Ask Us Anything
Crushing, Dating, and Everything in Between
It's the season of love…cupids, hearts, schmoopy poems. So where do you stand? Are you in love? In like? None of the above? All is fair in love and war so ask us anything about your crush, your love life, or anything in between.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Is it a good idea to go to college together?
Choosing a college is a tough decision without even factoring in another person. It can be hard to separate yourself from your boyfriend—especially when you’ve been together for so long—but it’s really important that you go to a school that’s right for you. Maybe you’re both already set on the same school, but you need to try to look at schools without thinking about your relationship. College is a great opportunity to specialize in something you love and your academics and your future need to come before your boyfriend. Pick the school that’s best for you and if it happens to be the same school as your boyfriend, that’s awesome! If not, have a conversation about long distance. It’s tough, but it’s possible, especially if you have three years of foundation in your relationship.I find this helpful
This guy is flirting with me and I have a boyfriend. What should I do?
Unwanted flirting can be a challenge. If this guy is misinterpreting friendship as flirting, try nicely letting him know that you value him as a friend, but are committed to your boyfriend. If he is making you uncomfortable or does not stop after you ask, you might want to get a friend or trusted adult involved. If you find yourself tempted to flirt back, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. People do grow apart and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not fair to stay in a relationship if you’re starting to feel interested in someone else.I find this helpful
My girlfriend and I live only 10 miles away, but we haven't been able to see each other in real life yet. We want to get together, but the same things that have kept us apart (lack of independent transport, homosexual relationship, overprotective parents) are going to continue to keep us apart. Is there anything we can do?
Long distance relationships can be hard, even when you’re geographically close to one another. It might be a good idea to have a conversation with a trusted adult if you don’t feel comfortable going to your parents with this. It wasn’t clear from your letter whether or not your parents know about the relationship or your sexual identity, but it might be a good idea to involve an adult in this simply because they may be able to provide more guidance specific to your situation. You might want to check out this website for more resources on LGBTQ relationships and how to talk to your parents about it. If you two have not yet met in person, it might be a good idea to find a public place—like the mall or a restaurant that is between your houses—for your first meeting. You also might want to consider making it a group hang out. It’s not ideal if you’re meeting up with someone you’re dating, but it might make your parents more comfortable with the idea, which would be a great first step.I find this helpful
My friend has a sexual relationship with this person, and she always freaks out whenever he doesn't text her back right away. It's starting to really bother her, but I have no clue how to help her because they're not in a real relationship. What do I tell her?
It can be really difficult to hook up with someone without a label. It’s awesome you’re there for your friend in this situation, but you’re right, it’s hard to know how to help. It sounds like your friend has to have a “define the relationship” talk with this guy because it sounds like she might be more invested in the relationship than he is. As her friend you can suggest she talk to this guy about their relationship expectations and continue to show her support no matter what the outcome of the conversation is.I find this helpful
I'm always arguing with my crush, and he always wins... Is that a sign of an unhealthy relationship?
Constantly arguing can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship, especially if it’s affecting the rest of your life. If your crush “always wins” these fights you guys might not be fighting fair. Consider having a conversation with him about why you guys are always at odds. That might help relieve some tension between you, but don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. If you ever feel unsafe around this guy, you should talk about it with a trusted adult or a friend that can help. You should be with someone who makes you feel loved and appreciated—if that’s not the case with this guy, it might be time to go your separate ways. For more resources about unhealthy relationships, check out the resources at LoveIsRespect.Org.I find this helpful
I have a crush on a close friend. I think he might like me back, but my parents said they would rather I wouldn't date until I finish high school (3 yrs). If I wait until graduation will I be 'permanently friend-zoned'? What do I do?
There’s no rule that says waiting to get into a relationship will get you “permanently friend-zoned,” but it’s also possible that this guy will date someone else in the next three years. Since he’s a close friend he probably knows that your parents won’t let you date, which might be why he hasn’t said anything. It can be really difficult to figure out where you stand in the gray area between friendship and relationship. The only way to know for sure what’s going on in his mind is to ask. It might feel awkward, but it should clear up any tension between the two of you.
As for dating, it’s not a good idea to go behind your parents’ back, but that doesn’t mean that the topic has to be off the table. Let them know that you want to talk to them about having a bit more responsibility and calmly lay out your reasons for wanting to date. See if you can make a compromise—having your parents meet the guy first or going out on a group date—may make them more comfortable. They could still say no, but it’s good to let them know what you’re thinking and to be honest about what you want.
I made out with my friend's ex, and she confronted us. What should I do?
Getting between a friend and her ex can be a tricky situation and she’s probably feeling really hurt. She might think it’s too soon or her ex is off-limits, but the only way that you can know for sure what she’s thinking is to have an honest conversation with her. It’s tempting to hide your actions to protect your friend, but it can hurt even more if she finds out from someone else—which it sounds like she might have. Exes don’t have to be off-limits forever, but you owe it to your friend to be honest and figure out together if she can be okay with the hookup. If she still has feelings for her ex, you might need to decide if the new relationship is worth losing a friendship.I find this helpful
This guy shows signs of flirting with me all the time (long eye contact, practical jokes, and Snapchat streaks). I’ve really liked him since the first day of school this year and now I find out I'm moving this summer. Should I go for it or not?
If you guys are crushing on each other then you should go for it—but you might want to set some ground rules first. You know that you’re moving over the summer, so it might be a good idea to talk about what you want out of the relationship to avoid hurt feelings. If you’re both comfortable with something short-term that’s totally okay, but make sure he knows that you’re moving because you guys should be on the same page before you jump into a relationship.I find this helpful
I've heard that you're not supposed to get a salad on a date. But, I ate a lot of unhealthy food that day and I was in the mood for something healthy. Is it still rude to get a salad even if you really wanted one?
Not at all! Get what you want to eat on a date, if the person you’re dating has a problem with it they aren’t worth your time.I find this helpful