The Friday Five: Going from Friend to Boyfriend/Girlfriend
It’s an age-old dilemma: are your friends on or off limits for dating? On the one hand, you don’t want to ruin the friendship. But on the other, some of the best relationships come out of two people who were friends first. If you and a friend have discovered you have feelings for each other, here’s how to make the transition while protecting both your friendship and each other.
Take it slow. Going from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend is a big transition. The slower you take it, the less likely someone is to get hurt if, in the end, one of you decides you’re actually better off as just friends. Instead of jumping into a serious relationship right away, take a few weeks to slowly start hanging out more and get more intimate. During this time, keep analyzing your feelings and making sure that a relationship is really what you both want.
Keep it quiet. New relationships are exciting. And although you may feel like telling everybody, at the beginning it might be best to try to keep this one quiet. That way, if things don’t work out, it won’t be as awkward because less people knew about it in the first place. And the less awkward it is, the easier it will be to resume your original friendship.
Get your information about the relationship from each other. If you’ve just started dating one of your friends, chances are you guys have friends in common. Resist the urge to ask your friends what your new significant other has said about you, and also resist the urge to talk (too much) with your friends about them. Instead of getting information about your feelings through a game of telephone (where you’re never getting the correct info), get you information about the relationship from each other. If you have a question about the relationship, ask it. And make clear that your friend/new bf/gf should do the same. Don’t play games, be overly sensitive to each other’s feelings, and be open and honest with each other. The more fairly you treat one another, the less likely that your friendship will be ruined if things don’t work out.
Keep the peanut gallery out of it. There’s nothing juicier than a friend hook up. And it’s likely that most of your friends will have some sort of opinion about the relationship. That’s all fine and good, but don’t let their opinions influence your own. No one completely knows a relationship except for the two people in it. And any relationship decisions you’re going to make should be coming from you and your new significant other, not the influence of your friends. It’s about what the two of you want as a couple, not what all your friends want as a group.
Don’t let it ruin the friendship. One of the strangest things about making the transition may be suddenly not knowing how to act around someone you used to feel totally comfortable around. If this is the case, don’t over think it. As best you can, keep the friendship and your interactions the same. The only difference is that now when you see your friend you may kiss them instead of hug them, you may hang out more, and be more intimate. But the friendship you guys had in the first place should still be a part of your relationship. In fact, it should be the foundation of it. After all, that’s what drove you two together in the first place.
Have you ever taken the leap from friends to bf/gf? Did it work out? Were there any consequences that you didn’t expect? Tell us in the comments how you handled your situation!
Amber Madison has been writing about sex, love, and relationships since college (she went to Tufts University) when she wrote for her school newspaper's sex ed column. Since graduating, she's published two books: Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality and Talking Sex With Your Kids and has been quoted in a ton of different media outlets from Seventeen magazine to MTV to NPR. Have a question for Amber? Send us an email!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
My boyfriend and I have been bestfriends for 3 years before we felt those mutual feelings and began dating. We have been through so much over the years and are now in a long distance relationship because of college. We compliment eachother in every right way, understand eachother better than we understand ourselves and I love him sooo much. As of today, we have been a couple for a year and going on 5months. Although we have our ups and downs as all couples do, we have trust, friendship, and honesty and know that when all is said and done, it will be worth it in the end. I honestly cannot imagine life without him.
I have my best friend and we both like each other , our friendship is really nice , I just wish someday him and I could turn this friendship into a relationship.
I think that its only a good idea to date your best friend if both of you are sure you wanna date and know it wont change your friendship if it doesnt work out.
Me and best friend were friends for 3 years before we noticed we devolped feelings for each other, so far we are having a good relationship.
I asked out my best friend after we were friends for 6 years and she said no and I'd like to still be friends but I don't know what to do HELP?!
I met him on a cruise and we hung out a few times and we became really good friends, then once the cruise ended we got each others Facebook account and we still keep in contact. I really like him but I don't know if he likes me. I can't really tell. My friends told me that he liked me but I don't know if it's true....... HELP!!!......What do I do???
Right now, I'm in a relationship with my best guy friend. We've been dating for two months now and it's going great. We still play around and stuff just like we we would as friends, but we also have intimate time and hang out more as a couple. We love each other a lot, and we both feel like we'll last a while (: We also tried to keep it quiet in the beginning, but everyone figured it out and well it's all good now. Everyone accepts us as a couple (: It worked for me and were still going strong!
i had a intimate kiss with my best friend...we had been friends for ages. bt after that moment she is ignoring me totally. i am really confuzed..what may be her problem and why is she ignoring me..
well, my best friend and i have been best friends for over a year. obviously there has been a connection between us, but neither of us have acted upon it because we were either too afraid of getting rejected or ruining the friendship. however he asked me out yesterday and now he is my first boyfriend. wish me luck!
I love love love your games and tips thanks stay teen inc.
i feel you completely me and my boyfriend were besties for 3 years befor we became boyfriend and girlfriend and i think it was best that way because we tell each other every thing plus we already really trusted each other
ok, i have this guy friend in my grade and we've known each other for along time (3+years) and I really like him. :)
Anyways, last year he flirted quite a bit with me and now as soon as school started he flirts with me alot
more. But he also flirts with 2 other girls. I don't know if he's doing it to make me jealous or if he's making someone else jealous or he thinks we're "just friends". what do i do?!?
me and my boyfriend were really good friends and then i took the chance and told him i liked him because i did and he liked me too but didnt want a relationship right away which was fine with me but then a few days later he picked the wrong time to ask me out because i was stressing out about stuff and i said yes not thinking about what the consiquences would be and now our relationship is really awkward and we dont talk at all but its only awkward on his end because i try to start conversations but he doesnt go through with them and he is moving really fast for my liking because he is my frist bf and i dont know what to do to confront him without irritating him... HELP!
i think this article has very good opinions on its own it actually talks to you about how you should take things slow and how they will work out better i think this article has opened ppls eyes about dating there friends it is something real big it is a deal it either can bring you guys closer or it can break you guys to the point were you guys wont even talk or even cause you to hate each other i have had this and it just didnt work out we realized things are better of only as friends, it may last longer maybe later in the feature you both can try thhings again when you both try and put effort in it
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9months now and we was friends first and we get along and were very happy so theres nothing wrong with datting one of ur friends it might trun out to be the best relationship u ever had i kno it is for me and if something happends and yall break up then if u was that good of friends u will be again.
I have a guy friend that I really like but he doesn't really like me back. Last year he and I had a small fling but it didn't go anywhere. I really want us to go back to what we had before but idk if he wants to. We hang out from time to time but I just there to be more.
I dated my best friend. We liked each other for a couple of months and everybody could tell. They pressured us into dating and in the end it didn't work out. We're still friends but it gets awkward at times.
This happened with me. My guy-friend and I were friends for about 3 and a half months before we started acting on our feelings. We started getting closer right before we left for winter break, which was hard. When we came back things seemed to pick up where we left off and continued seeing each other for a little over two months before he finally asked me out. We were going out for three months, but it was during summer when we were apart that we broke up. Things are kind of strange now, but we are working on it. I just want our friendship to be the same as when we started!
My fiance and I were best friends for 4 years and then he asked me out and at first I was scared to death that the question came up cause I didn't want our friendship to end but at the same time I figured if I didn't say yes then he'd end up hating me either way so the question kind of hurt me a lot but then I decided I would go for it and we became a couple. at first I didnt wanna tell any one that we were together cause I didn't want everyone to feel awkward so we kept us a secret for almost 4 months of our relationship and then finally told people. It was great our friends didn't treat us differently and we didn't make it to awkward for them either which was great:) then around Christmas time he asked me to marry him and we've been together since then and our relationship all started off with us being best friends:D
me and my bf r happy but his cuz likes me what do i do
i am best friends with a guy i like, but its hard to tell if he likes me back because he hugs me and stuff like a friend, but sometimes he shows signs he likes me. if he wanted to ask me out, i think he would have done it by now. but he told be he likes 3 people and cant decide,,,thats hard :o
I wish I could become more than friends with my guy friend :(
I tried dating one of my best friends that i knew for 7 years but wen we broke up he totally ignored me...i dont know what to do to get that friendship back
I love my fiance but we get into fights i dont know wat to do to not get into a fight
i feel u completely, me and my boyfriend were best friends before we fell in love
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