Is Facebook Ruining Your Relationship?

Facebook is awesome in many ways, but given that so much of our lives are on display, the tendency to turn into a stalker can be tempting. Your crush posted pictures of his snowboarding trip? Just try to stop yourself from looking at them…But even when we’re in a seemingly healthy relationship, Facebook and other social networking sites can create doubt and distrust where there wouldn’t have been otherwise. It might not bother you if spot your bf chatting with the girl whose locker is next to his. However, catch her posting on his wall or commenting on a video clip and suddenly you’re upset—and totally convinced that he’s cheating on you.  

If you’re “friends” with your bf or gf on Facebook—and seriously, why wouldn’t you be?—it’s hard to avoid looking at their page, since they undoubtedly appear in your news feed every time they post. But when you’re refreshing your screen every few seconds, monitoring their every interaction, and then blowing up their phone when you don’t like what you see, you may be crossing the line into crazyland. Here, a few tips to keep Facebook from screwing up your relationship.

  1. Don’t freak every time they friend someone of the opposite sex. Take a look at your own friend list. Chances are more than half the people on it are people you wouldn’t consider a friend offline. And by this I mean you don’t talk to or hang out with them on a regular basis. Now apply that same logic to your significant other. Just because she accepted John’s friend request doesn’t mean she’s going to hook up with him behind your back. Now if John goes to your school and you find her suddenly hanging out with him a lot more—without you—then perhaps you should worry. Otherwise don’t sweat it.
  2. Don’t friend their friends, unless you actually know them in some way. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have all of the same friends. There are going to be people your bf or gf knows casually whom you may have never met. Don’t suddenly become friends with these people on FB or start commenting every time your boyfriend or girlfriend does. It makes you look like a creepy stalker.
  3. Don’t fight on Facebook. If you’re upset with your bf/gf, Facebook is not the place to share this. Do you really want all of your mutual friends chiming in on whether he really was a jerk for forgetting to call you after soccer practice? Take your disagreements offline and deal with them face to face.

Have you ever gotten upset with your bf/gf over something that happened on Facebook? Do his/her interactions with other people make you jealous? How did you handle it?


Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.


Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!


 

WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:

ON NOVEMBER 21, 2012 AT 10:56 AM, JOANN,BETHPAGE,NY SAID:

Facebook is causin alot of problems with divorced, separated and relationships. Facebook is a game people get bored and go on write whatever they want but don't realized to hurt other people feelins or try to get the person theyre in love back into their lives......Facebook is for College not past times.....

ON SEPTEMBER 13, 2012 AT 6:30 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My bf continues to like other girls photo on facebook, while he doesnt like my photos, I naturally beg him to like it, I will like to know if this is a cause for concern?

ON AUGUST 12, 2012 AT 7:31 PM, CANDYCORN SAID:

I wish I could have a bf

ON APRIL 18, 2012 AT 5:43 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Me and my boyfrnd just broke up because he was always chating with his Xso i decided to leave him and im fine after i broke up with him

ON MARCH 20, 2012 AT 9:52 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Well, me and my boyfriend met on FB. We are now in a relationship now, and we see each other every weekend. We love each other. & everythings good and dandy. I go on facebook like everyday. lol (No life) And I see that he likes a girls photo, not to mention shes gorgeous. I liked a guys picture to try and make him jealous. It works, but im not tying to play games. We love each other, well then it shouldnt have to be like that. I need help. Id rather not be jealous of this. Its extremely childish, and im so not about to get into an argument over this. How can i handle this personaly? Please halpp! Dx

ON MARCH 16, 2012 AT 7:50 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Facebook is not good for a relationship

ON FEBRUARY 21, 2012 AT 5:00 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i used to have fb for couple of years. i have 1 year relationship and we are doing great. one day my boyfriend was really angry because i chat to a guy... and he got really mad and he told me to deactivate my fb acc. so i did. actually.. we both did. my bf and i deleted our fb accs to get a healthier life. fb is sickness u know. watching evry posting what are they doing every minute... boys are using fb to find girls and girls use fb to chat with guys .. this is sick. why using fb???
be in front of the screen and watching everyguy and girl for what..??
use fb just to chat with ur real friends. lots of couples broke up cz they were using fb... if u wanna use fb try the healthy way... stop been addicted to a"photo". people dont look the same in real life. he may be nice or pretty and u wanna chat with him/her.. right??? yeah sure. try meet him/her in real face to face without photoshop and u will noticed how bad he/she is. and if u be together...? probably he/she will dumped u with someone else from fb or been in a front of pc watching other girls or guys.. people open ur eyes.. dont let them fool you..

ON DECEMBER 20, 2011 AT 12:41 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

There's This Kid I Like, But I Get Really Mad When He Starts Writing On Girls Walls, Because I Know He Feels The Same About Me, What should I Do?

ON OCTOBER 25, 2011 AT 2:38 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I have been with my bf for almost a year now. We actually met through Facebook (mutual friends) and there have been times where I noticed him "liking" other girls pictures. I got jealous and started making a big deal about it soon enough I broke it off. We eventually worked out our problems.

I deactivated my account and since then everything has been great. I put myself in his shoes. Nobody is perfect, were all human, were going to have wandering eyes at some point, but at the end of the day HE is the one I want to be with, HE is the one I love. And Im happy to say we both feel that way.

Even when you get married you both will live your own lives, you can't be on their backs constantly knowing what they're doing - not healthy. Learn to trust:)

ON OCTOBER 20, 2011 AT 1:36 PM, DIAMOND SAID:

i did not to my boyfriend her got mad over my ex

ON SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 AT 6:51 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriend is the best in the whole world. I've been with him since the beginning of my seventh grade year, and i'm a freashman now. He tells me he wants to marry me and be with me forever, and i trust time with all my heart. Everyone at school tells me we're just too cute, and they all think we'll get married too. He's the sweetest most adorable boy i ever met and i'll marry him right back. :)

ON SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 AT 8:07 PM, MEAGHAN SAID:

ive been with this guy for 2 years, ive spent freshmen, sophmore, year with him, i lost my virginity to him, but before that he use to date my bff, and when i got with him she use to try to break us up, so i never really trusted her after tht, so he deleted her off fb for me, and he promised not to add her again, n since we were having so many fb/jealousy problems, we deleted eachother to gain trus without having to worry about fb, but recently we got into a fight n i said mean things but so did he, n then i looked on his fb page n saw he had readded tht same girl, and had kept it a secret for 2 weeks, i feel like he lied, n i comfronted him, and he got mad, and said he wants to break up, but i dnt, i love him, but idk what to do he refuses to reply to me, but i just wanna talk to him, weve always fixed our problems n it feels like this one is never ending, weve been fighting for 5 days now, and idk if i should give up? or keep fighting. i dnt wanna loose him, can someone help?!

ON SEPTEMBER 6, 2011 AT 2:00 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

im getting really jelous beacuse my boyfriend met this girl and they always post "i love you bro" and "i love you sis" what am i supposed to do?

ON SEPTEMBER 2, 2011 AT 11:17 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Me & My boyfriend just broke up the other day because his ex girlfriend was on facebook talking about she loves him and all that i always text him talking about stuff like that so when i texted him he was like he dont even like her no more and i was asking him why is he lying because she be writing on your page saying that she loves you and everything and he never says anything. so that same night , i just broke up with him . i am so done with hm but we got like evry calss together and i always smile when i see him but i dont want to do anything with him because he cheated and then denied it . i just dont know what to do about him. but all i know is that im done and i am not going back to him. :)

ON AUGUST 16, 2011 AT 4:22 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Me and my Boyfriend have a very unhealthly Relationship. Ive cheated. But he has chated with Many girls before. He ask girl for pictures. And he lies to non stop. And it kills me. Ive cryed over him soo much. We cause eachother so much pain. Weve tryed to break up but because of us being togather for so long and haveing strong feelings for eachother we cant cause we have seprates promblems. And i get very Jelouse when i see he friends with other girls so i usally cheack them out look what kind of girls they are. There usally very slutty. Or when he comment on other girl things..I get a feeling he cheatting. I hate when he talk to other girls. But when your in that problem think about him well dont you have boys on your page? You have to trust. And if you cant trust. You cant do anything in the Relationship....

ON JULY 25, 2011 AT 2:41 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My ex-boyfriend and I were best friends for a long time and we started dating. It didn't work out for very long, we broke up after about 2 months because we mutually decided that we were better off as friends....or so I thought! He posted on facebook that he hated me and stuff like that, a lot of people commented on it....I thought that our friendship was just going to go back to normal after the break up until that happened. I think that facebook ruined our friendship and that was the hardest part of the break up, that he had to say that stuff about me to a lot of people hurt me and even a year later we still aren't friends.

ON JULY 12, 2011 AT 2:36 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i have noticed its all girls commenting on here

ON JULY 11, 2011 AT 3:24 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven months now. We both have been cheated on and hurt, so we both have trust issues. Whenever I saw another girl on his facebook I would get suuper jealous. And he and I both said that we were always scared that there would be another guy/girl on each other's facebook. We gave each other our passwords, but that didn't really change anything. So, at only two months we had deleted our facebooks for each other. In the end, we both say that we're happy we did it. It's one less thing to worry about. And you feel sort of... mellowed out in a way. It's a great thing to try if facebook is causing relationship problems for you, and you feel strongly enough for each other to do that.

ON JUNE 30, 2011 AT 5:52 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

i had a fight with my ex-boyfriend on fb because he had cheated on me w/ my bestie 5 times. i told him how i felt and he started talking 2 some1 else. so i started talkin 2 his brother who is like mine. then he started sying i liked him and i never liked him even tho i asked him out. i was soo upset for a looonnnggg time. but his brother helped me out and i got thro it. and now im dating his brother. and he dosent take our problems onto fb like his brother did.

ON JUNE 20, 2011 AT 5:58 PM, HOPE SAID:

I say u have an unhealthy relationship..cancel!

ON JUNE 18, 2011 AT 8:40 AM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

Ugh, I always get jealous when I see a girl post on my bf's wall. I also sometimes go and see whoever he friended or accepted but it's not like he is not doing th same to me. He gets upset when he sees comments and etc but when I want to voice my opinion on certain matters he makes the excuse "but you know her". NO, idk her and I've never even had a physical encouter with this girl I just know that she's you're so called "best friend". Am I wrong?

ON JUNE 14, 2011 AT 2:10 PM, HOPE SAID:

LOL I can’t stand facebook now. Too many people are trying to turn facebook into myspace, ugh! Plus how does nearly all my friends know each other? It is crazy! I know some one all the way across the world and then find one of my friends friending them??? Look I don’t care what people put on there facebook, but you are right some stuff is just to revealing. LOL I see people getting mad posting things like, I’m going to defriend some people and you know who you are! Ooh that hurts my heart…

ON JUNE 13, 2011 AT 2:14 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

My boyfriend & i broke up today because of the likes that other guys post on my wall when i like their status'. i don't see how it's a big deal, but i know why he goot so upset. but, he also makes big deals out of noting & post really rude comments on my wall about me beinging a slut... & this was while we were dating. but, it's alright. because im done with him..

ON JUNE 12, 2011 AT 5:33 PM, ANONYMOUS SAID:

I do get jealous when I see all these girls posting stuff on my boyfriends facebook wall that I barely know or have talkin to once . All of my best friends are his EX girl friends but I only get jealous when he taiks to just this certain girl & she's even my bestie ! My boyfriend & I made a deal to not talk to people that either of us liked . Then this day I missed school , I was told later that day that he had talked to her . The next day I asked him if he talked to her & he said no so once I got home I got on his facebook & deleted her . Was that the right thing to do ? Do we just need to forget about everyone else & gain our trust back for each other ? I don't know , ive thought about this before but I can't find the answer .

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