Thinking about making your relationship FBO?  These are the 5 things you have to do before changing your relationship status:

1. Tell your friends.  Relationships can happen quickly, and it can be hard to keep in touch with all of your friends (especially over the summer). But letting your friends find out about your new guy/girl over facebook before hearing it from you is going to make them feel like they’re not a part of your life anymore. So before you change your relationship status, be sure that all of your besties are up to speed!
2. Make sure your bf/gf is on the same page.  No one wants to find out they’re in a relationship through Facebook. Don’t pull the trigger until it’s been clearly established that you two are actually exclusive. If you want to make your relationship official but haven’t had the conversation yet, don’t be scared to sit down with your sort-of bf/gf, tell them what you want, and make sure that’s what they want also.
3. Get over the fear of doing it first.  So you’ve been dating for a while, and are clearly boyfriend and girlfriend. But neither of you has sent a relationship request. You’re involved in a stand off: “I want her to do it first.”  “Well I want him to do it first.” No one wants to be the one to put themselves out there. But look, if you’re clearly already in a relationship, don’t be scared to make the move. The only reason your girlfriend or boyfriend hasn’t sent you a relationship request yet is because they’re waiting on you!
4. Consider your ex’s.  Changing your relationship status on Facebook is announcing to the world that you have a new boyfriend/girlfriend. The problem with that is, there may be some people who don’t want to hear that announcement. If you recently got out of another relationship, your ex may feel like your new relationship is getting rubbed in their face. If you want to be considerate of you ex’s feeling, perhaps delay your Facebook status change. Or, you may want to send them a message to tell them yourself, instead of just letting them find out through their feed.
5. Think about how you handle break-ups.  The last thing you want to think about as you’re starting a relationship is a possible break up. But before you make it FBO, it’s a good thing to do. Are you someone that likes to keep your private life, well...private? If so, you may not want a broken heart icon showing up on everyone’s Facebook page if you and your bf/gf don’t work out. Nothing invites an onslaught of “what happened” messages like that little broken heart. So if you’re the type who wants to keep the rest of the world out of your business, you may want to consider not changing your relationship status at all.

After all these considerations, you may decide that it’s not worth it to make your relationship FBO. And that’s totally fine! It doesn’t mean that you’re acting shady or aren’t proud to be dating the person you’re dating. If you’re worried about offending your significant other, just tell them: “I’m really happy I’m dating you, and couldn’t be prouder to call you my boyfriend/girlfriend. I just don’t want to invite gossip and comments from every person we know. I want to feel like our relationship is ours, not something for everyone else to comment on.”

Have you ever had to have the FBO chat? How did it go?

Amber Madison has been writing about sex, love, and relationships since college (she went to Tufts University) when she wrote for her school newspaper's sex ed column. Since graduating, she's published two books: Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality and Talking Sex With Your Kids and has been quoted in a ton of different media outlets from Seventeen magazine to MTV to NPR. Have a question for Amber? Send us an email!