Is Jealousy a Good Thing?
It may be one of the seven deadly sins, but envy or, more accurately, jealously can sometimes be a good thing in a relationship—if you don’t let it get the best of you. Think about it: if you’re even the slightest bit jealous if another girl or guy who tries to cozy up to your bf or gf, that could mean you have deeper feelings for them then you realized. Which could lead to a really meaningful relationship.
Pangs of jealousy can also make you speak up and tell your boyfriend or girlfriend what you really want: i.e. for your relationship to be exclusive, for them to call you more than once a week, or for them to devote more time to your relationship. But when you start to let those feelings overwhelm you or make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, that’s when jealously is turning you a not very nice shade of green. Here are some signs that jealousy is starting to take over.
- You start blowing up their phone if they don’t respond to texts or emails within two minutes. People are busy. Just because they aren’t glued to the phone doesn’t mean they’re spending time with someone else. And sending tons of texts/ making tons of calls is not the way to show you care—instead, it shows that you don’t trust your bf/gf.
- You want to know where they are and what they’re doing 24/7.Ever heard of the concept of space? Yeah, try using it. The quickest way to turn someone off is to make them feel like they can’t breathe. You have a life, don’t you? Your partner does too and you should respect that.
- You fly into a rage if they even speak to a member of the opposite sex. Chances are your person had lots of friends before he/she met you. And some of them may have even been of the opposite sex! You can’t expect them to just drop their crew because you came into their life. However, if he/she is spending just a little too much time with one specific “friend” you may want to check up on that.
- You check their email/Facebook/texts/journal when they aren’t looking.Hello, stalker! Invading someone’s privacy is never a smart idea. Not only does it completely kill any trust your partner had in you, but it makes you look crazy. Think about how you’d feel if someone did that to you. Totally betrayed right? Yeah, that’s how they feel too. And who wants to be in a relationship with someone they don’t trust?
There’s a big difference between healthy and harmful jealousy so be aware of how your feelings are progressing. If you feel even the smallest twinges, talk it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting it out in the open takes the power out of the feeling and can make you feel better. Promise.
Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
Well I’m the type of girl who can get along with guys better than other girls, not saying I’m a b****, but you know, sometimes boys are a lot more fun to talk to, but mostly the friends that I hang around in school with are girls, cause my best guy friend goes to another school and my boyfriend always comes with us to lunch. I get jealous when he’s around them sometimes because he has fun with them and it looks like my friends talk to him more than they do with me. I know he loves me because his time is mostly with me, but sometimes I think that someone would steal him away from me or something. It’s kind of a bad thing that I get jealous about him with my friends but I guess it’s just because I care enough for him.
if he want to cheat on you dont need he becuse you beauiful and you can have any guy you want take it from me let him go he going to hurt you it happed me
To my own view, i thnk jealousy is bad wether healthy or nt, consider d consequences of jealousy u will knw dat jealousy is bad
i dated this guy for 7 months he is 3 years older than me. im not the clingy type but he was so i just went along with it and i started to end up doing the things he would do text eachother 24/7 call all the time. my friends hated him. he was my first actual bf and we loved eachother. he would hang out with his friends all the time which was cool it didnt bother me if he wanted guy time. he would hang out with girls too and brag about it to me until i told him how it bothered me. i ended up breaking up with him bc my friends disliked him but got back together after like a week. than after we dated for 7 months i found out he had been cheating on me with a bunch of girls. after i broke up with him i would have been fine but he was soo depressed i had to tell his family and i had promised him that once im done school and university and if he has changed id get back together with…… since than its been a year since ive seen him and broke up with him and i miss him like crazy. hes dating another girl but i cant get over how jealous and upset it make me how me and him never worked out. i cant see me and him ever getting back together and i think that hurts me the most
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now but i get so jealous even fo the slightest things, if he looks at a girl or even talks to a girl i get so mad and jealous and make a big deal out of it but yet if i talked to a guy or looked at a guy i thought it was okay but i understand how he feels now. i just don’t want him to leave me for someone else, kuz i feel that i he can find someone better, i get insecure alot i don’t know why eventhough everyday he tells me he loves me, i love him too, he’s the best. when we have problems we talk it out and fix it, we compromise alot which is a good thing because it makes our relationship and love stronger. By the way a little bit of jealousy in a relationship can be good because it’s nice to know he/she cares about you and that he/she doesn’t want to lose you.
I get jealous really bad. I have been dating my boyfriend for over three years and I know I love him. My problem is I don’t see it both ways. I get jealous when he looks at another girl, talks about another girl, and just about anything that has to do with another girl. However, I would hang out with my guy friends all of the time and get upset when my boyfriend would go off on me becaus i knew it wasn’t a big deal. But now I understand. I wouldn’t want him going over to another girl’s house or anything. I trust him I just am so insecure I don’t want him to find something better. I love him and although I know it seems like we are distant I know we aren’t. He is my everything and I am really working on not getting jealous about him and other girls and maybe he will not get as jealous with me and other guys. (:
great
Well..I’ve been dating this guy for like three months and…He always has friends that are girls. Only girls, really. Sometimes when we have small fights over simple things he’ll go make more friends that are girls and just totally ignore me when I apologive for something that really wasn’t even all my fault… awhile back me and him broke up and he went out with his ex and she was a real B***** to him when they first broke up the first time, He told me he would NEVER go back out with her…But then he just went out with her, he knew how much it would hurt me and how bad it would make me feel. Then, about two weeks later he messages me and says that him and her are going to break up probally because he told her something. Later on, he told me that he told her that he still had feelings for me so she broke it off between them…Me and him are back together, eventhough most people say I shouldn’t be with him. The thing is, I really do want to be with him and I love him so much but…I don’t want to deal with all this that’s going on. Should I talk to him about it? Usually when I do he gets mad…What should I do?
Simple answer…BREAK UP if you get crazy jealous or your partner is jealous. If your partner does wrong to you BREAK UP! DONE< FINISHED
I had caught my boyfriend talking to his ex girlfriend from maybe 6 years ago. They were talking about how they almost had sex… and what happened between them. && just everything to do with them. He is with me, he should have been telling that b—- that he has a new girl and he loves her and wouldn’t do anything to loose her. Well, he wasn’t even going to tell me that he talked to her or that they were even talking about that until I checked his facebook with him beside me because of course I’m not going to get on when he isn’t around. But I did and I was very very upset. It hurt me so bad. Then I had broke up with him and he told me that he didn’t want her and that he was sorry and . But I couldn’t help but take him back because I love him so much!! But now I just don’t know if I can trust him at all… I don’t know what to do.
My boyfriend one weekend hadn’t called me all weekend . My my head , I knew he was going to break up w / me . All of a sudden he ‘ s accusing me of going to a party when I was really at home . But it sounded stupid . I know he cheated on me , cause he said he would never tell me if he ever did because he didn’t wanna hurt me . It sounds like some b——- to me . We been together for 9 months . Its so hard getting over him . What should i do ? Should i let him go , or should i stay ? I’m so confused .
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