So . . . Your Parents Hate Your Pookie
So you’ve found a great girlfriend/boyfriend. Things are going great. You feel on top of the world. Sun is shinning, birds are chirping, life is good. They meet your parents. Your parents can’t stand them. Whaa, whaaaaa, the music screeches to a halt. Here’s what to do when you’re in love, but your parents want you to give ‘em the boot.
- Ask them why. Instead of letting your parents’ feelings about your bf/gf just blow up into a fight, sit down and have a conversation about it. Ask your parents what it is exactly that bothers them, and if there’s anything that your significant other could do that would make them feel differently.
- Give your gf/bf subtle tips. There are times in life when lying—or obscuring the truth—is appropriate and this is a prime example. There really isn’t much good that can come from telling your bf/gf that your parents don’t like them. What you can say is “I’m worried that my parents are getting the wrong impression about you, and I don’t want that. Maybe you could try doing x,y,z when you’re around them. I just want to make sure that they see all the wonderful things I do.” And if that prompts the “why, did they say something” question, consider “padding” the truth. Unless of course, your gf/bf isn’t stepping up to the plate and making an effort to get along with the ‘rents—in that case your sweetie may need a little kick in the butt.
- Prove your parents wrong. If your parents are unfairly judging your significant other, make sure you prove that. Keep up your grades, keep hanging out with your friends, keep up your hobbies, stay healthy, and don’t give the parentals any excuse to think your bf/gf is a bad influence. After seeing how well you’re doing, your parents may realize there is nothing to be concerned about.
- Take a step back and look at your relationship objectively. It’s true that the only people who know everything about a relationship are the two people who are in it. But, when you really like someone you can be totally blind to how they might be mistreating you and it’s nearly impossible to have an objective opinion. It’s possible that your parents are seeing something in your relationship that your feelings are blinding you to, and that’s why they don’t like your baby. You don’t have to admit this to your parents, but use their hesitation about your bf/gf as a sign that you should take an honest look at what’s going on in your relationship, and see if what they are saying has merit. Are you happy? Does your partner make you feel valued and compliment you? Do they treat you with respect and kindness? Are they still respectful even when you’re in an argument? Do you still have an active life outside of your bf/gf? Do your friends think you have a healthy relationship? (You can find out more about relationships—healthy and unhealthy—here!)
It’s hard when anyone in your life dislikes your significant other, but even harder when it’s your parents. If after looking at your relationship you feel your parents got a misread, then you just have to make every effort to smooth things over until they change their mind. Tell your parents their opinion means a lot to you, but that you think they got the wrong impression. Then, reassure them that if you ever need relationship advice you will come to them. Sometimes, parents just need to be reminded that they’re still a relevant and important part of your life!
Have you ever dated someone that your parents disliked? How did you handle it? Tell us your story in the comments!
Amber Madison has been writing about sex, love, and relationships since college (she went to Tufts University) when she wrote for her school newspaper's sex ed column. Since graduating, she's published two books: Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality and Talking Sex With Your Kids and has been quoted in a ton of different media outlets from Seventeen magazine to MTV to NPR. Have a question for Amber? Send us an email!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
My parents dislike the guy that i love. He and i are not together at the moment but i cant ay that its not gonna happen. My parents dislike him because he has disreapected them on occasions. I havent necessarily been there everytime he has so im not sure who to belive. My mother tends to blow certain situations out of proportion. He is a jealous type of person so he doesnt necessarily like me hanging out with a bunch of guys but jus cuz he says that doesnt mean it stops me. My mother says he is controlling and yes at times he can be. But when my mother found out that i was engaged and not a virgin she absolutely hated him because i lost my virginity to him in my own home. She cut off all contact an yet i still contacted him. Im not much of the rebellious type but when its not by choice it hard to jus stop all communication with someone u care about jus like that. He lived with me before he went into the Navy an went to basic and while he lved in our house we both broke the rules that were set by my parents. Now even tho it was both of us who had a role in the breaking the rulea she hates him more. My mother i mean. I know my parents are looking out for my best interest, but i am almost 18 years old and i dont feel like i can make my own decisions when it comes to my personal life. Ive been told i cant be friends with certain people because they have disrespected my mom. Now these people are adults i dont have any control as to what they have to say to her. My mother is not n awful mom at all but she is controlling. The guy i wanna be with is having to put and prove a lot to me in order for us to even be back together, but if we do get back together. How do i handle the situation with my parents? Should i jus give up the relationship to make them happy? Or should i try and make myself happy even though i may make them mad?? Im lost right now. I have asked the guy i wanna be with to try and mend the fence woth my parents and he has said he will try but with the way my parents are its gonna take a while if it even happens. What do i do til then? If anyone can help id greatly appreciate it
Also don't give up now and be the truth u booboos and u can live with out him!!!!!!!!!!
Well me and my best-friend her brother and my brother all have a connection. At one point in time me and my best friend brother use to date. And she and my brother date. Well me and the dude are "in love" and every-one tells me that he's not the right and he's going to hurt me. I have feelings in my gut that tells me to cut him loose ! I have no idea why but they do ! But its hard because you love this guy. But, my best friend and brother have their own "situation" going on ! I don't know how to deal with this problem, and its kind-of hard talking to my best friend at points cause she doesn't help and i don't think she knows how I feel >_< , UGH ! I DON'T KNOW ! I guess I will try to work things out , but this GUT FEELING OF MINES, WON'T LET ME!
Me and my bf have been dating for only a month. My mom saw a pic of us and flipped out. I lied and said i wasnt dating him. I want to tell her but she wouldnt understand. She says I cant date him becuz im white and hes mixed... racist mom ughh. I dont understand why that matters? What do i do?
Well im in grade 11 and im 16
i am in love with a guy who is 21 and had alot of baggage
he was living with my family because he had nowhere to stay nd thats how we met
we were secretly dating
and we lied straight to my parents face
then my mom caught us
so he was kicked out and now they think he is a monster
the lying and betrayal was what killed my family
they wont let me talk to him or even see him or they will press rape charges against him
i am whole heartily in love with him
he makes me wanna live life to the fullest
he and i agreed to stay monogamous till i turn 18...
but my parents will always hate him
and im still talking to him over facebook and stuff... what do i do?
i hate lying to my parents
but this is something i cant tell them...
I want to be with him, i love him. But im scared that time will tear us apart because i will get brainwashed by my parents to think he is a monster
I know i can do better, but he loves me.
so what do i do!?
myy paarents hate myy boyfriend and want me to brake up with him but ive been with him sence sixth grade and im in 11th and i relly do love him and my family loves him untill they meet his brother i told my parents that they should stop likeing him because of his brother :/ i dont know what to do because i will not brake up with him he even gave me a dimond ring:( i need advice because i dont wanna lose my family but i dont wanna lose him to
im 18 yrs old and im seeing a 27 yr old. my dad and him use to be cool and my baby knows my whole family and my dad and i use to be cool till he found out taht we had a thing eversince then i hates my baby. my mom is cool she says that what ever my decisions is she will respect it, all my family thinks that my baby is a nice man, which he is. he has his life together, he works hard, independent, respectful towards me and my family and he wants the best for me. im so confused i dont kno what to do, i dont want to make my parents mad or disapoint them. they say his too old for me and everything i mean i kno they are lookin out for me and want the best for me but they should support me bc his a good guy, and they kno. they just dnt want me to grow up i kno. i believe in age aint nothing but a number so if we love eachother then it dont matter. plz any advice, i dont kno if i should please my parents or if i should stand up in for waht i believe in and live my life and be happy with the person i want to be with. i just dont kno how to tell my parents that im seeing him and that i want to be with him. PLEASE help me on this, thnx!
Ive been with my boyfriend for a year now. We love each other to pieces, but we've had some hard times. Recently, Ive lost my virginity to him and my parents found out. They used to love him but now they hate him. They wont let him come near them or me go to his place anymore. Im 17 almost 18. I just wish I could have them at least tolerate him. What if I marry him? I dont want them hating him forever. This is the only reason that they stopped liking him.. I want our trust back and I want the happiness that we all had back. Its just ruining so many tings.
hmmmmmm.... i used to dateee this dudeee mii dad didnt like him but mii mom aint have a problem with him. lookin bak i ke was bad news i mean hs got out ofjuvy and the stevenson house jk. plus he wasnt good at commiting
My boyfriend and I have been together 10 months. Now his parents say he can't see or talk to me anymore. They don't give a reason. :( They just say "I want her gone". I haven't done anything! Ever! He stopped drinking and cussing and checking other girls out when he met me, but we never hung out too much or anything. We live in different towns, so the most we even got to see each other was twice a week. I don't know what to do...because he is my first and my only and I love him...I really want this to work, but I don't know how much more our poor relationship can handle. We both come from bad pasts, so trust is hard to come by, especially him with girls and me with guys. But we do trust each other and it's so selfish of his parents to do this to us. I mean, we love each other. You can see it in my eyes and his eyes and the way we treat each other and everything. I'd do anything for him and he has already done a LOT for me. I don't want them to end our relationship because I will feel like I have failed. What should I do? :"(
I Love my boyfriend and I want to be with him forever and always but its hard because my parents hear all these rumors about him cheating on me and how he has hit his past gf's, only the second one is true but they also dont want me with him because they think its bad because he's 4 years older than me and drinks and does drugs. I dont care about that, I LOVE him more than I can say in words he's my everything and it hurts me SO much because they wont let me see or talk to him now. I hate it, and I dont know how much more I can take of this... Can someone please help me.... I just want to be with him and no one else and It really makes my heart sad..... Help.....
my parents tottaly HATE my boyfriend they wont even let me talk to him or see him anymore just because he does things that they dont approve of, it makes my heart sad to think of not seeing him it hurts because I love him more than anything and I cant even describe how much I care for him... I dont know how much more I can take... )':
i love my baby, but my parents dont like him. it has a lot to do with my mom not liking his family. i mean does that really mean that i have to leave him? just because my mom doesn like his fam? it hurts really bad when i hear my mom talking bad about my baby and specially when shes talking about it to my fam. :( one thing i learned after being with my love for 3 years is that its my life and in the end im going to be the one happy.. i have to live my life and if i make mistakes i have to make them and learn from them. i know im not making a mistake tho.. weve been through it all been faithfull and have the most wonderfull relationship<3 Ive thought about it quite alot, i mean should i make my parents happy and leave him or me be happy with my baby and I feel like shes pushing me away by her being like this i men hes a big part of my life and ive had many talks about it many many many w her.. and it always ends up the same... because she does not like his fam.. is this right of her? her fighting w me cus of her liking? i dont think it is i mean she does not have to worry about someone elses life that much its them and if you dont like them thats fine just leave them be. im a kind hearted girl and my mom taught me well and i cant do somthing thats not right for me. im going to make the best choices for myself because im the one thats liivng my life not anyone else.
My parents are so protective so you should just get them to trust you more. I know it hard to see your parents be so protective you should tell them how you feel.
my mom is soooo mean. she doesnt understand my life and my choices. i wanna live life not be stuffed in a box, she sooo unreasonable. she thinks just because her mother raised her one way she has to do the samee. i hate it. i cant tell her anything cause all she will do is make fun of it no matter what the subject is....like theres this guy i like and i waas talkin about it with my friend and my mom heard us and started to make funn ad we saww him once at a restaurant and my mom talked to him and completly ignored me at school:(
i met a guy at summer camp and he asked me out. we lived about five hours away from eachother so we emailed in december i broke up witth him. at first i didnt feel anything but then i started feeling lonley and i realized i might actully love him. now when we email its all ackward and were constently talking about the weather. and to top it of my mom doesnt know. what should i do?
My crush and I both know that we like each other, but I can't date. I still have not told him and I don't know how to. Advice?? Also, how do I find out if he is gonna ask me out, because we are madly in love.
i cant date til 16 and already have a bf what do i do HELP
@ ANONYMOUS:
It sounds like you have two options. You could break up with the guy, stop dating until the time that your parents are cool with it, and pretend like this never happened. OR, if you want to keep dating or feel like you want to keep seeing your boyfriend...then it sounds like it's time to have a talk with your parents.
Be prepared for a tough conversation...they're almost definitely going to be mad—after all, you went behind their backs and broke a rule they set for you. But it's going to be super hard to keep pretending that you're not seeing someone. On top of which, it probably feels pretty terrible to keep lying to them. When you have this talk, be open and honest with them. Try to choose a time that's free of distraction—maybe during a long car ride—and let them know what's up. Try to keep from getting angry or raising your voice.
If you need some more advice, feel free to email us and we'll try to help!
My parents get annoyed at my boyfriend sometimes because hes an aspiring musitian. they need to get over the styreotypes that musitians are all drugged out cheaters! my boyfriend is amazing and just because he is a sick guitarist doesnt mean he is a bad guy. (they also think he needs a haircut. that i understand.)
my boyfriend has a rough past.... someone hacked into his facebook and exposed everything that he's done. my mom saw it and she freaked! I tryed explaining to her that this was all in his past and over A YEAR AGO! he's definitely changed now but she's got her mind made up about him. she won't let him come over or let us hang out outside of school. im only 15 so its not like i can just hop in the car and drive over to his place. he says he will do ANYTHING to get her to like him again but my mom won't give him a chance. we havnt hung out outside of school in over 3 weeks and I really don't know what to do anymore. any suggestions?
my bf cheated on me once and i broke up with him my mom was happy tht i was strong enough to break it off with him we talked a month later and fixed things he told me how he felt when he did it what was going on thru his mind(i treated him kinda bad when i was with him and talked to sooooo many other guys and kinda cheated as well he doesnt know that for sure tho) and so we got back together but my mom doesnt know cuz she would b very dissappointed in me and well would b against it i have been hiding the fact that im back with him for 5 months and we want to tell my mom cuz well i hate hiding it and he does as well we jst dnt knw how to approach it hes willing to tlk to her and let her know he is committed and will never make the same mistake but we jst dont know how with out her blowing up :( please help! whats the best method (and jst so you know i know in my heart of hearts that he will never do it again and neither will i we have a strong relationship now)
I think parents are definetly an inportant influence in our lives, and we should respect their opinions. But theres a difference between that, and living your own life.I agree, you need to make sure you're not blinded by "love."But if you don't agree with your parents on something, or don't want to do something they want you to do, tell them so.I have thi one freind, who could have been in the advanced art class, but her parents wouldn't let her, even though that what she wanted to do.In that, case I think she should have fought harder to be in that class, because, thats HER life, not her parents.
well it really not a big deal if you love someone you love them can't anyone tell you who you love because you can't help who you love you just love them (sex is overrated ) you don't have to do it because everybody doing it if he love you he will respect your wish to (nonsex) WELL that what i think
i think that my parent's are worrie that their little girl is growing up so if your parents got that worrie look on their face you know what's it is
Wow...this article was helpful but its definately harder than it sounds to impress your parents.. Im in 10th grade right know and my parents are really hard on me about who my friends are or more importantly [to them] who my bfs are. I just need someone to love that loves me...that my parents actually like. its harder than it sounds...
Hey Anonymous #2, you are right, no one should ever give up on True Love. Having True Love there are trials, battles and hardships, but not to the point where it is destroyed. True Love should be growing stronger in tough and good times. I’m guessing your parents came off like that because they already saw what he had or idk. Believe me I believe in second chances, but the third time then the fourth and so on…how long and how many times, we’ll I guess if its what the person wants or is pressured/manipulated. Idk I just don’t think it gets better unless the one that can see the problem does something about it. This is totally from personal experience believe me. Sometimes lust looks and feels like Love, but it is not. I hope things change or get better for you and I encourage you to break the cycle. I’m glad you didn’t give up on your child while you were so young. :)
I have been dating this guy since I was in the 6th grade.. now i'm in the 9th grade . we have a daughter together . i had her when i was in the 8th grade. she is now 16 months. i understand where parents can come off like that.. my bf cheated on me. he has another child . she is older than my daughter.. but i believe in giving second chances. we have been on and off.. we are currently on.. you just can't give up on love like that.. well i know i can't . sometimes you have to do what your heart tells you. i'm happy. i love him .
If you see it that it has nothing to do by any such form or loophole in lying to the parents, then I would have to say lying or “sugarcoating” the truth to your partner is even worse or maybe the same idk.
Ok i'll give you a chance, what does this mean below to you???
“I’m worried that my parents are getting the wrong impression about you, and I don’t want that. Maybe you could try doing x,y,z when you’re around them. I just want to make sure that they see all the wonderful things I do.”
“I’m worried that my parents are getting the wrong impression about you (I wonder why), and I don’t want that (I wonder why). Maybe you could try doing x,y,z (I wonder what x,y,z could be) when you’re around them (them only). I just want to make sure that they see all the wonderful things I do (so why aren’t they).” It’s dark you can’t see me.
Ok shorter answer, no one should have to tell their partner to be a certain way in the first place, if this is the case then, well…I say cancel!
Give your gf/bf subtle tips. There are times in life when lying—or obscuring the truth—is appropriate… What you can say is “I’m worried that my parents are getting the wrong impression about you, and I don’t want that. Maybe you could try doing x,y,z when you’re around them. I just want to make sure that they see all the wonderful things I do.” [Isn’t this faking and lying??? Telling your partner to be something that they aren’t??? Totally directed toward the parents…]
Sorry, but sounds like your not a parent or maybe you don't know how to parent. I believe almost everyone knows what "young love" is??? Especially parents cause they have been there...what are you talking about? Stated above says "There are times in life when LYING - or Obscuring the TRUTH - is appropriate." So seriously help me out, idk what you're talking about? Either way it’s lying!.! For the tattoo guy that was an example…what’s that saying show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are, what, who you are, what what who you are…remix!
Hey I believe people can change, but the people you chill with aka have relationships with, is the direction you are proly going to go! Tattoo Guy – what my daughter is getting a tat, she joined his gang, saying bad words all the time, fighting and more…oh at least she is helping the seniors cross the road!
I read the above comment from Hope, and I have to say it does not sound like you are a responsible parent.. I'd say this article is right about needing your parents to understand 'young love' and your boyfriend/girlfriend. No where in the article does it justify lying to your parent- it says sugarcoat the truth to your significant other to get them to understand how your parents feel. As for the tatooed young man your daughter is dating, try and trust him it will be alright.
Ive always been honest growing up with my parents im 26 now but always told my parents what i was doing and made sure they always had trust in me... They knew i wouldnt do or act on something i didnt feel comfortable with and at 15-16 even tho i was stil a child i was treated like a young women instead of a teen cause i was up and honest and they knew i would make mistakes...
This article was definitely something I needed to read! I am currently in an inter-racial relationship and my entire family hates it! I will try using these tips to find out whats going wrong and why my family doesnt like him. Thanks!
my parents ateeeee my baby bbut ive been secretly dating him for 3 years its hard to sneek out with him
Wow, at first I was going to say that the article is right on, but the lying or sugarcoating is jacked. Don’t you ever wonder if and when you have kids they most likely are going to do the same to you? Ouch are you truly encouraging people to fake it? Oh yeah my daughter has proved to me that this tattooed thug looking gangster who tries to stop his bad word saying in front of me, is truly a helping hand walking across the street senior citizen kind of guy! I warned you, but I was wrong… What you attract is What you’re going to get. You know I made a mistake one time; I was the ONLY one to ever make that mistake of course, no one else, I mean no one else I can call too for help, because I made the mistake, something that NOONE would ever understand! Parents above all are and should be the most and first influence in their child’s life! Most likely your parents have gone through what you are going through or might go through, yes it is important to give children space sometimes and room to fail, as long as you are their to pick them up and love them. Never tell someone “I told you so!” either. Never lie to your parents, play things off or hide anything from them, be straight up with them, but yes understand them so they can understand you. Remember there is never time in life where lying is appropriate, eventually it becomes You.
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