Guys often get a bad rap for being the ones who pressure their girlfriends into having sex. So it may surprise you to know that a lot of guys (8 out of 10 if you want to get exact) say that they feel pressured by their friends, the media, even girls, to get busy doing “it”.

While there are a few guys who don’t think they need to be in a relationship to have sex, almost twice as many guys say they would rather be in a relationship without sex than have sex but no real girlfriend.

It’s also important to remember that real intimacy and sex aren’t the same things. Being close to a person means really getting to know all about them, developing a deep level of trust, learning to rely on that person, sharing mutual goals for the future, respecting each other’s differences, and so much more.  Here’s the secret—intimacy is way more than just physical stuff. And it’s nice to know that guys think this is important, too.

Why do you think guys feel pressure to have sex before they’re ready? Is it the media’s portrayal of boys as sexual aggressors? Is it their friends, who judge them on how many girls they’ve gotten (or said they’ve gotten, as the case most often is)? Do you think girls pressure guys to have sex? Do you know anyone who was turned down by a guy who wanted to get to know her better

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Author: Michelle H.

“Waiting” is a word that most teenagers despise. By definition the word means to hold back or delay action for a specific amount of time. I can speak for myself and other males in saying that “waiting” isn’t the easiest thing to do at our age, especially because hormones are raging and our bodies are drastically changing. Despite the impulsiveness of the teenage male, it's difficult but important to wait to have sex.

Sex is romanticized and displayed all around our society. From Bud Light commercials to Jersey Shore to Victoria’s Secret...temptations surround our everyday life. Beautiful women constantly surround male teenagers lives’ whether it be on magazine covers, buses, or even at school. With all this pressure and eye candy, one would ask…how do we resist the temptation?

Resisting temptations is never an easy thing to do. Though, it might be difficult and stressful, waiting to have sex is an important thing to do. Saying “no” to having sex is more than bold. First you are not succumbing to pure pressure and second, you are able to control your emotions and temptations. Knowing and controlling your own body is one of the most important lessons we can learn as human beings.

So now, you ask me. ”Why should I wait to have sex?” The most important thing to think about when discussing this with a partner or friend is “do I feel ready, safe, and comfortable?” The time will come when you feel ready. One should not rush because his or her friends are all doing it. One should make a decision without any pure pressure or force.

Here are the 5 most important reasons to wait to have sex:

  1. Resist Peer Pressure. Sex will not be fun or safe if you are forced into it. Everyone has his or her time, and one should not have sex because everyone else is doing it.
  2. It’s Better When You Love Them. Finding someone you trust and feel comfortable with is VERY important. It will be a regretful experience if you choose to have a one-night stand with a random girl/guy. And believe me, everything is more fun when you truly care about the person.
  3. There Is Plenty More To Do Than Sex. Most guys will think I’m crazy but sometimes I’m just DTC (Down To Cuddle). To me, there is nothing better than finding a good movie and snuggling. Having fun with a partner does not only mean having intercourse. There are plenty of things one can do that don’t have to do with sex. Take my advice though, snuggling is amazing.
  4. Know Yourself. Fighting an urge is very difficult but rewarding when accomplished. Ignoring the temptation will not only make you stronger, but will help you get to know yourself and your limits. Resisting certain temptations is an important lesson to learn…so why not start with sex?

    Before number 5, I want everyone reading to understand that I am not against sex. I will not put down those of you who have had sex and I respect whatever you believe is right for you. I am writing as a teenage boy who knows what I, as a teen, am dealing with. The pressure that we live with everyday is very difficult but overcoming it is even more wonderful. They say, “the steeper the mountain, the better view from the top”.
  5. Have Something to Look Forward to and Not Expect. Don’t be entranced by the idea of sex so early. Have something to look forward to and value instead of making it a hobby. Sex is an intimate connection between two partners and one should not write that off. When something becomes more common, people tend to take it for granted, and that should not happen with something as important as sex

What are your reasons to wait? Do you agree with Yoni? Tell us in the comments!

Author: Yoni K.

High school is a volatile world of constantly trying to impress those around you. It sometimes feels like anything you do or say is criticized by your peers. That criticism even affects you when it comes to personal decision such as when you are ready for sex. As a guy I know the stereotypes that say “everyone is doing it” and “all guys want in a relationship is sex.” But those stereotypes are not necessarily true. Even if they appear to be true does not mean you have to buy into them.

Choosing when you’re ready to have sex is a significant decision. Never let others make that kind of personal choice for you. Never forget: it’s your life and your choice. I believe it’s smart to make this decision before these pressures confront you. You want to be ready to answer the question if it’s ever proposed. Plus those who make their decision ahead of time are more likely to stick with it when confronted with sexual situations. My choice, like many others, was to wait. I can attest that sometimes high school did not make that decision easy. The unavoidable truth is you may take some heat from your decision to wait. So I  came up with some ways to avoid or combat that pressure:

  1. Find the reason you’re truly choosing to wait and become passionate about it. Whether that reason is religious beliefs, personal morals, avoiding emotional consequences, or avoiding unwanted pregnancy, you need becoming passionate about your reason because that passion will make any flack you get easier to take. If you believe in your reasoning you’re less likely to waver from that decision.
  2. Be proud of your decision. Know that this is your decision and no one can tell you different. Know that you made a smart decision that has your future in mind. People won’t tell you to your face but deep down they may respect you for your decision. In some cases that person or friend may have made the choice to have sex in their past but has changed their minds and is now choosing to wait. You never know whose role model you could be.
  3. Don’t advertise it. Again, be proud in your decision but don’t wave it in others’ faces. Not only can you take more heat from it, you could also be making your situation worse. Some people may see you as a challenge and try to “pursue” you. With that being said if someone asks you what your opinion is, by all means proudly inform them of your choice. Don’t ever be ashamed of the decision you made.
  4. Have fun in a relationship without sex. You may find it embarrassing or may feel like you’re missing out when your peers talk about their experience with sex. But remember you can have plenty of fun within a relationship without sex. In a recent survey of guys ages 15-18, 66% said they would rather "have a girlfriend but NOT have sex."
  5. Understand you are not alone. In fact less than half of teens in high school have had sex. That means that more than half of all high school students are virgins. There is power in numbers and you speaking out may actually be supportive to those of your friends who cannot speak out.

Want more info on waiting? Check out our waiting page here.

Have you decided to wait to have sex? Has it been an empowering decision or one that you've taken some flak for? Tell us about your choice, how you made your decision, and if you experienced any negative consequences for it in the comments!


Author: Ryan F.