t the case. It can be romantic for the guy to pay, but that doesn’t mean it is the only way.

The lie that: Relationships are like a game.
When you’re texting with someone that you like do you find yourself waiting a few minutes to text back so that you don’t seem too eager? When you know that you are in love with someone, do you wait so that you don’t have to be the one to say it first? These two situations show how a lot of the time we see relationships as a game. When you worry about whether you like the other person more than they like you, you are worrying about being vulnerable to them and potentially losing this “game.” It doesn’t have to be this way. In a true, loving relationship you don’t have to worry about winning or losing, just being comfortable in exposing yourself to another person.

The lie that the damsel tells herself…
Oh, the classic “damsel in distress.” Remember the story where the princess is rescued by her knight in shining armor? What if she rescued herself? The damsel is not defined by her partner; she can be her own person. This applies to our modern day relationships all too well. We expect in our relationships for our partners to make us better people. We expect them to rescue us from our fears and our demons. We need to realize that they can’t do that for us; we have to be our own knights. Only you can rescue yourself.  

Hayley is 17 and from Palmyra, Virginia. She is a member of The National Campaign’s Youth Leadership Team. She can tell you anything you need to know about the architecture of any building and everything about the environment. She really loves the Earth. No, really. Have a question for Hayley? Send us an email!