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Dealing With the Pressure to Have Sex

Prom season…graduation season. Spring is all about special occasions, and sometimes that means added pressure to have sex. We’re here to help. Ask Us Anything!

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How do I bring up the topic of sex with my girlfriend without feeling like I’m pressuring her?

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How do I tell someone no when they ask for sex?

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I’m going off to college in the fall and I will be living 3 hours away from my boyfriend. We’ve been talking about sex for a few months, and I’m not sure if we should have sex before I go away or if that will just make me miss him more. What should I do?

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Lately, my boyfriend has been wanting to get physical, not sex but other stuff. We’ve been dating for 6 months and I’m afraid it will ruin our relationship. How do you know it’s the right time to get physical? How do i know he’s not just using me?

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When It’s Over

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You’ve held on as long as you can, but you know it’s not working. What do you do when it’s time to break up? Or, worse yet, when you don’t want to break up but they do. Ask us anything about when it ends…we’ll figure it out together. Submit your questions now.

If a guy cries about losing me one day and then a week later he hardly texts you because he’s “busy,” does that mean he’s already done with me?

He might be moving on, or he might just be confused, but the bottom line is that you can’t know what’s going on in his head for sure unless you ask him. It might feel awkward to bring up, but you deserve to know if he’s into you or if you should find someone new. He might actually be busy, but he might not be worth your time if this pattern continues.

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I always try to solve something wrong and talk about it because I can’t hold back what I’m thinking. Then he says I always try to start arguments and I’m a drama queen. Usually the problem is he’s insensitive when I’m sad and he never has time for me.

Talking about how you feel and being honest is a great trait to have whether you’re in a relationship or not. It sounds like you’re being really honest, but that your boyfriend isn’t necessarily receptive to talking about feelings in the same way you are. It might help to let him know that you bring things up because you want to be closer as a couple and that he should feel free to do the same thing. At the same time, if he’s the only one that you’re going to talk about these worries, it might be a little bit overwhelming for him. Ask him how you can talk to him about how you’re feeling in a way that is comfortable for him. It might be that he feels awkward and doesn’t know how to respond or he might take your comments as an attack on him. It might be a good idea to think of another friend—someone you can really trust—who you can talk to about these kinds of conflicts and who can help you work these things out.

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What if you like someone, but you run out of things to talk about?

Having a crush can be really nerve-wracking and running out of things to say can be a real worry. Try to bring up things you have in common like a big English test coming up, the school basketball game on Friday, or a TV show that you’re both obsessing over. They might sound like basic topics, but keep in mind that you’re trying to build a relationship with this person the same way you’d start a friendship with anyone else. If you want to get to know this person, seeing what you have in common is a great place to start.

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What does it mean when your boyfriend hangs out more with his girl friends than his girlfriend?

The only way to know for sure what your boyfriend is thinking is to have an honest conversation with him. He might just miss his friends or he might be nervous around you, but the best thing you can do is to ask him what he’s thinking. He might not know that hanging out with his girl friends bothers you, especially if they’ve been friends for a long time and are used to hanging out a lot. It might be a good idea to ask if you can come along when he hangs out with them, rather than asking him to choose between his friends and you.

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I dated my ex for two months, but then she broke up with me and got a new boyfriend. I still love her. How do I get her back?

Breakups can be really tough and it might not be possible to get your girlfriend back. It seems like she has moved on, and as difficult as it is, it might be time for you to do the same. It’s totally normal to still have feelings for an ex, but right now it’s really important that you work on moving on. Getting through a breakup can be hard, but it helps to lean on your friends and family or throw yourself into a new activity to take your mind off your ex. It can also help to unfollow your ex on social media—even if it’s just for a little while—because it can be impossible to get over someone when you’re tempted to check up on what they’re posting all the time.

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She and I are almost complete opposites, and I’m afraid this is a sign that won’t last. I’m always afraid that she could leave me for someone she has more in common with. What do you think?

Sometimes it’s fun to be in a relationship with someone who is really different from you because you can open each other up to new experiences. If you’re really worried about her breaking up with you, have a conversation. Open communication is important in any relationship and it can help you feel a lot more comfortable. You guys are in a relationship for a reason and she might not even know that you’re having these worries. Talking it out can might make you feel better about celebrating the differences in your relationship.

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My best friend and I had a fight and now she won’t talk to me. I told her something very personal and asked her to keep it a secret, but I found out she has already told at least four people. I got mad at her and told her I didn’t know if I could trust her anymore and that she really hurt my feelings. She got upset with me and hasn’t spoken to me in two weeks. What do I do?

Telling a secret is a serious breach of trust and you have the right to be upset with your friend. It seems like she’s not very willing to talk, but trying to set up a time to talk privately seems like the best option here. You guys aren’t going to fix the tension between you without having an honest and frank talk about what happened and how you can fix your friendship. It sounds like you’re both pretty hurt and your friend might also be embarrassed or angry with herself for letting your secret slip. In order for you guys to see if there is a friendship left to salvage, you need to calmly let each other know how you’re feeling and try to see things from the other person’s point of view. It will be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s important to let one another know what you need out of the friendship so that you’re both on the same page moving forward.

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I have a friend who is unstable and passive-aggressive. We’ve been friends for two years now and I could deal with her because I’m usually a very happy person. She has become friends with someone I am very close with and she has hurt him with the way she acts. As much as I enjoy the highs in our friendship, the lows outweigh the highs. But I don’t know how to pull away if she is still friends with him.

It sounds like you need to have an honest conversation with this friend. Gently let her know how you’re feeling and that you value her friendship, but can’t continue if she’s going to put you down. Give her the chance to respond and let you know where she’s coming from; open communication can go a long way toward repairing a friendship. If she shuts you down when you try to talk or if this pattern of behavior continues, it might be time to walk away from the friendship. At the end of the day, you need to do what’s best for you and decide whether breaking off an unhealthy friendship is better for you in the long run.

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My boyfriend has never seen me without makeup before. I wear about the average amount a high schooler would. What if he sees without makeup and dosen’t love me anymore?

If your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore without makeup, then he is not worth your time! Relationships are about more than looks and makeup is meant to enhance natural beauty anyway. It’s totally normal to be nervous about going out without makeup if you usually wear it, but it should not be a deal breaker in a relationship if you’re dating someone who loves you for you.

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