How to Get Your Parents to Understand

You may think your parents are lame or don’t understand you, but surprisingly, the majority of teens say that their parents’ opinion of their boyfriend or girlfriend means a lot to them.  In fact, some would go so far as to say they wouldn’t date someone their parents didn’t like. But what if you’ve met an amazing guy or girl who you’re totally into and then the “meet the parents moment” is a total bust? Is it possible to change their minds?

Maybe, but it’ll take some work on your part. If your parents have concerns about your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s best to hear them out rather than dismissing them as lame or overprotective. Maybe the problem is truly just a misunderstanding. They thought he or she was rude and unfriendly, but you know that they’re just painfully shy and were super nervous about meeting your parents. Tell your parents why you like this person so much, what their best qualities are. It also wouldn’t hurt to throw in some of the thoughtful things they do for you.

It also helps to get them in the same room together on a regular basis. Start hanging out at your house more frequently, invite your boyfriend or girlfriend to come for dinner or to your little brother’s baseball game. The more your parents see the two of you interacting together in low pressure situations, the more apt they are to come around. Plus, if your sweetie is willing to spend time with the fam, that’s gotta earn them some points.

If you’ve tried all of these tactics and your parents still don’t approve of your boyfriend or girlfriend, you may need to take an honest look at why that is. Sometimes when we’re in a relationship, we’ve got the love blinders on, which can make it hard to see things for what they are. Your parents may think he or she treats you badly or is too controlling. Is this true? It may be hard to believe but your parents really do have your best interests at heart. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does my boyfriend/girlfriend get upset with me if I can’t hang out all the time?
  • Are my friends mad at me because I never see them anymore?
  • Does my boyfriend/girlfriend put me down or make me feel bad about myself?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, your parents might just be on to something.


Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.


Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!


 

WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:

ON JULY 19, 2014 AT 10:52 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I agree and I am a teen with a boyfriend. We've only been dating for awhile but it's like my dad is always making comments about him or just making rude indirect comments in geneal. I don't have that realationship with a parent where I feel close to them but even though I know his comments are wrong they still get to me. A lot of the times parents say things and don't realize how much they affect us and our descions. I know they want the best but they need to find a respectful and nice way to do it.

ON JULY 18, 2014 AT 5:24 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

This is really helpful! Im 15 years old, me and my boyfriend been going our for 5 months. My mom and my boyfriend know each other,but they have never had a conversation. I want my boyfriend to talk to her. He's is trying his best to like him. He is going to buy her a gift for her birthday which is about an a week. Will this also make her like my boyfriend?

ON JULY 16, 2014 AT 3:07 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Im 15 and my current boyfriend is 17. He's met my dad but my dad doesn't allow us to hangout . Trust me ,we wont have sex until im ready. But my dad needs to understand that I love him and I want to be with him. I understand these relationships don't last forever ( some do ) but I have him now and im about to lose him because we never see eachother . How do I change this?? MY mom is fine with us but my dad isn't and I don't want to go behind my dads back while trying to earn his trust

ON JULY 14, 2014 AT 7:30 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I don't think that he does this but I have ran into some things related to this but most of the time my parents really don't care who I date that hand me the gun and say "shoot" and I fire at who I want then after they break up with me or I break up with them my dad or mom will explain everything they hated and say that's why you can try agine. Knowing me it's hard to meet people's parents beacuse I'm so active. I mean I have ADHD and so I'm a free sole. My boyfriend is suposed to be Mormon. (So much for that) he's really not but his mom blocked my numbers. Both of my numbers to be exzact. She hates me.... I don't even really know her. Thanks dumb x boyfriend.

ON JULY 11, 2014 AT 8:36 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

As a child my mother would tell me that I had more important things in life then a boyfriend. I was very mature went to a private high school with a 99.988 average and was on Varsity soccer. I would hang out with one specific guy friend in front of her a lot. And the entire time he was my boyfriend. We would hold hands and kiss slightly in front of her. Saying he was my boyfriend was no surprise to her and being that she knew we only held hands and kissed she was fine with it. Don't be shy. She's your mother!

ON JULY 10, 2014 AT 6:31 PM, KAYCEE SAID:

I like a 15 year old boy. And I am only 12. Idk how to tell my parents that we want to date. Can someone please help me?

ON JULY 10, 2014 AT 11:50 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I'm 15, and my boyfriend is 17. We have been dating for a month and 1 week.. And there was a lot of drama with my mom, they still haven't met and I never really talked about it with her because I'm a teen baby.. She had me at 17/18 and my father is an older man.. I think she's nervous but I dont know how to tell her. I really don't want to break up with him. Her opinion matters to me, since its the only parental opinion I have.

ON JULY 4, 2014 AT 12:12 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I need help my mom wont let me stay with my girlfriend shes bi polar and shy

ON JULY 3, 2014 AT 6:24 PM, TIMMERA SAID:

I am 15 and my boyfriend is 15 i meet him on kik and to come and find out my best friend now him.But he lives in Colorado and I live in Texas, i didn't want to tell my mom that i have a boyfriend. Because i tho that she would be pissed off at me so i didn't tell her. Will one night she come in my room and i was texting him and she read all of the message thank god that there was nothing bad but she did see that he said " I love you babe" and I said I love you too <3<3 and my mom was not happy at all she took my phone away . oh btw she took away my phone Friday anyways today Thursday July 3 my mom give me my phone back for 2 hours because i had to babysit my baby sister sooo i texted him and we talk until my mom come home and she read all the text message!!!!! and now she thinks i am laying about everything and that "he doesnt live here in Texas he lives in Colorado." PLZ HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!! what do i do i really want my phone back.

ON JULY 3, 2014 AT 4:31 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I'm thirteen, and I've liked the same boy for almost two years now. Recently, he's admitted his feelings for me, and we've started dating. I know that we're young, and that most relationships that start at our age don't last, but we honestly are different. I know that every couple probably thinks that, but unlike most kids our age we are faithful, have good role models, and are honest and committed to each other.

However, his mother thinks that we're too young to date, and she won't let us go out alone. She has consented to letting us go out in a group of three or more. And I sort of understand where she's coming from, but I just wish she would let us go out alone. We're not indecent and untrustworthy in any way. However, because we can't go out alone, we keep having to ask friends to go with us. When they can't make it, we just can't go out at all.

It's really infuriating, and we don't know what to do. We're hoping that in eighth grade things will get easier. Until then we're just going to keep trying. But if we don't have friends, and no one is available, we're unable to see each other at all. I just don't know what to do. We really care about each other, and we know that we'll last if we're only given the chance.

ON JULY 2, 2014 AT 10:30 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

But what if my mother won't let me see him even after they met...one day he came to my house and she was not there so she got me into trouble..and now I can't see him ever again..I can't make her understand that I love him, and he loves me back. She doesn't trust me anymore after that day and now I can't even go out with friends without her thinking I am going to go see him..what should I do to make her understand that I love him and she can not and will not separate us??

ON JULY 2, 2014 AT 3:00 PM, STARCRUSADER SAID:

Okay~! Her's a long one for you. I need help. And I don't wanna go to my parents about it. There's this guy, let's call him 'Bert", that I sorta like. I broke up with my previous boyfriend not too long ago. But I've liked 'Bert' for a looong time. Also, one of my best friends likes him, but he said he really likes me... I don't know what to do! This sorta thing just... tears you apart. You know?

ON JULY 1, 2014 AT 4:39 PM, DESTINY SAID:

My boyfriend lives in another state then me and its about a 17 hour drive. It took me long to tell my mom I had a boyfriend, because we don't talk about this kind of stuff. But when I did, I texted her that I had a boyfriend. Well about the start of the year, my boyfriend encouraged me to ask her for us to go to the state he lives in, and it took me awhile to tell her, and when I did she said she was planning on going in the summer. Well its summer now and she hasn't told me anything about us going to meet him... I feel like she isn't going to let us, and she knows how much he means to me. I don't know if I want to bring it up because I don't like talking about this stuff to her, we just don't have that kind of relationship (she doesn't even tell me she has a boyfriend until she brings him home with her and all of a sudden hes living with us, talking about marrying my mom, and I don't even know him). What we've been dating for about a year and 8 months and we have a really good relationship with each other, even if we argue a lot, but that's just our personalities. I'm 16 and he's 17 almost 18. I really want to see him because I can't really date someone fully until we actually meet and have physical contact. From a young age my mom and I haven't really had a connection to talk about boys like that, when she brings it up I get nervous and try to avoid the conversation.

ON JUNE 30, 2014 AT 12:14 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

hi im 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we been dating for almost a year but his mom dont know because she dont like me for some reason. and my boyfriend dont have a phone so i cant talk to him at all i have to wait for him to come on my street to chill with our friends to see him. plus its hard for him to come see me cause his mom i dont know what to do anymore i feel inlove with him i just need a lil help.

ON JUNE 26, 2014 AT 2:33 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I'm 14 Turning 15 In about a month. I feel like I can handle myself and I know if a guy is trying To take advantage of me. I was raised knowing the bible and knowing what would happen to me if I engage in sexual activities before marriage. All I want to do is go to the movies with a guy I care about. I don want to do anything. And I told my mom if I felt like I really wanted to I would tell her before I did something stupid. But she stil doesn't trust me. I'm a Sophmore in high school. I'm almost out on my own. I feel like it's time for me to be allowed to grow up a little

ON JUNE 26, 2014 AT 11:25 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Im so sad , because my parents wont let me talk to this guy that i really like! He loves me, I only like him. They say hes a bad influence and stuff becasue he smokes.. and he sometimes forces me to do stuff. But honestly i still want to be with him because he makes me happy! My parents wont even let me see him, or even text him. Like really?! I want to run away with him at this point becasue i honestly dont care what they say or think it's my life and they cant control everything i do. Also, my phone is always taken away from me and my sister gets her phone and is allowed to talk to guys. Thats so unfair. My phones taken away for like 3 months. My parents found out we had sex... they think im too young but im not. Help me??

ON JUNE 25, 2014 AT 9:10 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriends mom looked through his phone and saw nasty pictures of us and saw us dirty talking, She said that I can't talk to him ever again and stuff, and me and his mom were really close before this happened. I been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now we been through a lot of stuff together and I can't live without him. I'm in a jar position what do I do now?

ON JUNE 24, 2014 AT 3:16 PM, JULIE SAID:

Hi im 17 and my bf is 20 , and I love him so much so much , well it all started when we dated , n I wasn't supposed to date , but this guys is different n I love him with all my heart ,

ON JUNE 23, 2014 AT 11:54 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

well, i have a boyfriend and the only way we can talk is snapchat! and he asked me just now how we are going to work. we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks, and its killing both of us. he says its my fault bc i cant date, or hang out with him. but i really dont see why? im not allowed to date, and i dont have a phone, so idk how this is going to work. he is my everything and i hope he knows that. he's breaking my heart right now and i dont want to break up with him. today was our 2 month anniversary and we both love each other a lot. i havent kissed him in 3 weeks, and i am dying for one of his hugs. i just hope my friends ask me to hang out and invite him bc all i want to do is be in his arms and cuddle and watch movies all day. i hope he understands my situation, and he has been putting up with it for 60 days now. i love him lots and i hope we dont break up bc of summer.

ON JUNE 23, 2014 AT 8:59 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I constantly get good grades and do my chores but my parents wont let me text and literally take my phone away for no reason. I do everything I can but its not enough. My friends get their feelings hurt when they text me and I say I cant talk to them. I feel like its neglect. help?

ON JUNE 22, 2014 AT 6:30 PM, NANCY SAID:

my friend is buying me something for the end of the year and I want to give her something to but my parents wont let me go to a store and buy her something WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ON JUNE 15, 2014 AT 10:48 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I literally spend every night crying because my parents hate my boyfriend and I love him so much

ON JUNE 14, 2014 AT 7:52 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 20. I want my mom to get to know him and we are willing to introduce just as friend. How do I get an opportunity for him and my mom to talk and know each other. My friend suggesting on when I go out with my friend to take him with me and another friend to go with so we are not alone. How should I approach my mom and is there any other way to get them to meet?

ON JUNE 14, 2014 AT 2:52 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Im 15 going on 16 in the fall and my boyfriend is 14 going on 15 also in the fall. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year now and he truly means the world to me. He's met my parents and i've met his, my mom loves him and his mom loves me. Recently i lost my virginity to him, it was something i felt i was ready for. Something we felt we were ready for. I held off about telling my mom because i knew she was going to give me a lecture on how young i am and how i should have waited. The other day she asked to use my phone and ended up going through my phone seeing that i lost my virginity to my boyfriend, she was mad about it but not as mad as i thought she would be. She contacted his mother and told her that we had sex which i thought was completely embarrassing! We all sat down and talked about the situation and everything was cool, but at the end of the conversation our parents decided that we should stop spending so much time at each others houses because of the incident. We were fine with it at first because we could see each other in school and facetime each other out side of school, but now we're out of school and facetime isn't enough. I just want my mom to let him start coming back over, how do i get her to change her mind?

ON JUNE 9, 2014 AT 7:23 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i am 18 years old who dating a 16 years old boyfriend. i don't know how to say something to their parents if they allowed us to still dating because they don't like my age. help me!!

ON JUNE 8, 2014 AT 1:55 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My mom doesn't approve of a girl she just met because of something that happened but it's not the way it seems . What do I do? How can I change my moms mind ?

ON JUNE 7, 2014 AT 10:29 PM, ALEXIS TIMBROOK SAID:

Hi im almost 13 i really like this guy were aleady dating im from West Virginia..and he is in Tennesse he is 15 one day i asked my parents if they could think about letting me to stay with him for a couple of days on summer break! Im really hoping they say yes.. but idk if they will i truly like him and i told my parents about him i once talked to my mom about it and she say she kinda thinks he is fake or something like tht i told my parents he is NOT fake ,, or acting himself he is a Nice, sweet,caing,loving ,social person.. Almost everyone says he has to break up with me when he is 18 bc there is a law which u can ONLY date 2 and a half years apart from each other but if its over ht age limit we could go to jail and if i do ill clear my cases and eventullay get my way if not the entire police depatment is going down.. i would do anything just to keep him! so ,

please ,please help or wht should
i do to make my parents say yes.

ON JUNE 7, 2014 AT 2:49 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I am 16 years old I think I am mature and in some ways responsible in the past I.have gave my mother a reason not to trust me only because she wouldn't let me grow up and that was years ago now im 16 I feel like she should let the past go.. if my brother stole her car and she forgave him months later I pretty much sure she can do the same for me in return I am a typical teenage I just want to enjoy some of my teenager years before my 20's get here, and hang out with my friends for christ sake and be able to hang out with my boyfriend with her making me feel bad about myself for having a boyfriend.

ON JUNE 6, 2014 AT 12:14 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

What if my boyfriends mom thinks I'm too young, he's 17 and I'm 15

ON JUNE 6, 2014 AT 7:33 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I have a boyfriend and I get mad when I can't hang with him all the time. Is that being to clingy? Because at first. I wasn't and he conplained that I'm never clingy with him and claimed I didn't like him but truly, i knew how ugly clingy gets with me but I did it anyway. Also, I met both his parents and didn't leave a good impression cause i was painfully shy because it was my first time meeting his mom who flew in from a different state and his dad is Kind've a smartass so I only talk when I need to but they think I have no personality and don't see why he's with me. I honestly don't know what to do or how to change this.

ON JUNE 6, 2014 AT 3:35 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I'm 13 years old and my mom says I'm still too young for boys to sleep over, how can I convince her to let them stay?

ON JUNE 5, 2014 AT 5:24 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I really don't know what to do. I really really like this guy but my mom actually hates the kid. I need serious advice because I've never had a guy make me this happy in my entire life. How do I convince my mom to let me be with the one I like?

ON JUNE 4, 2014 AT 9:34 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My mom doesnt let me date. I just overheard her talking on the phone about it last night. I reallyyy love my boyfriend, but I just cant tell her. What do I do? She is a rude person.

ON JUNE 3, 2014 AT 10:19 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i have a boyfriend and i am head over heels and love with him but my parents dont allow me to date. im now to the point where i dont care what they say and im seriously thinking about running away to be with him

ON JUNE 2, 2014 AT 12:47 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I'm 13.. he's 15.. I really like him but I don't think my parents will ever let him come over.. but I mean I have feelings for him. What should I do?

ON JUNE 1, 2014 AT 3:21 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

How can I persuade my parents into letting him come over?

ON JUNE 1, 2014 AT 12:05 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriends mom hates me. She found out we kissed twice and took away is phone it's been 3 mouths. Schools out and we are going to diffrent high schools Any advice to help his mom let us hang out?

We have been dating for 6 months, I'm his first girlfriend, teachers son.

ON MAY 31, 2014 AT 5:31 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for four months yesterday (may 30) and just now three weeks ago today she made me stop seeing him.
And he is eveyrything to me. I love him. He is one year three months older than me and we get along great. I need him. Tried explaining everything to my mom and all it comes out as is a maybe I'll think about it, I don't know type of answer its getting annoying. Its hard from seeing him everyday to absolutely not at all. I need him. And I don't know what to do. It's hurting us both.

ON MAY 29, 2014 AT 10:57 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Lets say you were with the guy before and your dad doesn't want you to get hurt like the last time but you know this time it's gonna last but I have no clue how to change his mind

ON MAY 28, 2014 AT 11:55 AM, A ♡ SAID:

What do you do if your mom doesn't want you to date and you're 15? I went behind her back and did so anyway and I'm in love with him.

ON MAY 19, 2014 AT 7:02 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriends quite a bit older than me but I won't disclose his age because of the common misconceptions that come with the age gap. My boyfriend is perfect, left a good impression with my parents the first time they met and he did everything he could such as painting and decorating for them and everything. My mother recently started accusing me of disclosing personal family business to my boyfriend, which I didn't. She then took him into our house and got him involved and told him everything, making her seem like the victim and myself as a snotty, two faced little brat. In contrast, my mother is the one who doesn't clean, rarely cooks, doesn't care about my education and spends half her time either drinking, hungover in bed or talking about me over the phone to aunts and my grandmother. I've basically had to look after my brother and sister myself and take over the maternal role in the house. It hurts so much that my father takes her side even though it's quite clear that I'm trying so hard! My boyfriend stood up for me and told my mother that her making me work in our family business the day before exams doesn't help, as an hour can be the difference between two grades! My mother told my father that my boyfriend was being violent and disrespectful towards her even though I saw the whole thing and saw she was lying! Then she turned my father against my boyfriend. My mother has since had another conflict with my boyfriend and banned him from the house and blamed him for all of her shortcomings. It's come to a point where I'm sneaking out just to meet my boyfriend for a couple of hours, and my mother and father insist that I break up with him, but I refuse as I know that this is the result of all my mothers lies.

ON MAY 18, 2014 AT 10:19 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

So I have a boyfriend and I told my parents this and they didn't really understand what it meant to be dating. My mom just kind of blew it off. She wasn't upset or mad but she wasn't happy either. What do I do?

ON MAY 13, 2014 AT 3:41 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I am 18 and I have been dating my boyfriend who is 24 for close to half year. so far I've hid that from my mom, but she just found out about us and now she hates me. she is now really cold to me and wont let me explain it to her. I've told my boyfriend about it and he thinks that I should keep trying to tell her why I hid it from her. I only hid it from her b/c of how old he is. it doesn't bother me at all that he is 6 years older then me, but my mom..... she wont even tell me why she hates me and him now. he is a smart, funny, strong, kind, loving, talented, honest, respectful man. I don't see why she hates us, I need help here really bad.

ON MAY 10, 2014 AT 4:24 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

What do I do if my parents wont let me go to movies with my boyfriend I'm 15 they already met him and we been dating for5 months been friends since August we went before but now they let us anymr

ON MAY 7, 2014 AT 10:09 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My mom already met him.. But my father didn't yet I'm too scared to let him met my father because my father already made it clear to me that he don't want me to have a boyfriend at all.. Although I'm already 18 years old and my boyfriend is 24.. My father said I must just study and focus on that in life.. I already met my boyfriend parents and they crazy over me but now he wants to meet my dad.. And I'm so nervous I don't know what to do.. Any help please..?

ON APRIL 21, 2014 AT 2:04 PM, ALICEMARIE SAID:

UGH. Alright. My boyfriends name is Cameron, hes 15 and he is just amazing. I love him with everythhing i have. Im 16. Recently, Cam and i did the dirty.. I got scared and told my parents. Yeah. Really dumb right? its really depressed me. the fact that i dont have my phone anymore, so i wont be able to communicate with him all summer. Yesterday, my parents told me that they wont always support the decisions i make, including still dating cameron. So im afraid to tell him that we cant date anymore. I dont want our feelings to change. I want us to be able to date sometime in the future and so things the right way... my parents seemed to be cool with that decision... i just want to make things okay with my parents so that cams and is relationship can be okay. I really love him. and i feel like its all my fault for ruining our relationship. I cant lose him. Please Help:(

ON APRIL 13, 2014 AT 5:23 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Parents just don't want grand kids early! Lol.

ON APRIL 13, 2014 AT 12:14 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Well im 15 and my mom doesnt like my gf and the only reason that i know of that she doesnt like her is that shes ugly to my mom but to me shes soooo pretty and i would do anything for her i just really want to be able to see her freely without having to worry about my mom being mad at me is their anything i could do to help my situation out at all

ON APRIL 10, 2014 AT 3:00 AM, CATE SAID:

I'm almost fourteen and I'm not interested in guys at all outside of being friends. But for those whose parents disapprove - it's not worth it. Also, why is everybody so obsessed with dating? People who are dating basically just do what friends do, but it's more awkward. Just be real close friends with the guy. You can go to the mall and restaurants and do fun stuff together like you would with any other friend. And I'm sure parents wouldn't disapprove of friendship - because it's just that, friendship. If you really love each other than it's probably best to stay friends until you're older. Don't you think there is something just so romantic and beautiful about friends who have known each other forever and turn into something more than just friends?

ON APRIL 7, 2014 AT 11:24 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he recently met my mom yet she wasn't a complete fan of him, and my birthday is coming up so she had agreed to not tell my dad I was going to go eat with him and we would say I was going to a friends house and my boyfriend would pick me up there but now my mom does not wanna lie to my dad and all of a sudden doesn't want to lie to him. So now what do I do?

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