Ask Us Anything
Ask Us Anything
Got questions? We've got answers. This week we're taking any—and we do mean ANY—of your questions. Relationships? Birth Control? Sex? All of the above? Bring it on. Submit your questions by midnight, Thursday; we’ll post answers around noon ET on Friday.
I am dating a guy who i really like, and we've already had sex (safely). He was a virgin and we've only been dating for a month. I really want to keep having sex with him but I don't want that to be the only thing our relationship is about... Should we hold off for a while even though it was something we both enjoyed?
First of all, it’s awesome that you’re having safe sex, and that you understand how big of a step it is! There’s no harm in waiting to have sex, and you guys can still have a great relationship if you’re taking a break from sex. That said, if you both enjoy sex, there’s no reason to stop if you’re being safe. It’s good to be aware of not wanting your relationship to be all about sex, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to completely stop. You might want to have a conversation with your guy and see where his head is at. You’re raising a really legitimate concern, and the same thing may have crossed his mind. Figuring out how to find balance in your relationship is something that you’re going to do best as a team. Whether that balance means designating one night a month as a movie-watching and cuddling night where you guys don’t have sex and just talk or it means taking a break from sex and focusing on the friendship, the best way to figure it out is through honest conversation.I find this helpful
Well there's this guy and I've known him for around a year now but recently I've noticed him doing all these things that makes it seem like he likes me (like he's almost always around me, he talks to me first, he wrote that I love him on my arm, he put little heart emojis by his contact name on my phone etc) but I heard that he had a crush on this other girl for a while so I'm not sure whether he likes me or not. Am I just reading the signs wrong? Is he just being friendly and joking around?
Guys can be really hard to read! This guy might be flirting or he might just be playing around, but the only way to know what’s going on in his head is to ask. You might want to ask him what’s going on when you guys are alone so he doesn’t feel put on the spot in front of his friends. If you do decide to ask what’s going on, he might say that you guys are just friends, but at least you’ll know for sure what’s going on.I find this helpful
I am currently talking to my crush, and I've liked him for almost three years, and he told me a little while ago he likes me (I asked him if he liked anyone). I was really happy and we're going on a date this coming weekend, and I'm looking foward to our last year of high school together. But I'm afraid we'll get tired of each other half way through the year. I've always wanted to date him, but now that I have a chance with him I'm worried about losing him. What should I do? I'm trying to stay positive and optimistic but I'm just really worried.
The last year of high school is full of all sorts of transitions, so worrying about starting a new relationship is totally normal. The best thing that you can do is try to focus on the excitement that you have over finally going out with the guy that you’ve been crushing on for the past three years—that’s a big deal! Senior year is meant to be a lot of fun, and starting it with a new relationship should start your year off on the right foot. If you guys have known each other for three years, you might be able to skip some of the awkwardness of a new relationship. This doesn’t mean that you guys will get tired of one another; it actually might mean that you can form a deeper connection more quickly.
If you’re really worried about dating this guy during your last year of high school, you might want to have a conversation with him to see where his head is at. It’s important that you guys are both on the same page about where the relationship is headed, and chances are good that this has crossed his mind too. This conversation doesn’t have to come right away; it might be better if you wait a bit before bringing it up to him, but if this anxiety is standing in the way of your happiness in this relationship, you should definitely talk about your feelings.
I'm a guy and I want to know how to help my bro (guy friend) see that having sex isn't a good idea. He did it once and I don't think he understands what it can do to his future. (We're 17) so how can I help him see that he shouldn't have sex again, but not make him feel guilt ridden?
It’s great that you’re looking out for your friend! Sex is a big deal, and it’s really important that your friend understands the consequences of unprotected sex, and that you don’t need to have sex to have a fulfilling relationship. If you’re looking for a way to bring up this topic that’s not out of the blue, try relating it to a movie you’ve both seen or an event in pop culture that you can both relate to, talking about that broader topic first before you start talking about your own lives. If he does choose to have sex again, remind him of the importance of using a condom and encouraging his partner to use a form of hormonal birth control to make sure that they are both protected!I find this helpful
Around what time are you supposed to say I love you?
There’s no set time in a relationship that you’re supposed to say that you love someone. As cheesy as it sounds, what you’ve always heard is true: you’ll know when you’re ready! Remember: even if someone says that they love you, you have no obligation to say it back if you don’t feel the same way. Love is a big deal, so make sure that you’re comfortable before you say the words!I find this helpful
How do I make my parents understand that I am not having sex, I just have questions about it?
Remember, at one point your parents were in the same situation as you are, so even though it might be awkward, they do understand. Explain that you want to open a dialogue with them…stress that you’re not having sex—you just want their advice because you trust and love them. If you’re mature about it and explain your reasoning, hopefully your parents will understand that you’re just looking for information. Talking to your parents is really important because they’re there to help you. If you feel weird bringing it up out of the blue, try relating it to a TV show or movie that you’ve all seen. Talking about sex in a hypothetical sense like that, instead of attaching it to your life can help them give you information while still understanding that you’re not having sex quite yet.I find this helpful
What do I do when by best friend dates my crush?
Ouch! This is a really tough situation and can definitely cause tension between all three of you guys. When a friend dates your crush, it’s hard to know what to say: you can’t really forbid them from dating the person you like, but that doesn’t mean that you want to be around their PDA. The best thing that you can do is have an honest conversation with your friend. Let your friend know exactly how you feel, whether it’s hurt or awkward or anything in between, and let them tell you what they’re feeling as well. Getting your feelings out in the open can help you both going forward, even if it does hurt.I find this helpful
Ok so me and my boyfriend broke up.We were together for a year and i didnt want to break up but it just seemed like the right thing. I cant seem to get over him. How do i move on?
A year is a long time, and it’s totally okay to be sad about your relationship ending. Going through a breakup is hard, and you don’t need to force yourself to get over it right away, but you can help yourself by limiting your interactions with your ex. Sometimes, you just need to take reminders of your ex out of your life before you start feeling better—and that can include de-friending them on Facebook. The downside to this is that it can cause hurt feelings, but if it’s going to make the difficulty of breaking up easier for you to deal with, it might be a good option.
And keep in mind that moving on doesn’t always mean jumping into a new relationship. Sometimes a break up is a great opportunity to reconnect with friends. Looking to your friends for support after a break up is a great way to help you start to feel better. No one knows you better than your best friends, so text your besties and ask to get together and do a fun summer activity. There are still a few weeks of summer left, and that means that there’s plenty of time to have fun, whether that’s hosting a movie night or hanging out at the pool!I find this helpful
So my boyfriend is at college early and I'm going to be a senior. He used to at least shoot me a goodnight text like every night but lately it hasn't been like that. He snapchats me sometimes but I feel so disconnected... He's coming back in a couple of weeks to pack up and such. But I just don't know how to deal with this. I recently went to a party and I talked to one of my close guy friends for the ENTIRE night (didn't even sleep) and it felt really good to talk. He was kind of touchy towards me but it might just be him, but he also told me things that made me feel like he liked me. Anyways, my boyfriend is easily my best friend, and I'll see him after he comes back, but what should I do? Just stick it with him or try someone else?
Distance can be really hard on a relationship, especially if your boyfriend is in college. He’s probably busy with orientation, classes, and trying to get the hang of living away from home, so if you’re feeling a little neglected, you’re probably justified, but it may not be intentional. College is a huge transition, and it can be difficult to find balance as you’re just starting out. When your boyfriend comes back, you might want to have a talk with him and lay some ground rules for how you’re going to deal with the distance. An honest conversation is the way to go in this situation, so you guys really understand how the other feels and can make the choice that’s best for you both moving forward. You might decide that it’s better to take a break, and that’s okay too—long distance isn’t for everyone, and taking a break doesn’t mean that you guys can’t remain best friends.I find this helpful
How do you ask someone out without making it awkward?
Asking someone out can be scary! If you’re worried that just coming out and directly asking for a date might be too awkward, you might want to wait for the conversation to turn to a topic like a new movie that’s playing to see if your crush would be interested in checking it out with you.
If you’re nervous about knowing what to say on the actual date, a great way to get around that kind of awkwardness is to try a more interactive date, like mini golf or bowling, where there’s less pressure to sit and talk because you’re doing an activity. These kinds of dates can also be fun with a group! If you’re nervous to ask someone out for a solo date, try asking them to hang out with a group of friends or with a few other couples. That way, there’s less of the pressure of a traditional date, and there are other people around to keep any lulls in conversation from getting awkward.
How do I ask my boyfriend, without being awkward, if he has/thinks he has a STD?
Just from the nature of the topic, talking about STDs can be awkward—but it’s really important! Good for you for realizing how important this conversation is and for bringing it up despite the awkwardness. Condoms are a good way to protect yourself from STDs, but if you’re concerned about your boyfriend and don’t want to get into awkward territory, you might want to offer to get tested together…you can say that you have a personal rule: nothing physical until you’re both definitely in the clear. That way, it won’t seem accusatory, and you guys can both find out more about your sexual health together…while also opening up a really honest line of communication. Sure, it might be awkward to bring up, but in the long run it’s really important to know that you’re healthy and protected in a relationship. When it comes to STDs, it’s always better to check in with a medical professional. If you need help finding a health care provider or clinic, check out our Clinic Locator.I find this helpful
What's the best way to bring up sex with your girlfriend/boyfriend without being to pushy about it?
When you’re considering having sex, it’s important to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. The best way to figure out where they’re at is to just have an honest conversation about where they see the relationship going. If you feel awkward or pushy just bringing up the topic of sex, try relating it to a show that you’ve both seen or some event that you can both relate to, and use that as an opener. Bottom line: talking about whether or not you guys are ready and being honest with each other is really important.
If you and your partner do decide that you’re ready to have sex, it’s important to use protection. This can also do a long way toward making you both feel comfortable and safe, two things that are absolutely essential if you’re having sex. To find out all of the birth control options that are available and figure out what’s best for you, check out our Birth Control Explorer. Need help finding a doctor? Check out our Clinic Locator.
do you really have to use condom or its just an option??
It’s always a good idea to use a condom—they’re a relatively inexpensive form of birth control that also protects you from STDs. Condoms are also great to use as a second method of birth control in addition to a hormonal option, like the patch or the pill, to double up on protection. When it comes down to it, it’s important to be protected if you decide to have sex, whether that means condoms or another form of birth control. To find out all of the birth control options that are available and figure out what’s best for you, check out our Birth Control Explorer.I find this helpful
Hi! So right now I am not sexually active. However, I know I will be sometime in the future. I obviously plan on using condoms, but I don't want to rely just on that. I was the product of a teenage pregnancy but I don't want that to happen to me. How do I talk to my parents about going on the pill?
It’s awesome that you’re being so thoughtful about sex—it’s a big deal, and it seems like you really understand the importance of protection. Talking to your parents about going on the pill can be a little bit awkward, but just remember that they’ve been in your situation, too! Test the waters by talking about something you learned in health class or mention a peer or media figure who is using birth control. A conversation may be easier if you introduce the topic through a serious of adult conversations with your parents about sex, relationships, and your health and family goals. And remember to be patient with your mom and/or dad—you’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea of becoming sexually active/getting on birth control but this is the first they’re hearing of it…and let’s be honest—most parents (even if they’re the most chill, understanding, cool parents on the planet) are pretty freaked out about the idea of their kids having sex. So be patient and understand if they get a little nuts the first time (or two) that you bring it up…if you proceed with caution, they will hopefully begin to see your side and will respect and appreciate how mature you’re being about everything. If you want to get a better idea of what birth control options are available to you, check out our Birth Control Explorer.I find this helpful
I was talking to this guy last summer, BUT we stopped talking because he met someone that summer on vacation. I really liked him, then when school started again we started talking again and now we're dating. We've been dating for 9 months and I still can't seem to forget about this girl he met. She's contacted him while we've been dating, and I'm just tired of worrying about it. How can I move on from it?
Getting over this might take some reassurance from your boyfriend. There’s no harm in asking him about this girl, especially if it’s affecting your relationship. He may not even realize that her contacting him bothers you, so just being honest about how you’re feeling in a non-confrontational way is probably best so that you both can be on the same page about your relationship.I find this helpful
My boyfriend is headed to college in the fall and I'm just worried about him cheating on me because I know there's going to be girls and tons of parties. Nothing in our relationship has led me to think like this because he's never cheated on me or anything like that for the over a year we've been together but I just have my worries. Should I call it off to protect myself from possibly getting hurt or stick through with my worries?
Long distance can definitely be tough—it’s hard being away from your partner. College does offer a ton of new experiences, and can introduce temptation into a relationship, but if you have a solid foundation with this guy, there shouldn’t be a reason to worry, especially if you’ve never been concerned about him cheating before. The best thing that you can do is address these concerns with your boyfriend. If you guys are both honest about your concerns and expectations as he heads off to college, your relationship may be stronger for it!I find this helpful
My boyfriend and I having been dating for almost two years. We both love each other very much, but we're both going off to different colleges this fall and I know I'm going to miss him like crazy. Do you have any advice for long distance relationships? We talked about it and we both want to stay together.
Long distance relationships can be really tough, but if you guys are committed to staying together, it’s definitely possible, especially with FaceTime and Skype! College is a huge transition, and it can be really comforting to know that your boyfriend is there to talk to, even though you guys will be apart. The most important thing is to make time for one another, and to realize that there will be challenges to the relationship. Being completely open and honest about how you’re feeling before you guys part ways and while you’re both at school is vital to the health of your relationship.I find this helpful
How do I tell my mom I'm having sex?
It can be uncomfortable to talk about sex with your parents, but they can be great resources for you as you navigate relationships, so open communication is really important. The best thing you can do to calm your nerves about having “the talk” with your mom is to organize your thoughts before you talk to her. What do you want to get out of this conversation?
Keep in mind that when you talk to your mom about sex, you guys might not see eye to eye on everything, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a conversation. Just remember that your mom was a teenager once too! While there might be awkward moments in your talk, she really does understand, and probably has some valuable insight. If you’re worried about how to bring up the topic of sex, try starting a general conversation about sex related to a TV show or movie that you’ve both watched before moving to specifics about your life. And remember to be patient with your mom—you’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea of becoming sexually active/getting on birth control but this is the first she’s hearing of it…and let’s be honest—most parents (even if they’re the most chill, understanding, cool parents on the planet) are pretty freaked out about the idea of their kids having sex.I find this helpful
My boyfriend and my best friend kinda used to have a thing. They never officially dated, but it's still an issue. How do i handle it?
Even if your friend and this guy never had anything official, it can be really hard to navigate dating a friend’s crush. The best thing you can do is to talk it out with your friend—think about how she would feel in your position. The best way to figure out how she feels about this whole thing and make sure that you both are comfortable is to just ask her about it!I find this helpful
My boyfriend is ready to have sex and I am too but I think it may be too soon. I am on birth control and we would use protection but he's a virgin and I'm not. What should I say to him? (about it being too soon and him being a virgin).
Being comfortable about the decision to have sex is really important before you take that step with your partner. Even if you’ve had sex before, there’s no set time when you should be having sex—every relationship is different. Plus, relationships can be just as rewarding without sex. Be honest with your partner; talking with him about sex might go a long way toward making you both feel better. It might be a little bit awkward to bring up, but if it’s already on both of your minds, there’s no reason not to talk about it. If you feel uncomfortable bringing it up, you could wait until your boyfriend brings it up again. No matter who starts the conversation, it’s really important that you have a talk to make sure that you guys are both on the same page.
Another thing that that’s super important when you’re thinking about having sex is making sure that you’re protected. You said you were already using birth control but might add another method—condoms maybe? Doubling up on protection is a great idea; for more information about what methods of birth control will work best for you, check out our Birth Control Explorer.
How do I talk to my parents about me wanting to stay abstinent until marriage? I'm 16 years old and a virgin, but my parents don't believe me. I have a close relationship with them, but I'm religious and they're not. I just really don't want them to think I'm BSing them
If you’ve decided that abstinence is the best thing for you, that’s awesome! It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought already, and deciding to talk to your parents about it is really mature. There are a variety of reasons why your parents might not believe this, from not understanding the religious implications to remembering their own experiences, but if you outline your reasoning to them, hopefully they will understand. Talking about relationships with parents can be a little awkward, but just take some time to reflect and figure out everything that you want to tell them before you talk. Hopefully opening a dialogue with your parents and explaining to them why you’ve made this decision will help them to understand your point of view.I find this helpful