I know you've heard: “Boys only want one thing,” and “They’ll take whatever they can get.” Especially when dealing with guys who fit these generalizations, it can be tricky to understand how to best handle difficult, high-pressure situations with the opposite sex.
I hope that you can benefit from the methods I have developed to avoid the rotten apples, to gain boys’ respect; to slow them down, and to overall manage uncomfortable situations as smoothly as possible. Sometimes I wish I had been advised years ago to:
- Conduct an initial evaluation of his intentions. Does he take you out in public? Does he call you often? Does he treat you sweetly? Boys are much more transparent than girls; they usually state exactly what they want from you, or their actions will speak clearly instead of their words. What this means is that you can quickly judge their initial intentions, and if they seem ‘dishonorable’, you can stop seeing them before you develop an emotional attachment or find yourself in a sexual situation that you will soon regret.
- Challenge his demands. Many guys will push to go as far as possible. For some, it has not been ingrained in their consciences to “wait” or to “say no,” in the way that has been in our minds. Interestingly, I think that almost all guys subconsciously want you to deny them at first, no matter how much they pressure you. When they beg, “Only for me” or, “Just this once,” this is a test, and if you fail and accept their requests instantly, you risk losing their respect. The more important reason why resistance is a critical step in any relationship, though, is that the decision to have sex is something that should be decided on together. If you’re not both on the same page, you definitely shouldn’t be having sex.
- Resist spontaneity. "Living in the moment” can lead to a lot of poor decisions—such as unplanned pregnancy or STIs. Spontaneity (or shall we call it ‘impulsivity’?) makes it much easier to get hurt and regret your decisions quickly after you make them. When a guy pressures you to “just live a little” understand that his unwillingness to wait might be a bad sign. Articulate what each of you wants from the relationship before you go too far. And things like drugs or alcohol? They only make good decision making even harder.
- Ask for help when needed. No matter how experienced you are, every sexual or relationship scenario is different. However, be careful about from whom you seek advice, because after all, these are very personal questions. Whomever you share information with needs to be trustworthy, to keep what you say confidential, and to have your best interest at heart. Be certain your confidante is giving advice that will make you the happiest.
Good luck, girls. Have fun, and be safe.