Parental Control 2.0
When it comes to dating, my mom and step dad are what some might call over-protective, and what others would call responsible guardians. I personally agree with the second statement, and I really appreciate how my mom and step dad act if I’m dating someone. Sure, my step dad will toss in an overload of terrible jokes to awkwardly break the ice, and my mom might talk too much because she’s interested in how the boy will treat me, but for the most part, they are excellent parents when it comes to this issue.
Rules are what keep my house running smoothly. We all communicate with each other to help solve problems, and we try to tell each other if something is off about a situation for the safety of the rest of the family. The biggest dating rule that my mom set for my sister and me is that we cannot start dating until we turn 16, a time when we are more responsible and make better decisions rather than fake dating in middle school or during a challenging freshman year of high school. After moving in with my step dad, my mom enforced more rules because my sister and I were getting older. They now also want to know what the boy’s name is, how old the boy is, where he goes to school (and if he isn’t in school, then we’d be saying “see ya!”), what he looks like, what his plans for the future are, where he lives (Well, the city he lives in, not down to his street and house number. That’s just creepy.) and if he’s a Christian. After analyzing these factors, they usually will like what they hear and will want to meet him. That’s when I know it’s more serious, and that I’m more likely to get their approval.
I would say that my parents definitely take a step forward rather than a step back when it comes to my relationships, but I like that they do that because it’s usually not too much, and I know that they have my best interests in mind. I do agree with their dating rules because it keeps me safer, makes me glad that I have a good and open relationship with them, and helps them to better understand what’s going on in my life, and the guy usually doesn’t mind or has parents that act the same way.
My friends’ parents are a different story. Some let their children date whomever they want, whenever they want, which I do not agree with. Others don’t let their children date at all, which I also do not agree with because some dating experience as a teen is helpful for understanding romantic relationships in the future as grown adults.
At the end of the day, I love the way that my parents handle my relationships, and I appreciate how they respect my wishes and do not judge immediately.
Are your parents strict or more like mine? What kind of parent do you think you'll be when you have a teenager?
Jennifer is 16 and from Somerville, Massachusetts. She is a member of The National Campaign’s Youth Leadership Team. She’s kind of a big deal; not only can she successfully sport bright red hair, she’s met Ben Affleck. Have a question for Jen? Email us!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
my parents are strict on the dating rule too. its not like they forbid me from liking anyone or seeing any boys or anything its just that they want me to date when i turn 18. also they have to defintely become friends with the guy first. for some people thats a problem but to me i completely see their reason. when im 18 im already out of high school and have some kind of plan for the future in my head. that way i can focus on my future with the right guy and not stress emotionally instead of doing my school work. i pity for kids whose parents dont care about their childs love life. my parents are honest and kinda over protective but i love them for it. its good to know they care about me and have my back.
sex can bring you closer aswell as long as it doesnt dominate. Im glad I have an understanding mom I can talk to, she does make itd clear when she doesnt like who im with and when she approves shell make it clear aswell.
Sorry typos and grammar im typing from a phone. Im 16 and I live in ireland. Lost my virginity at 11 to my first girlfriend and I dont regret it
I’m 11 1/2 and I think it’s really cool how your parents are there for you when having a boyfriend. I know it can be frustrating and embarrasing but it really helps.
If they didn’t interact with you personally then you would be in trouble. They trust that the guy i chose will be someone worth my time, but they love to hear all about him. 🙂
~ Erica.
I’m 11 and when I’m and adult, I don’t want to have kids and if I had kids, when they’re teens, I want to help them handle their relationships with my help on their own.
I don’t want to have kids. I’d talk to teens who want to handle their relationships on their own with the help of their parents and their school guidence counslers.
I don’t agree with making a kid wait until they’re 16 to date because when you’re younger, dating doesn’t mean anything more than fun little thing to talk about with your friends. It’s usually pretty innocent and just something exciting at that point in your life.
i lost my virginity at a young age and im 17 i got pressured into and i wish i could take it back. i tell all my friends that are virgins to stay a virgin. sex is not worth it. I mean i havent had sex since my first time but i still wish i didnt. My mom dont care what i do and my dad is not in the picture any more my mom just tells me not to get pregnant sometimes i wish my mom just cared.
People started dating in 4th grade for me (which meant absolutely NOTHING except to say that they’re dating).
And I remember in 7th grade and listening to 6th graders talk about their “girlfriends” or “boyfriends” and saying to my friend, “That awkward moment when kids a year younger than you have had more dates than you probably will ever get.”
Even freshman year it barely means anything to date!!! You can’t drive or anything, and nobdy even sees their boyfriends out of school! Whaaat?
” . . . and if he’s Christian.”
Well then. Does that mean that you cannot date Atheists or Jews or people of other religions?
In my family, my parents could care less about what the guy I like believes in. As long as he’s not a devil worshipper, he’s fine. But hey, to each his own.
My mom and myself are really alike. (Scary>.<) we’ve made mistakes a lot, our mistakes are similar. We’ll I met a boy…he is nice and sweet to me, at school, im bullied sometimes and when I come home, he makes me happy. But my mom doesn’t approve, me and my boyfriend(the boy) sexted once. She doesn’t trust me being home anymore, so over the days, I’ve stayed with my grandparents. Our bond is better, but im still having trouble trying to communicate with her. My mom is strict, but I know she cares. Im growing up, I have one bestfriend, and we are alike too.
Well im wanting to be like my mom when I grow up, but she doesnt want me to, she wants me to grow up and be what I’ve been dreaming about my whole life. (College involved, vetranarian school, astronomer). She wants me to be happy, and once I can have her full trust back. I’ll be happy.
My mom isn’t very strict, when I first started dating she would write down the license plate number of his car. But now she doesn’t because I haven’t made many mistakes in life and she can trust me. She lets me have guys over and trusts that I’ll do the right thing. I think it’s a good idea for ME, but I hope she doesn’t do the same thing with my sister. She’s 5, but kids grow up fast. I hope she’s more protective, I know I will be protective with her and when I’m a mom I’ll be protective of my kids when they date.
my parents don’t like the boys i date even though he’s the sweetest guy ever we’ve been together for four months and he hasn’t asked for sex once. . .and he’s 17. my parents don’t let me leave the house ever. . .it sucks.:(
If Cinderella can get her Prince Charming without taking off her dress, so can you!
Im still not old enough for dating but i think my parents are like yours and thats the parent i want to be.
children have a right to be attracted to whom ever they want but i do agree they need to be careful about who they choose to be with
I like how you contradict yourself in the first paragraph. First you say that you think your parents are over-protective, then you go on saying that you agree with their opinion. In my opinion, telling someone an age that they can date is absolutely ridiculous. And, honestly, teaching teenagers that having sexual urges is something shameful rather than something that is simply human and natural should be a crime. And this is coming from the daughter of a Christian mother.
For a very long time, I thought that just because I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend of four years, I was a sinner, and I felt bad about myself. But the truth is that there’s nothing wrong with it. And I feel the reason there’s such a high teenage pregnancy rate in our country is because women are taught at a young age with shows like “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” that having sex is shameful. For example, in the beginning of the how, the only two main female characters who have had sex are either “victims” or portrayed as tramps. And the truth is that none of this stops people from having sex. But it might stop them from getting protection because they’re taught it’s something shameful.
It took a lot of me to realize what was really right, and I thank my blessings that I was with someone as patient as my boyfriend to get me through it. But at the end, I made the decision to have sex. I went to my local wellness center, and I got the most effective and long-lasting form of birth control I could find after thinking long and hard about my options. I chose Paraguard as my birth control combined with the use of condoms. And to say that this choice has been liberating is an understatement. I love my boyfriend very much. I’ve been with him for four years, and I’ve been sexually active with only him for one year, and I am not pregnant, nor have I ever felt pressured. And at the age of 18, after learning so much about sex education, what they tell you and such, I now realize how wrong it is to teach young women that such a relevant normal part of LIFE is shameful….
Well on my comment about the situation. I have a mom thats strict and my dad dont care at all but i say i lost my virginey at the age of 13 or 14 and I dont regret none of it and i say dont do it unless you are ready cause im 17 bout to be 18 and not pregnant yet and im not bregging at all.
Coming from a home of strong Christians, my parents have been really open for me to have a relationship. They trust that the guy i chose will be someone worth my time, but they love to hear all about him 🙂
It’s really cool how your parents are there for you when having a boyfriend. I know it can be frustrating and embarrasing but it really helps. My mom is a little strict on me as well. If they didn’t interact with you personally then you would be in trouble. 🙂
~Danielle
im a virgin and scared to have sex. Ive been asked and pressured many times I dont tell my mom because i know sh ewill make a big deal out of it. My mom is way overprotective when it comes to my dating or even like a boy, i dont find it fair but bbecause of her protectiveness im still a virgin and NOT pregnant.
my mom has rules just like any other parent,but she doesnt have alot. she just wants me to be safe.
I am so proud of you Jen, you have grown to be a beautiful woman of God.
Well personally, like ive had not exactly an easy life. My mom wants to know who I date but there are no rules per say. Im wiccan and as long as we are responsible and consensual its fine. Im bisexual ive had sex with two girls and I told my mam. Shes indian but generally fairly liberal. I am currently in a sexual relationship with an awesome guy who would bring me the ocean one spoonful at a time if it made me happy. I love him been with him for ages and its the first serious relationship ive had. Im on implanon so its grand with sex, but we make time for movies and romance, and he models for some of my artwork. Sex can bring you closer aswell as long as it doesnt dominate. Im glad I have an understanding mom I can talk to, she does make itd clear when she doesnt like who im with and when she approves shell make it clear aswell.
Sorry typos and grammar im typing from a phone. Im 16 and I live in ireland. Lost my virginity at 11 to my first girlfriend and I dont regret it.
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