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Summer Love

It’s hot outside and things are heating up indoors as well…have you met the guy/girl of your dreams? Or mabye only the one of your summer dreams? We’re here to answer all your summer romance questions. 

Are we ready for sex? We do other stuff, and we always have condoms just in case. But how do we know we are ready, we supposed to do it tonight but my aunt came as surprise so we had to cancel, we left I think upset, is that a signal that shows me he only wants sex? I want to but im not that desperate. By the way I'm living the country in two months, maybe he wants to do it before I leave?

Deciding whether or not you’re ready for sex is all about personal comfort—everyone is ready at different times. You should talk to him about your relationship and what kind of sexual limits you’re both okay with. That way, you avoid confusion and you can really discuss what you both are looking for and expecting in the relationship, which goes a long way towards feeling comfortable with your partner. It’s awesome that you guys have condoms in case you do decide to have sex, but you might want to consider another method of birth control as well. Check out our Birth Control Explorer to see all of the options available to you!

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How do you know you're in love?

Whether it happens when you and your partner realize that you’re obsessed with the same band or if it’s a result of the butterflies that you get when you see your sweetie in the hallway, knowing that you’re in love is a personal realization. As cheesy as it sounds, when you’re in love, you’ll definitely know. It might not happen right away in a relationship, and that’s totally normal! It’s also totally okay to wait to say that you love someone until you’re absolutely sure, even if your partner says it first! There can be a lot of pressure to say that you love someone, especially in a new relationship, but it’s important that you take your time and make sure you’re ready before you say it. Everyone is ready at different times, and it’s all about being comfortable in your relationship. 

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Have I found my summer love?

Maybe it’s the warm weather or all of the new love songs playing on the radio, but love always seems to be in the air in the summer! Summer flings can be so much fun, and it sounds like you’ve met someone who you might be interested in dating this summer. You may have found your summer love, but it’s important to make sure that you guys are both clear about your expectations. It might be a good idea to have a chat with your partner, just to make sure that you’re both on the page. If you guys are both comfortable, you may have found your summer love! Summer flings are a chance to have a more carefree relationship, but that doesn’t mean that you should forget about protection; check out our Birth Control Explorer to see all of your options.

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Should I wait for someone I like if they're already taken?

If someone is already in a relationship, you don’t have an obligation to wait for them! There are plenty of single people out there, and if you meet someone that you’re interested, you shouldn’t feel weird about seeing them. If the person in the relationship is asking you to wait, that sounds like it could be bad news. Think about how you would feel if you were dating that person and they asked someone else to wait until your relationship ended. Not so good. If you have a major crush on this person and aren’t sure if you’re ready to date someone else yet, that’s totally fine too! Everyone talks about summer love, but summer is also an awesome time to hang out with friends without the constraints of school nights and assignments to stop you from doing fun stuff!  

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Can you ever get over the One when he likes someone else?

Relationships can be really hard! It’s tough when your crush likes someone else, but it does eventually get better. In short— yes, you can get over the One if he likes someone else, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be sad! It’s okay to feel sad whether it’s a relationship that has ended or a crush who likes someone else, but keep in mind that if someone is really the One, he’ll be just as dedicated to you are you are to him. Relationships are a two way street, and you deserve to be with someone 

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What do I do if I'm seeing two people at the same time?

You need to make sure that everyone is on the same page—it’s definitely okay to date casually, but only if everyone is aware of and okay with the situation. Relationships are built on trust, and if you aren’t being honest with the people that you’re seeing, it’s not fair to any of you. Trust is really important in relationships and to make sure that no one gets hurt, it’s important to have an honest conversation with both people to make sure that your relationship is defined. It might be an awkward conversation to have, but if you were in the other person’s place, you would probably want to know exactly what type of relationship that you were in. It’s a tough spot to be in, and I’m sure that you like both people that you’re seeing! To be fair to everyone in the situation, it might be a good idea to come clean about what’s going on and go from there.

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So I really liked a guy last summer, and he liked me back... But I dated a guy and liked a few guys this school year, and now I'm going back to see the summer guy. What if he still likes me and I don't like him anymore?

Summer romances can be tough to return to, especially if you and this guy haven’t been in contact during the year. A school year is a long time! You dated someone else and had other crushes and he may have done the same over the course of the year. When you see this guy, you might just want to take the chance to catch up before you jump into thinking about romance; see how he’s doing and reconnect as friends first. If he asks you out or wants to hook up and you’re not into it, then just try to let him down gently by saying that you’re better as friends. If you do both reconnect and feel the potential for a relationship, there’s no harm in a summer romance—just be sure that you’re clear on your expectations.

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How do you bring up the future, like what your relationship will be when summer ends?

It can definitely feel awkward to bring up the subject of the future when talking to the person who you’re dating—it can be tricky trying to figure out if you two are feeling the same things. If it feels too weird to just ask your partner if you can talk to them about your relationship, try using something that you have in common as a natural segue into the topic. Maybe you guys have mutual friends who just got together or decided to stay together long term, or maybe you guys watch a movie or TV show that touches on summer romance or relationships in general. Whatever it is, using a conversation that you’re already having about something to start talking in terms of your own relationship can be easier than bringing up the topic out of the blue. It still might feel a little bit awkward to talk about the future, but you’ll feel so much better after you guys clear up any confusion, even if it’s embarrassing at first. You never know, it’s probably on his mind too!

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How do you he's not a fling?

Even though it might sound awkward or clichéd, the best way to figure out what’s going on in your partner’s head is just to ask! Summer romances can be tricky, especially with school right around the corner, so it’s a good idea to have a conversation about your expectations with your partner. That way, you’re both clear as to whether your relationship is more of a fling or the real thing.

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What are some good date ideas?

With summer comes a ton of freedom, you don’t have to worry about school or homework, so you have more time with your friends—and your crush. With the time to go on a lot more dates during the summer, the pressure might be on to come up with creative date ideas. If the weather is nice, you might want to hang out outdoors; depending on what you guys like to do, you might want to try going on a hike or going swimming together. To beat the heat, you can always try going on the classic movie date or whipping up a sweet treat, like cupcakes or this “ice cream,” together. If you’re ready to face the summer heat, you might want to visit the zoo or go to a baseball game as a fun, summery date. Check out this article for some more super cute summer date ideas!

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I'm 15 and some of my guy friends have led me to believe that a friend of mine likes me. We aren't super close, but we are friends. He's really cute and nice to me so I could see myself liking him. On the other hand, I've heard he can be pretty mean to girls my age and he's had sex before. He got held back so I'd be scared about dating an older guy cause there could be more pressure to have sex. My girl friends think he's bad news but I'd like to give him a shot. Is that wrong? What should I do??

I really like this guy and he knows that I like him, but everytime I ask if the feeling is mutual he dodges it? Why?

So I'm dating a guy who I really like. He fits everything I look for in a guy- smart, funny, trusting, everything. We want to have sex later this summer, but I'm a bit nervous. I feel completely ready to have sex, but I'm nervous to see him... Never even so much as seen him shirtless, let alone completely nude. Is it normal to feel this way? Should we have sex?

He sounds like a really great guy, and it’s awesome that you’re planning ahead! Being a little bit nervous before having sex for the first time is totally normal—after all, sex is a big deal, but if you’re very scared at the thought of sex, you might not be ready yet, even if you’re really devoted to your partner. If you decide that you’re not ready, that’s totally okay! Everyone is ready for sex at their own time, and you can still have a great relationship if you decide to take it slower or wait until you both are completely comfortable. If you do decide that you both are ready for sex, it’s really important that you use protection. If you’re not on birth control already, you might want to use our Birth Control Explorer to see what options are available to you and think about talking to your doctor about starting birth control. Condoms are great, but it’s even better to also use another form of contraception just to make sure that you and your partner are fully protected. Being protected may make you feel a lot more comfortable with the situation.

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How do I get my summer crush out my head

Summer means hot weather and free time—which unfortunately can mean a lot more time to think about your crush. If you’re trying to get your crush off of your mind, try doing summer activities with your friends! Make a summer bucket list and enjoy the freedom as you try to check off every item with your besties. Whether you all head to the pool to lounge, beat the heat by catching the late night movie or just veg on the couch together, being with your friends will probably make you feel a lot better.  Friendship is the best medicine when you’re feeling down in the dumps, and staying busy with your friends is an awesome way to keep your crush out of your head. Plus, there’s always the chance that you’ll meet a new cutie!

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So I have had this terrible streak with guys. Like seven months ago a guy broke my heart, four months ago a guy played me and I lost "it" for the first time, and then a guy was flirty and then sketchy then flirty. I gave up and decided I was done with guys. Then I found an angel. He is perfect in every way. He's beautiful, and nice, and a geek (Dungeons and Dragon and Magic), a musical prodigy(Cello, Piano, Flute, anything), cat person. He is amazing and perfect. However he lives half an hour away and I was questioning myself about whether or not I wanted to get into a relationship. There's no reason not to, other than maybe I'm afraid? He's perfext, a great listener, understanding, our conversations go on forever, and we accept that we are human. We're totally past that stage of pretending farts are gross and whatnot. So what do I do? Should I try and be in this relationship, or not. I'm afraid if I don't I might think he was 'the one that got away' during my mid-life crisis and embarrass myself, but afraid that I'm wrong about him and this will be a total disaster. What do I do?

I met this guy but we live half way across the country, I'm not sure it's gonna work out. Any tips or help?

Summer relationships can be really hard to figure out—should you stay together once September rolls around or give long distance a try? There’s no easy answer, and it’s something that you’ll need to really think about. Long distance can be difficult, but it can also be worth it if it’s a relationship that you really want to pursue. The best thing that you can do is sit down and have a talk with your partner; make sure that you’re both on the same page about where you think the relationship is going, and see if you both are willing to give a long distance relationship a try. Even though long distance can be really tough, it’s not impossible, and if you guys want to stay together, it’s definitely worth a try!

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If a guy knows how you feel about them, how can you tell if they feel the same way?

I've met my dream guy and we've been together for a year. The thing is that he's been working at a summer camp, and I don't know how to cope with him being gone, especially since I have no close friends. Any ideas?

That’s a really tough situation! Being in a long distance relationship for any length of time can be really difficult, especially if you don’t have many other people to hang out with. Facetime and Skype can be great ways to keep in touch in some cases, but if he’s not allowed to use either of those while he’s at camp, you can always get creative with letters (email OR the old fashioned kind). There’s something really romantic about writing actual, on-paper letters, and you can take your letter writing to the next level by including other little tokens of what’s going on at home, like photos of what you’ve been doing or a ticket stub from a movie you’ve seen and can’t wait to watch again with him when he gets back. While he’s away, getting involved in another activity, whether it’s a summer job or an intermural sports team in your community is a great way to meet new people and make friends to keep you company this summer! 

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how to make him want to be with me longer term then just summer? We got to school together

Summer love can be a little bit tricky…when you start a relationship in the summer, it’s really easy for you and the guy you’re seeing to have different expectations for the relationship because summer love has a reputation for being more carefree and short term. It’s probably best that you have a conversation about your relationship to make sure that you’re on the same page when the summer winds down. It might feel a little awkward to start a conversation about the future, so consider using something like a TV show or movie that you’ve both seen that deals with the topic of relationships as a segue into the conversation to make it a little bit easier.

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So I met a guy at a church camp last summer. I really liked him and this year I saw him again and we hung out at the same camp for a week. He knew I really liked him and we ended up kissing. But after he told me he loved hanging out with me and we left camp, he stopped texting me and started ignoring me. What do I do???

It sounds like this guy is sending you a bunch of mixed signals and that’s no fun! Relationships can be tough to navigate, especially if you guys only see each other for a couple of weeks at a time. Not responding to your texts isn’t a fair way to deal with the distance between you. You may want to send him a text or call him and say that you just want to talk about what’s going on. Try not to be angry or confrontational, just say that you want to know where you guys stand after kissing at camp. If he doesn’t respond right away, give him some space; he might not know what he wants, and even though he’s not dealing with the situation well, sending him a bunch of texts probably won’t make him more likely to respond. If he keeps ignoring you, that’s a response in itself and a message that you deserve to find someone better!

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How can I get a summer romance?

Summer means that you suddenly have a lot more free time—not having to go to school or rush to after-school activities gives you a lot more freedom with how. Over the summer people sometimes hang out with different people than they do during the school year, whether they’re co-workers at a summer job, people you meet on vacation, or fellow campers at a summer camp. You need to fill all of that free time by doing something, so even if you’re not attending camp or working this summer, see what kind of new activities you can get involved with in your hometown. Even if you don’t meet someone you want to date, you could will make new friends and have fun doing something you’ve never tried before. 

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What do you do when a guy says he loves you but needs a break this summer before college. For his birthday he wanted me to spend it with him yet after his birthday he has been ignoring. What do I do??

This guy might need a break from the pressure of a relationship on top of the stress of starting a new school or he may be worried about a looming long distance relationship, but the best thing that you can do in this situation is to talk it out with him. You won’t know what’s going on in his head until you talk it out. It might feel scary to bring this up, but it’s best if you just send him a quick text or give him a call asking if you can talk or meet up to clear up any confusion about your relationship. If you both are able to talk honestly about your feelings and your expectations are for the future, it can go a long way toward building trust in your relationship. He may not realize that you feel like he’s blowing you off, so talking about how you’re feeling should really answer why he’s been so hot and cold.

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What is a summer love? How do you know when you have one?

Not every relationship that starts over the summer has to be a summer fling, although there’s definitely no harm in you guys deciding to part ways once school starts. It’s a great idea to talk about what you expect out of the relationship soon after you start dating to make sure that you’re thinking the same things and avoiding hurt feelings. Remember, summer is a great time for a more carefree relationship, but if you’re in a sexual relationship you shouldn’t be carefree when it comes to birth control! Make sure that you’re playing it safe by checking out our Birth Control Explorer and seeing what birth control options are available to you!

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What do you do when a guy tells you he loves you and wants to go out with you, and always tells you how perfect you are and how much he wants to be with you, but then says he just wants to be friends for now. What do I do? Do I stay friends with him? I broke it off once but a few days later he texted me saying happy birthday. We talked all day.

This summer I got a job out of town and me and my boyfriend decided to do long distance. When I got here a met a boy a really like but he lives here so when I go back after the summer I'm stuck in long distance again. Should I stay with my current boyfriend or explore this new guy

Is having a summer love really a healthy relationship? I don't think it is, because some people really like their "summer love" partner, and then when their partner leaves them, they hide in their room for, like forever. That's always been one of my concerns, although I've never really experienced it myself, but some of my friends have.

Summer love can be complicated! Since it has a reputation for being more of a casual fling than a relationship that starts during the school year, it’s really easy to get burned if you and your partner are expecting different things. Just like in any relationship, if the two people aren’t on the same page, it’s easy for miscommunication to cause hurt feelings.  If one partner is looking for something casual, and the other is thinking that the relationship will continue on into the school year, that’s definitely not the healthiest relationship. It’s a valid concern, especially if you’ve seen friends get hurt this way before, but if you and your partner talk about exactly what you’re looking for in a summer relationship before diving in, summer romances can be really fun!

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How do you get over a summer bf/gf? And how do you move on without it feeling like a rebound?

Summer means hot weather and free time—which unfortunately can mean a lot more time to think about your ex. It’s okay to feel sad when a relationship ends, but time is also the best way to get over someone. 

If you’re trying to get your crush off of your mind, try doing summer activities with your friends! Make a summer bucket list and enjoy the freedom as you try to check off every item with your besties. Whether you all head to the pool to lounge, beat the heat by catching the late night movie, or just veg on the couch together being with your friends will probably make you feel a lot better. Friendship is the best medicine when you’re feeling down in the dumps, and staying busy with your friends is an awesome way to keep your crush out of your head.

Plus, there’s always the chance that you’ll meet a new cutie! If you meet someone new talk about expectations so you're both on the same page from the start. Summer flings are a chance to have a more carefree relationship, but that doesn’t mean that you should forget about protection; check out our Birth Control Explorer to see all of your options.

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My friend is fourteen years old, in a long distance relationship with a kid she met at a six week summer camp, and is completely enamored with him. She keeps going on about how wonderful he is and how perfect they are for each other; she tells me they're in love all the time. How do I tell her that she probably isn't in love with him without hurting her feelings? Her boyfriend is a nice guy, but it feels like she's obsessed with an idea of him that isn't quite true, and I'm worried about her mental health and other aspects of her life.

That is a tough situation! Giving relationship advice to a friend is never easy, but it’s one of the important jobs as a friend… especially when you think the relationship is unhealthy. Let her know how you feel—and try to remain sensitive to the fact that this is probably the first she’s hearing of this point of view and that it may be jarring. Do your best to remain cool, calm, and collected during your conversation so your friend knows this is coming from a place of caring and not confrontation or jealousy.

It may also help to talk to her a bit about keeping true to herself, even while she’s in a relationship. Planning a “girls night” so you can have quality time again (and maybe making boys an off limit topic!) would be one idea, but we have some more ideas for maintaining friendships through her relationship.

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I am a freshman who likes a senior. What do I do? How do I tell him I like him?

Hanging out with new people is one of the best parts of high school. As an underclassman, it’s totally normal to be crushing on a senior, but a big age gap can really effect a relationship. Before you decide to tell him, think about what you want out of the relationship. If he’s going away to college, think about if you’d want a long-distance relationship or if you’re just interested in hanging out for the summer.

If you do decide to tell him how you feel, it’s best to do whatever feels most natural. It can be nerve-wracking expressing feelings for someone, so it’s important to make yourself as comfortable as possible. It can be tempting to express yourself via text or Snapchat, but this kind of talk is best face-to-face. 

If all goes well, make sure you’re both staying on the same page with open and honest communication. Relationships—especially long-distance or with an older guy—can get complicated quickly, so ask an adult you trust and respect for advice on managing the age difference

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How do you keep an online relationship interesting? We've decided how and when we can meet up in real life (late Summer of this year), but how do I keep the relationship interesting until that point?

Keeping any relationship interesting with time can be challenging but it’s important for both partners to make an effort to do so. Since you know when you’ll be seeing each other in real life, talking about what you’ll do together and planning the visit together can be a productive and exciting topic! You can check out our cheap date ideas and summer date tips to see what interests you both.

If meeting IRL means taking things to a new place physically, you should think about where your comfort level is and discuss with your partner. The time to think about sex and protection is before the situation happens. Check out our birth control explorer to find the best method for you.

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He wants to have sex before he leaves for college this summer, but how do I say no without hurting the relationships?

You are never obligated to have sex. If you feel your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex, check out LoveIsRespect.Org or tell a trusted adult, because that isn’t a healthy relationship.

If you’re not feeling pressured but aren’t sure how to respond, the best thing to do is have an honest conversation. Sex is best when you’re both ready and comfortable, so tell him that! Be honest with him about what you’re thinking in terms of getting physical and ask the same from him. Caring about him doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him. At the end of the day, it’s your body and your choice. Not interested in sex? Say no.

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My boyfriend asks me about past experiences and I tell him it makes me uncomfortable to talk about that and he stops. But he keeps bringing it up later. What is he trying to do? What should I do?

Being uncomfortable, especially around a close friend or loved one is really tough.

It sounds like you’re confused why he’s suddenly so interested in this info—so ask him why he wants to know. It could be that he’s concerned about STIs or maybe he’s feeling insecure or jealous.  Or it could be that he just wants to find out what you like in a relationship.

Remember you don’t have to disclose personal information that doesn’t affect him. If you’re not interested in sharing or it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay and he should respect your decision to keep your history to yourself.

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My friend recently has been showing signs of interest to my boyfriend. She asks him to pick stuff up for him and she'll hand me her stuff to hold so she can go talk to him. She tells everyone except me that he's awesome and great but she hates when we're talking and my boyfriend comes up to kiss me on the cheek. Today she asked if I was going to stay with my boyfriend for a long time because she wanted to know. How do I keep a good relationship with my friend and my boyfriend while all of this is happening?

Ack! In any relationship respect is key. If your friend isn’t respecting your relationship with your boyfriend, you should talk to her about it privately. Find out if she really does have a crush on him and how you guys will handle it. Make sure she knows you’d like to maintain both relationships, but want everyone to be comfortable with the situation.

No doubt about it, it’d be hard to hear that she’s into him, but try to remember it must be hard for her knowing that he likes you. This conversation is the time for both of you to clear the air and try meeting halfway—so be open and honest and ask the same of her.

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My boyfriend always cancels or asks me to reschedule our plans because he wants to do something with his friends. I feel like what I say means nothing to him, and every time I try to explain why I'm mad, he calls me crazy. What should I do?

You are not crazy.  Having to constantly change plans last minute can be frustrating and disappointing, especially if it happens a lot. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t understand the effect his actions are having. One way to approach the situation is to privately and calmly explain to him how his constant cancellations affect you. By having an open conversation, not in the heat of the moment, it will allow you both to actually address the situation without either of you feeling defensive.

If nothing changes after you talk, it may be time to think about how his priorities compare to yours. It may be time to take a closer look at the relationship and see if you want to continue.

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I’ve liked this guy for a while now. We connected one time at a party and we’ve had some sexual tension all year. We made out one time at a party, but neither of us really remembered it. I want to hook up with him, but I don’t know if I should because he’s always making out with other girls. I don’t wanna hook up with him and then have him leave and make out with 5 other girls. We haven’t done anything yet, but we both want to. How should I start it off? If we’re hooking up for the summer (because he’s going to college in the fall) can I ask him to not make out with other girls? Is that okay or is it overstepping? And how do I let him know that I want to keep hooking up?

Sounds like a sticky situation to be in. Here's a few things to keep in mind when you're just hooking up with someone or when you find yourself in a limited term relationship (both of which are okay if this makes you feel good and you are aware of the circumstances):

  • You can't tell your hook-up what they are and aren't allowed to do while you're with them. 
  • You can't give an ultimatum such as, "If you make out with another person I'm not hooking up with you ever again." 
  • You can't punish your hook-up if they're doing something you don't like but that you two haven't directly talked about. 

What you can do is talk to your hook-up before you two start doing anything to explain how you'd feel if they also hooked up with someone else and see how they would feel about a monogamous hook-up or a monogamous summer relationship. If that's something they're interested in or ok with than go for it! If they're not ok with it though you need to decide for yourself if you can live with a non-monogamous relationship. If you can't, don't start hooking up. 


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