TWO make a relationship, NOT three
I remember how awkward it was. My closest friend was going out with a guy who was known to be a player. He was somewhat good looking, and dressed like he came out of a catalog. She was so caught up in his clothing and his “good looks”, that she ignored all the girls who were his “best friends” aka “side joints,” in other words the girls he spent time with when my friend wasn’t around. I remember finding out he was cheating.
I rushed to tell my friend but she didn’t believe me, and she thought I was trying to break them up. That was the last time we talked because every time I told her to be careful she would take offense and get upset with me. She would start talking about me, making up rumors, and trying to get my friends against me. She was in denial, and thought I was trying to ruin her relationship. So I backed away, and let her figure it out. As for me, I learned my lesson. Next time, I would just give a warning and back away, because it affected most of my friends not just the two of us.
I have dated guys my friends didn’t like, but their approval never came up in conversations. I never expected them to approve of my relationships because they weren’t going to be the one’s in it. A relationship takes two people, not three, four, five, or six. Yes, it was awkward when I wanted to hang out with everyone in one place, because there was tension just having the conversation, but I personally didn’t feel like it mattered whether my friends liked him or not. It only bothered me when my friends talked about him in a negative way, or when he complained about them…which caused arguments in both cases.
I remember when I found out my friends didn’t like my boyfriend. We were in the locker room talking about guys, and once the conversation got deeper, we all started commenting on each other’s boyfriends and about the flaws they had. Each one of us was defending our boyfriends, and things were starting to get a little emotional. We acted like our boyfriends were perfect, but inside we all knew that our friends were making decent points. But when you’re in a relationship you try to avoid thinking about those flaws or actually confronting a person about them because either you’re scared to do so, or you like them too much to say anything.
That day everyone came out of the locker room upset and fired up, we were all annoyed with each other. But ever since that day, I think that a friend can comment or mention what they think but shouldn’t push their friend into believing what they believe is right. Friends should always be open to sharing with each other but when it comes to a friend’s relationship I think there is a limit. At the end of the day it’s your friend in the relationship not you.
Do agree that who you’re dating is nobody’s business but your own? Or do friends have a responsibility to get involved if their don’t like your significant other?
Melody is 16 and from Washington, DC. She is a member of The National Campaign’s Youth Leadership Team. Have a question for Melody? Email us!
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