Yes, flirting is fun.  It’s exciting, makes you feel good, and at the end of the day it’s pretty harmless.  Harmless that is, unless you’re becoming a flirt.  Flirting is fine, but being a flirt is something you want to avoid.  Here’s how: 

Rule #1: Flirt with the people you like. Or perhaps I should say, flirt with the people you like like. The whole point of flirting is to let someone you’re interested in know it. If you flirt with everyone, then the ones you actually like won’t know that you like them, and they won’t feel special because that’s the way you act with everyone. Beyond that, they may worry about getting involved with someone who always seems to be interested in everyone.

Rule #2: Never flirt with a person your bff likes or is dating. Ok, truth is, occasionally you might find yourself flirting with someone that you’re not actually that into. Maybe it’s a friend who you just have that kind of relationship with, or someone you met who simply brings it out in you. That’s all fine and good AS LONG AS that person isn’t someone who one of your friends has a huge crush on or is dating. The love interest of your BFF is off limits, and you should try to interact with them as platonically as possible. Think sibling here. Your interactions should have no sexual overtones whatsoever!

Rule #3: Don’t take it to extremes. Flirting is one thing, sexting is another. Flirting is showing a special interest in someone, being playful with them, jokingly making fun of them, or touching them a lot. Flirting can be a sly grin, a sexy head turn, or lingering eye contact. FLIRTING IS NOT SENDING NAKED PICTURES, HALF NAKED PICTURES, OR DIRTY TEXT MESSAGES. That is sexting. When you are interested in someone, flirting is a great idea. Sexting…not so much. Remember that whatever you send to a phone or email address can be shown to anyone, posted online, and will ultimately live FOREVER. Though your awesome flirting may live forever in someone’s mind, you don’t want your racy pictures to live forever in the collective international community they call the interweb.

Rule #4: Remember, it’s not the only way to interact with the opposite sex. Just because you are generally interested in guys or girls doesn’t mean that you need to flirt with all of them. Guys and girls aren’t really that different deep down. It’s very possible for us to have friendships with each other that are completely platonic. If you meet someone of the opposite sex who you think is cool, you can get to know them better without flirting. You can talk with them about classes, movies, or music. You can ask them about their hobbies, their weekends, or their families. Flirting is not the only tool you have in your arsenal to make someone want to get to know you better.

Rule #5: Guys do it too! We may think of girls as the ones who are in danger of becoming flirts, but guys can absolutely be flirts as well. You know those guys who girls fall for really easily because the guys seem interested (even though they may not be)…you got it, Flirt Alert! So guys, don’t think this article is just meant for the ladies. Take a gander at yourselves…

So what are your methods of flirting without being a flirt? Add your top rules in the comments!

Amber Madison has been writing about sex, love, and relationships since college (she went to Tufts University) when she wrote for her school newspaper's sex ed column. Since graduating, she's published two books: Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality and Talking Sex With Your Kids and has been quoted in a ton of different media outlets from Seventeen magazine to MTV to NPR. Have a question for Amber? Send us an email!