The Beef with Rumors
You can’t escape your teen years without having to deal with rumors—it’s just one of those crappy realities. Whether you’ve started one, are hearing one, or the rumor is about you, here are some things to keep in mind:
Technology can make people mean. It’s just a lot easier to type something nasty about someone than it is to say it to their face. Whether it’s a facebook post, a text message, a tweet, or a blog post, hiding behind a screen can increase someone’s cruelty 10 fold. When you say something to someone’s face you have to see their reaction—and if what you’re saying is mean, you might stop yourself because you feel badly when you see how much your words are upsetting them. Not having to see the other person’s reaction lets people type things they would feel way too guilty about actually saying in person.
Rumors are not always (or even often) true. This is the definition of a rumor: A story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth. I know this probably seems obvious as you’re reading it now, but in real life sometimes we forget not to believe everything we hear. Some things are blatant lies, and others are just a giant exaggeration of the truth. Here is the evolution of a rumor: Someone says: “OMG, Katie was all over Brandon, they might as well have been making out.” Which turns into: “Katie and Brandon were making out.” Which evolves to: “Katie and Brandon hooked up” Which someone might interpret as: “Katie and Brandon had sex.” When, in reality, perhaps they were just flirting at a party.
You can stop it. The idea of putting yourself out there to stop a rumor is certainly a scary one. But the truth is, probably a lot of people are feeling bad about gossiping or ganging up on someone else. It only takes one person to stand up to the crowd, and if you say something like, “You know, this is really mean and I feel bad talking about it,” you open the door for other people to do the same.
Trash talking hurts everyone. Wondering why you should risk standing up to the crowd? Because the toxic environment created by talking crap, ganging up on people, and spreading lies is one that will eventually affect everyone. Maybe this week everyone is making fun of Katie, but next week it could be you. As JT so wisely said, “What goes around comes around…comes around…comes all the way back around.”
This too shall pass. So what do you do if this week the target is you? Remember that it will eventually blow over. And though it sucks at the time—and it might feel like your reputation or friendships will be ruined forever—know that this will eventually pass and things will get back to normal.
It’s happened to everyone. This is another important thing to remember if you’re the one on the receiving end of a rumor: it has happened to LITERALLY everyone. One time I came across a blog where a guy (who I didn’t know) wrote some super nasty things about me. I really wanted to retaliate and write something mean about him, but instead I decided to kill him with kindness and teach him a lesson. His address was posted on the blog so I showed up on his doorstep with a bag of doughnuts saying: “I read what you wrote about me, and I just feel really bad that I must have done something to make you hate me so much. I brought these doughnuts as a peace offering and I was hoping we could start over.” He ended up apologizing, feeling really guilty, and he actually even asked me out on a date! But of course, there’s no way I would date a guy who sits at home on his computer writing nasty things…
What do you think? Tell us about your strategy for dealing with gossips in the comments…
Technology can make people mean. It’s just a lot easier to type something nasty about someone than it is to say it to their face. Whether it’s a facebook post, a text message, a tweet, or a blog post, hiding behind a screen can increase someone’s cruelty 10 fold. When you say something to someone’s face you have to see their reaction—and if what you’re saying is mean, you might stop yourself because you feel badly when you see how much your words are upsetting them. Not having to see the other person’s reaction lets people type things they would feel way too guilty about actually saying in person.
Rumors are not always (or even often) true. This is the definition of a rumor: A story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth. I know this probably seems obvious as you’re reading it now, but in real life sometimes we forget not to believe everything we hear. Some things are blatant lies, and others are just a giant exaggeration of the truth. Here is the evolution of a rumor: Someone says: “OMG, Katie was all over Brandon, they might as well have been making out.” Which turns into: “Katie and Brandon were making out.” Which evolves to: “Katie and Brandon hooked up” Which someone might interpret as: “Katie and Brandon had sex.” When, in reality, perhaps they were just flirting at a party.
You can stop it. The idea of putting yourself out there to stop a rumor is certainly a scary one. But the truth is, probably a lot of people are feeling bad about gossiping or ganging up on someone else. It only takes one person to stand up to the crowd, and if you say something like, “You know, this is really mean and I feel bad talking about it,” you open the door for other people to do the same.
Trash talking hurts everyone. Wondering why you should risk standing up to the crowd? Because the toxic environment created by talking crap, ganging up on people, and spreading lies is one that will eventually affect everyone. Maybe this week everyone is making fun of Katie, but next week it could be you. As JT so wisely said, “What goes around comes around…comes around…comes all the way back around.”
This too shall pass. So what do you do if this week the target is you? Remember that it will eventually blow over. And though it sucks at the time—and it might feel like your reputation or friendships will be ruined forever—know that this will eventually pass and things will get back to normal.
It’s happened to everyone. This is another important thing to remember if you’re the one on the receiving end of a rumor: it has happened to LITERALLY everyone. One time I came across a blog where a guy (who I didn’t know) wrote some super nasty things about me. I really wanted to retaliate and write something mean about him, but instead I decided to kill him with kindness and teach him a lesson. His address was posted on the blog so I showed up on his doorstep with a bag of doughnuts saying: “I read what you wrote about me, and I just feel really bad that I must have done something to make you hate me so much. I brought these doughnuts as a peace offering and I was hoping we could start over.” He ended up apologizing, feeling really guilty, and he actually even asked me out on a date! But of course, there’s no way I would date a guy who sits at home on his computer writing nasty things…
What do you think? Tell us about your strategy for dealing with gossips in the comments…
Technology can make people mean. It’s just a lot easier to type something nasty about someone than it is to say it to their face. Whether it’s a facebook post, a text message, a tweet, or a blog post, hiding behind a screen can increase someone’s cruelty 10 fold. When you say something to someone’s face you have to see their reaction—and if what you’re saying is mean, you might stop yourself because you feel badly when you see how much your words are upsetting them. Not having to see the other person’s reaction lets people type things they would feel way too guilty about actually saying in person.
Rumors are not always (or even often) true. This is the definition of a rumor: A story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth. I know this probably seems obvious as you’re reading it now, but in real life sometimes we forget not to believe everything we hear. Some things are blatant lies, and others are just a giant exaggeration of the truth. Here is the evolution of a rumor: Someone says: “OMG, Katie was all over Brandon, they might as well have been making out.” Which turns into: “Katie and Brandon were making out.” Which evolves to: “Katie and Brandon hooked up” Which someone might interpret as: “Katie and Brandon had sex.” When, in reality, perhaps they were just flirting at a party.
You can stop it. The idea of putting yourself out there to stop a rumor is certainly a scary one. But the truth is, probably a lot of people are feeling bad about gossiping or ganging up on someone else. It only takes one person to stand up to the crowd, and if you say something like, “You know, this is really mean and I feel bad talking about it,” you open the door for other people to do the same.
Trash talking hurts everyone. Wondering why you should risk standing up to the crowd? Because the toxic environment created by talking crap, ganging up on people, and spreading lies is one that will eventually affect everyone. Maybe this week everyone is making fun of Katie, but next week it could be you. As JT so wisely said, “What goes around comes around…comes around…comes all the way back around.”
This too shall pass. So what do you do if this week the target is you? Remember that it will eventually blow over. And though it sucks at the time—and it might feel like your reputation or friendships will be ruined forever—know that this will eventually pass and things will get back to normal.
It’s happened to everyone. This is another important thing to remember if you’re the one on the receiving end of a rumor: it has happened to LITERALLY everyone. One time I came across a blog where a guy (who I didn’t know) wrote some super nasty things about me. I really wanted to retaliate and write something mean about him, but instead I decided to kill him with kindness and teach him a lesson. His address was posted on the blog so I showed up on his doorstep with a bag of doughnuts saying: “I read what you wrote about me, and I just feel really bad that I must have done something to make you hate me so much. I brought these doughnuts as a peace offering and I was hoping we could start over.” He ended up apologizing, feeling really guilty, and he actually even asked me out on a date! But of course, there’s no way I would date a guy who sits at home on his computer writing nasty things…
What do you think? Tell us about your strategy for dealing with gossips in the comments…
Technology can make people mean. It’s just a lot easier to type something nasty about someone than it is to say it to their face. Whether it’s a facebook post, a text message, a tweet, or a blog post, hiding behind a screen can increase someone’s cruelty 10 fold. When you say something to someone’s face you have to see their reaction—and if what you’re saying is mean, you might stop yourself because you feel badly when you see how much your words are upsetting them. Not having to see the other person’s reaction lets people type things they would feel way too guilty about actually saying in person.
Rumors are not always (or even often) true.This is the definition of a rumor: A story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth. I know this probably seems obvious as you’re reading it now, but in real life sometimes we forget not to believe everything we hear. Some things are blatant lies, and others are just a giant exaggeration of the truth. Here is the evolution of a rumor: Someone says: “OMG, Katie was all over Brandon, they might as well have been making out.” Which turns into: “Katie and Brandon were making out.” Which evolves to: “Katie and Brandon hooked up” Which someone might interpret as: “Katie and Brandon had sex.” When, in reality, perhaps they were just flirting at a party.
You can stop it. The idea of putting yourself out there to stop a rumor is certainly a scary one. But the truth is, probably a lot of people are feeling bad about gossiping or ganging up on someone else. It only takes one person to stand up to the crowd, and if you say something like, “You know, this is really mean and I feel bad talking about it,” you open the door for other people to do the same.
Trash talking hurts everyone. Wondering why you should risk standing up to the crowd? Because the toxic environment created by talking crap, ganging up on people, and spreading lies is one that will eventually affect everyone. Maybe this week everyone is making fun of Katie, but next week it could be you. As JT so wisely said, “What goes around comes around…comes around…comes all the way back around.”
This too shall pass. So what do you do if this week the target is you? Remember that it will eventually blow over. And though it sucks at the time—and it might feel like your reputation or friendships will be ruined forever—know that this will eventually pass and things will get back to normal.
It’s happened to everyone. This is another important thing to remember if you’re the one on the receiving end of a rumor: it has happened to LITERALLY everyone. One time I came across a blog where a guy (who I didn’t know) wrote some super nasty things about me. I really wanted to retaliate and write something mean about him, but instead I decided to kill him with kindness and teach him a lesson. His address was posted on the blog so I showed up on his doorstep with a bag of doughnuts saying: “I read what you wrote about me, and I just feel really bad that I must have done something to make you hate me so much. I brought these doughnuts as a peace offering and I was hoping we could start over.” He ended up apologizing, feeling really guilty, and he actually even asked me out on a date! But of course, there’s no way I would date a guy who sits at home on his computer writing nasty things…
What do you think? Tell us about your strategy for dealing with gossips in the comments…
Amber Madison has been writing about sex, love, and relationships since college (she went to Tufts University) when she wrote for her school newspaper's sex ed column. Since graduating, she's published two books: Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality and Talking Sex With Your Kids and has been quoted in a ton of different media outlets from Seventeen magazine to MTV to NPR. Have a question for Amber? Send us an email!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
in highschool rumors are everywhere and about everyone. im pregnant and people are sayin im lyin that im just sayin it for attention. my reaction was “no if i wanted attention i would make up bs rumors like you” the rumors quickly stopped but try not to let it get to you no one knows you better than you so dont let immature people try to bring you down just because they are too tired of their own pathetic lives that they have to make others feel bad. your happiness is key. oh and if you hear a rumor dont pass it along it makes you as bad as the rest.
I remember when I was in the fifth grade there was this rumor going around that my friend Melody* kissed my guy friend Chase*. Even though it was untrue people would not stop talking about until the beginning of sixth grade. Even though I’m past the sisxth grade I can still remember the look of shock on Melody’s* face when the rumor finally got to her. Nobody would talk to her,besides me, because people thought she was a ‘sl*t’ (I don’t feel the need to spell the entire word for purposes of my own) and that she was ‘easy’, even though it wa only the fifth grade. I just goes to show the world can be so arrogant and creul.
Just 2 weeks ago, there was a rumor about me and 2 other friends at my church. The rumor then came over to my mother and she address to me if its true (which its not) and this is a major rumor for me because my mom is seeing if she can really believe and trust me. So, me and one of my friends are believing that the rumor came from our leader of the youth and now I don’t know if I should ask he about because its holding a grudge on me.
I think ppl can say wat they want cause of free speech
I think ppl can say wat they want cause free speech
it does hurt to be called alot of mean things i mean i been put into that spot but it sucks and it does hurt because you whant to cry and i was going to cry od=r do soething worse because i was put into that spot but i thougt twice before i did something stupid i told my friend and she helpd me out it always feels good to exprresie your fellings
I actually don’t no how to deal with it just yet I’m a freshman and I’ve lost alott of my friends because of rumors so ii don’t no how to deal with it just yett
I think if u don’t have anything nice 2 say about someone…Then don’t say it!!!
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