What do you want in a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Knowing what type of person you’re interested in can help you figure out whether or not someone is relationship-ready.  Hear what other teens have to say and think about the things they want in a boyfriend or girlfriend and then ask yourself what’s most important to you.



Want to hear more? We asked the teens featured in this video to tell us more about what they're looking for in a guy or girl. Here's what they had to say.

What do you want in a boyfriend?
by Edith C.

Every girl has a dream of what her perfect boyfriend would be like. Some try not to be picky, but in order to be truly happy you have to think about yourself, and what you really want.  

For me it’s not so simple. I want someone I can trust. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, and if you can’t trust them there is no foundation to take things further. With trust comes dependability, and that is my second requirement. I want someone I can depend on, no matter how big or small my issue is. If I can depend on someone then they can definitely depend on me. And isn’t that what a relationship is all about, having someone you can depend on?

Lastly, I want someone I can get along with, so before being my boyfriend they must be my friend. I want him to want to get to know me. I want him to know my good side and my bad side. And of course I want to get to know him. I want to know what music he likes, what his favorite movie is, what his friends are like, etc. There is no better way of doing this than through a friendship, and then from there that friendship can turn into a relationship. After a guy has all of these things down, I know that he is definitely boyfriend material. Some people may think I’m being a bit picky, but this is just the least any person can do in order to be a good partner.
 

Edith is 17 years old and lives in San Diego, California. She enjoys acting and singing and loves discovering new music. On the weekend, you'll most likely find her rocking out at a concert. Her role model is her sister because she taught her everything she knows today.  Got a question for Amanda? Email us!


What do you want in a girlfriend?
by Alejandro A.

Like most people, I greatly appreciate honesty from my friends and family. Honesty, to me, is the most important quality about a person and it’s the main thing I most look for in a girlfriend. I know that my girlfriend truly loves me with by how honest she’s willing to be. If she tells me things that are difficult for me to hear, I understand that it’s a symbol of the strength of our relationship. She’s telling me the truth because she loves me and trusts that our relationship is strong enough to handle it.

My girlfriend and I don’t lie to each other; it has been a great characteristic of our relationship. We have never argued about half-truths or perhaps an unmentioned ex because we have been totally forthcoming to each other. I have seen lies tear apart other relationships. Sometimes in a relationship, it’s just one person who is dishonest, or both lie to keep the relationship simple and easy. Cutting these corners will cause conflict in the future of the relationship.

Some may say that relationships can end badly and people should be more guarded to protect themselves, but I would hate living my life in fear of another person taking advantage of me. It stops me from being totally free and happy. I’m not saying voluntarily give out your PIN and Social Security number when you start dating someone, but after having an established relationship, one should be able to confide in their partner and know that their partner will confide in them.
 

Alejandro is a freshman at NYU, studying Biology and Chemical Engineering. He loves musical theatre, playing ultimate Frisbee, and being romantic.His jokes are also really cheesy. Got a question for Alejandro? Email us!


What do you want in a boyfriend?
by Amanda P.

Ever since I was 14, I wrote lists for everything I wanted for the new year, including what I wanted in a potential boyfriend.  That year I had just started high school, and it seemed the key to happiness was to have an athletic boyfriend who was a grade or two older.  So my new year’s list for what I wanted in a boyfriend consisted of 3 superficial things: a hot body, popular, and a nice car.   What more does a girl need, right?

I was so wrong.  And, I’m proud to say that, at 19, I’ve found out what is really important in a boyfriend. My list for an ideal boyfriend in 2011: open to new experiences and cultures, intelligent, responsible, confident, and considerate. 

In the past 5 years, I’ve found out how important it is to be compatible with someone and have them be similar in some of your personality traits.  One key aspect of my personality is that I love to travel and explore different cultures.  After dating some people who weren’t interested in exploring cultures, or didn’t have an open mind, I realized I needed to be in a relationship with someone I could share those experiences with. 

I also want someone who works as hard in school as I do, since a lot of my time is taken up by homework.  A guy who is confident with few insecurities is also a plus because then he won’t add pressure to the relationship by worrying about himself.  I find if someone isn’t mostly comfortable with himself or herself when they are in a relationship, it only leads to trouble.

Out of everything I want in a boyfriend, I believe the most important quality is that my boyfriend is considerate.  I feel that as long as I date a guy who considers my feelings when he is making decisions, he will never intentionally upset me.   If we are both considerate of each other, and we are honest with how we feel, we can have a healthy relationship no matter what.  
 

Amanda is 19 years old and from Monterey, California. She loves to travel and learn different languages.  In her free time she does yoga, volunteers, and tries out new vegetarian food recipes. Her current favorite recipe is vegan brownie cupcakes! Got a question for Stacy? Email us!

 

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Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.


WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:

ON MAY 30, 2014 AT 7:14 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

faith and understanding is everything to be. a person with a kind williing heart because a relatioship is really a team, and faith because i want to be able o grow in my faith with the person i'm dating

ON APRIL 12, 2014 AT 5:44 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I want a boyfriend who is loving,caring,sweet,funny and who acts like himself.

ON SEPTEMBER 21, 2013 AT 1:39 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

im comfortable around some boys

ON AUGUST 28, 2013 AT 5:29 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

a girl with Respect,loving,straight forward,good looking, comfortable to be around, some one who listens, not self centered

ON APRIL 9, 2013 AT 12:11 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i want a girl thats kind, loves to cuddle, straight foward and beautiful :)

ON FEBRUARY 15, 2013 AT 1:36 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i want her to honest its the most importantt thing

ON OCTOBER 23, 2012 AT 11:56 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I want a guy who is sweet and funny and doesn't take me for granet and treats everyone farly.who is cute with a hot body who likes me for who I am not for who I want to be

ON JUNE 27, 2012 AT 9:30 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

why do you want bf or gf

ON FEBRUARY 13, 2012 AT 7:09 PM, HOPEISDOPEX SAID:

I think you should find alot of everything in a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think most important to me is, respect, honesty, and feeling comfortable no matter what with him or her.

ON DECEMBER 30, 2011 AT 9:24 AM, ANONYMOUS NAFY SAID:

trust iz everythng........

ON NOVEMBER 6, 2011 AT 11:14 PM, CHRISTIAN SAID:

No matter what you may say or think, I can't see your personality from across the room. That said, while physical attraction may initiate a relationship starting as acquaintance, personality matters from there on out. If you ever get the feeling that you don't want to be around that person then it probably won't work out in the long run. You should be chill and easy to talk to. People who worry about the relationship should also be avoided. It will run its course one way or the other.

ON OCTOBER 26, 2011 AT 12:16 PM, SERENITY SAID:

I think that everyone needs to find someone they don't have things in common with and just introduce their styles and stuff to their bf?gf!!!:)

ON OCTOBER 10, 2011 AT 7:22 AM, ALONNA SAID:

I like that

ON OCTOBER 7, 2011 AT 11:26 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I think boysa re cool

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