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When Your Best Friend Wants to Date Your Boy

You and your BFF share everything from clothes to chemistry notes, but one thing has always been off limits—your crush. Until now, that is. It seems that the guy you’ve had your eye on for months likes her—and she likes him back! Even worse, she wants to date him, and she wants you to be OK with it.

Finding out that your crush is into someone else is never easy, but it’s especially hard when that someone is your best friend. You could forbid her from seeing him, but that won’t do anyone any good. She’ll end up resenting you for keeping her from exploring a relationship with this guy, and just because he can’t have her doesn’t mean he’ll suddenly decide to start liking you. The bottom line: no one wins.

But you can’t be expected to watch them be all lovey-dovey around you either. Have a frank conversation with your friend about your feelings. Let her know that you really liked this guy, and while you’re sad that he doesn’t feel the same way, you won’t stop her from dating him. Then make it clear that you don’t want to be the third wheel hanging out with them all the time. When the two of you make plans, her boy needs to bow out.

Now if your friend wants to date your ex, as in a guy you actually had a relationship with, you may need to draw the line. There are plenty of boys out there—she doesn’t need to double dip. And since you probably told her ALL of the details of your relationship with him, it could make things really awkward—especially if things didn’t end well. Your best bet: make a pact with your friends that you won’t date their past boyfriends. It’ll save you a lot of weirdness and a friendship or two. 

Have you ever dated a boy your friend had a crush on? How did you handle it?


Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Author: Michelle H.
Teenagers sitting on a tree limb

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